Follow Friday: Poppies, Orange & Pink

Orange and pink poppies, from my garden. Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

hellolanemoore  you never realize how boring you are until someone asks you what you like to do for fun

Leemanish  Sweat rolls down his forehead. He looks at his cards 1 last time. “All in.” He lifts 2 cats onto the table which is totally covered w/ cats.

SpaghettiJesus  The name of the song is cock mobster so maybe it’s not for everyone

donni  Can’t sleep. Thinking about Baloo. Between The Jungle Book and TaleSpin, he got a shirt, hat and pilot’s license, but not pants

msdanifernandez  Life Hack: never get out of bed. put wheels on your bed and live the life you were meant to.

donni  Penguins could be talking shit about you right now. There’s nothing you can do

joshgondelman I don’t like to call myself a hero, but it’s only because I’ve literally never done anything remotely heroic.

MassageByTed  I blew my nose and my earbuds popped out

jennyvsjenny  my phone correct “banh mi” to “bang me” every time.

Kishmishiani  We need to have a Trade Your Cats For Flats thing where ppl can bring in kitten heels for stylish flats bc this makes sense

FeralCrone   A bee buzzed in my ear at the park and I made a noise like a dog whose tail got slammed in a door.

NoTheOtherJohn   Moth : You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Karen. Moth 2: But if I hadn’t got her that candle for her birthday she’d still be here

iboudreau  Straight talk to Dr. Phil: You should be the earth’s first-ever meat satellite

cloudypianos  if I worked in a fan store I’d say I’m a big fan of fans; I’d say I’m a fan fan all the time….there’s more thoughts where this came from

Jedimasterbator  “Geckos do not defy gravity, they define gravity, rather than letting gravity define them.” – Sir Issac Newt

himissjulie  tonight as I was making my mashed potatoes, when I added the stick of butter I sang “WHOLE stick of butter” to the tune of “HEY macarena!”

ShesAllWrite  What’s your favorite coping mechanism? It can’t be eat six rice cakes and two pudding snack cups because I just tried that.

trumpetcake  FULL DISCLOSURE: im a bag of toads

dubouchet  I just NOW realized that the song ‘Every Breath You Take’ is about Santa Claus!

BuckyIsotope  Guy Fieri is just Sonic the Hedgehog in a pair of sandals and some surfer shorts.

EmVeeGreen  Just ate m&ms, followed by a handful of potato chips and a cup of fruit punch. My stomach has become the insides of a 7-11

VioletThunk  When you do the same shit over and over and expect a different result, that’s just regular life.

wordlust  When life hands you lemons, summon a demon from the depths of hell. Then make demonade.

farwent  “You know where you are? You’re in the dog park, baby. You’re gonna run ARRRRROOOOOUUUUUUUND.”

biorhythmist  Gonna counter every small talk attempt tomorrow with “So how’s that workin’ out for ya?” I’ll keep you posted.

Cheeseboy22  I’ve found a good exercise alternative to squats is not doing those.

VaguelyFunnyDan  My street gang may not have the toughest name but you’ll be sorry if you fuck with the South Glendale Almost Atwater Village Kissy Facers.

TheCatWhisprer  Just drank a Mountain Dew Slurpee and got invited to participate in the next X-Games.

MagpieLibrarian  My upcoming storytime is themed around the Letter F. Remind me not to say “Let’s talk about F words” in storytime ok

bornmiserable  Boy meets girl. Boy says girl should smile. Girl punches boy in the balls. Girl smiles.

pharmasean  Somebody: cutoff jeans are so sexy Me the next day: [walks outside wearing just the leg parts of a pair of jeans]

timescanner  Portland is a dystopia where every time you come up with an idea while stoned you are legally required to make it a real business

palinode  I finally figured out that “rn” on Twitter means “right now” and not “registered nurse”.

OhNoSheTwitnt  My phone changed the word “horcruxes” to “hot dudes” like it wishes I were cool and popular and not an adult tweeting about Harry Potter.

LindaInDisguise  Disney led me to believe there would be more bluebirds cleaning my house than there are, strictly speaking.

sad_tree  I slipped and fell on a Slim Jim at 7/11 so instead of suing the owner agreed to let me cook my own hot dogs on the roller whenever I want

walruslifestyle  meatloaf is an entire loaf of murder

tricycle_champ  WIFE: did u bake urself into a pie again ME: no WIFE: you sure ME: *looking very delicious* no clue what ur talkin about

shutupmikeginn  the children from Stephen King’s Stand By Me went out in search of a dead body, but perhaps the true “dead body” they found was “friendship”

XplodingUnicorn  Me: Eat your vegetables. 2-year-old: *fake coughs* I can’t. Me: Why not? 2-year-old: I’m dead.

walruslifestyle it’d be nice if getting electrocuted at least made you a little cuter

eliserose5  The clasp on my bra is stabbing me in the back like a best friend.

iLikeCatShirts  Impress everyone at the party by releasing Bruno Mars from your backpack.

clindsaysway  Fun Tinder prank: dress up as Waldo.

bourgeoisalien  I’m beginning to question my cat’s commitment to my happiness.

momopface  I’m not sure if clapping my ass is something I want to do.

prettysadmostly  its just you and me now, weird dead spider

simoncholland  I’ve convinced my kids that they won’t like Oreos because they’re too spicy and that is why I should get some kind of parenting award.

shegotagronk  [on a first date] Ok, I’ve put 30 seconds on the clock, how many types of cheeses can you name?

ohnoCAPSLOCK  On one hand, I AM truly outrageous, but on the other hand I am getting kind of sick of Ezzy marathoning Jem on Netflix.

OBiiieeee  if i ever get married i want the Hamburglar to walk me down the aisle

tarashoe  i quit caffeine, and what can i say! my brain is clearer than it’s ever been! what else can i say. also what else can i say

Lilacmess  Me: Vikings pillaged Husband: No, they were traders Me: Ok, they traded people to death

usedwigs  Sorry we’re 7 hours late my daughter asked me to close a clasp on her tiny necklace.

justabloodygame  [Baby hospital] “THE PATIENT SUSTAINED MULTIPLE BOOBOOS WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME.” *patient covers face with hands* “FUCK! WHERE DID HE GO?”

000___000  sometimes while i’m tying my shoes i think “this is it. this is how i die”

AndyAsAdjective  Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I’m going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks.

loather  “Do you want to save your password?” Maybe ask me if it turns out this is the right password

TheTimmyToes  Mr. Owl, how many licks does it t–*Mr. Owl swoops down and just savagely tears into a mouse, gagging softly as he swallows it*

wormx  SOYLENT GREEN IS ELF!

papasuncle  Beef jerky is just regular beef that won’t stop making prank calls.

slackmistress  ICYMI: We are all hurtling toward the abyss.

SomeChrisTweets  PERSONAL GROWTH TIP: Do something that scares you every day. Instill a routine of fear. Become paralyzed with terror. Never leave your room.

louisvrtel  Weird how Facebook tells us “Remember: You have four events today” instead of “Ugh, you need four excuses today.”

joshgondelman  Whenever something is described as “nature’s candy” it makes me think that nature should get better at making candy.

muffpunch  Leaving 1-star yelp reviews warms my heart.

theladypaige  nervous poops: a memoir.

loather  The library’s email account is getting spam for senior people meet.

johnmoe  Barista asks for a name for my latte. A name? Man, I haven’t even met my latte.

OtherDanOBrien  Guy: Can I get ur digits Girl: Just dial random numbers. If u dial mine, it’s fate [later on the phone] Girl: Hello Guy: 1st try! Girl: Shit

donni  Birds have the right to wear aviator shades should they ever choose to do so

povertyluxe  If you ever want to feel REALLY good about yourself, ask me how long it takes for us to use an entire costco jar of mayonnaise.

okidoki_boki I experienced the grad student dream tonight: NPR-funded beer.

That_Damn_Duck  What doesn’t kill me, severely disappoints me.

Cheeseboy22  Blues Clues is so unrealistic. Everyone knows the “thinking chair” is the toilet.

michaeljnelson  In case anyone shows up unexpectedly I have a bag of croutons we bought four years ago and 12 nearly empty containers of mustard.

moooooog35  So, actors walked off the set of an Adam Sandler movie? I guess that saves us from walking out of it at the theater.

Joshua_St_John  There are no excuses in this day and age to still be making Adam Sandler movies.

jessokfine  My head hurts. It might help if I stare at this tiny glowing screen for 100 hours.

Bro_Pair  this raises the question: why doesn’t every employee walk off every Adam Sandler movie

jenbigheart  A bird just flew into the library! This could up the poop count dramatically! #librarylife

kjhealy  I understand you want to cancel your merger, Mr Comcast. First I just want to go through a few options to make sure that’s the right choice.

slackmistress  Neglected to tell someone I don’t like that their fly was open. #thefaceofevil

drewtoothpaste  Doctor: It’s common in runners. Your toenail will grow back. Me: Yah, I run a lot, I didn’t, like, kick the TV stand b/c of Hotline Miami

bourgeoisalien  The soundtrack of my childhood was just the death sound from Pac-Man.

VaguelyFunnyDan  It’s amazing how much it would change The Hobbit movies if a Geo Metro occasionally rolled through the scene with a plucky “beep beep”.

vladchoc  Stephanie, I am out to lunch. If the Sims I trapped in this bedroom finally fall in love page me IMMEDIATELY. Yes, I know they look like us.

robfee  Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo.

pixelatedboat  “1985 called. It wants that jacket back” It seemed my theft of the Time Jacket had not gone unnoticed.

UncleDynamite   “You have really nice teeth,” he told her. “Strong. Like monkey teeth.”

FeralCrone   A Labrador near my park bench just made a fart like a sad trombone sound and then broke into a panting smile.

murrman5   [giving my statement to cop] its not the first time I’ve caught him on my property [mailman giving his] I dont think he knows how mail works

jamespianka  YO YOU’RE IN THE MIX WITH DJ INEXPERIENCED I AM MAD CONFUSED RIGHT NOW *air horn*

Little Big's Tweet of the Week

animaldrumss  its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Follow Friday: Hanami in Black & White

Here are some black and white photos from this year’s Cherry Blossom Hunt. Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

natewentworth  A ghost could be screaming into your butthole right. We don’t know.

Karate_Horse  [coach taps his right arm] “Bring in the belly itcher” [crowd boos]

kerihw  I will be the judge of how fun your fact is thank you.

biorhythmist Who called it a one-night stand instead of a layover

povertyluxe  How can i make crying while eating cake in bed a real job?

InfiniteChicken  Today’s generation will never know what it’s like to read lotion ingredients on the commode.

JElvisWeinstein  I love signing non-disclosure agreements…not that I ever have.

Smug_Lemur I drink eight glasses of water everyday just to be sure I never run out of tears.

SpaghettiJesus  My new kid’s book “Cats Don’t Share Laps” helps kids understand that cats don’t share laps.

annetdonahue  What if the Full House reboot is just a full episode of Too Many Cooks

SarcasticRover  <Earth opens a present> “Oh, it’s… what is it?” <Humanity smiles> “It’s good intentions! We got you good intentions!” <Earth sighs>

Home_Halfway  I don’t really think it’s fair that Dwarves get their own planet.

BookisherBunny  i like to answer the phone with OMG, hey i was just googling you!

longwall26 Idea: Always carry around a chicken, so if you’re murdered your chalk outline won’t just be the same old boring shit.

peb671  “My date fell into my cleavage” sounds like a good time, until you realize I’m talking about the fruit and not a person and now I’m sad. ok.

biorhythmist In lieu of a funeral dirge, have my pallbearers walk along a path made of bubble wrap.

DanMentos  lol my boss just called me into his office and told me I’ve been spending too much time on twitter. Hold on he’s saying something else now

lloydrang  “I really thought by now we’d all have robots,” he wrote, typing on a small device containing the sum of the world’s knowledge.

J__Swift  And autocorrect, please stop changing meds to “mess”. I KNOW.

karentozzi  Was visited by the ghost of Michael Jackson. He did that “shamone” thing and a spin and then just sat on the floor and ate a chicken pot pie

Vossvoyage  You may not like my inside voice, but you’re gonna love my karate kick, sucker.

TristinaWright  Eldest: what is this? Me: part of the sauce Eldest: pirate sauce? Me: no part of the– yes, pirate sauce Eldest: pirate sauce!

MassageByTed  Tattoo idea: Contents May Have Settled

joshgondelman  I’m kind of a “people pleaser” but way more of a “people sorrier.”

donni  Today could be the day you turn it all around! Probably won’t be, though

nathan210  Coworker just said “you have GOT to be crappin’ me.” He paused before saying ‘crapping’ as if he thought “kidding? No. Not enough. All in.”

ghostkrogh  her: what power would you want flight or invisib- me: flight her: oka- me: i want to be able to shit on ppl like birds do. i want to be free

nbadag  DATE: we should take this to the next level ME: —you want to meet sir nutsalot? DATE: *giggles* SQUIRREL IN MY COAT POCKET: wtf is so funny

SarahWoodwriter  150 years from now, Ben Affleck’s relatives will quietly ask PBS not to include that their ancestor ever played Batman.

sad_tree  [dating game show] So Joe, describe your perfect woman. -She’d have to take my loose coins and dispense cash Like coin star? –Yes

hippieswordfish  [dating gameshow] ‘kyle describe your ideal woman’ *looking thru notes* obedient, well groomed, house train- wait this is my ideal dog list

Brampersandon_  [dating game show] So, Brandon, describe your perfect woman. “She needs to be strong enough to lift me in and out of a child’s swing.”

UnFitz  Like grandma used to say, “You ain’t get to pick your family, who you fall in love with or your top tweet.”

SomeChrisTweets  Hi, it’s me, the guy who built Rome in two days, and I’m MAD.

SomeChrisTweets  FWD: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: THE DOGS HAVE LEARNED HOW TO EMAIL THIS IS YOUR DOG HELLO SUSAN

Caissie  I got this guy I like to tweet at me. I’ve still got some of it!

Choplogik  Saw a young person engrossed in conversation on the bus. Really? Totally closed off to the vast array of information online. Kids these days

asterios  BEST REASONS TO SMOKE WEED 1. It’s 4/20, brah! 2. I want to, dude! 3. I’m not high right now, man! 4. My life didn’t turn out great, amigo!

nickelbot82  Baby I put the pie and nap in pineapple

joshgondelman  If I ever say I’m thinking of becoming a vegetarian, what I really mean is in considering ALSO eating vegetables.

apelad  Nothing gives me a rush of adrenaline quite like letting it go to voicemail.

daemonic3  The year is 2035. The most popular form of surgical enhancement is adding a 3rd arm. The “selfie” arm.

apodixis  I have an idea for an app called Crumblr for people who want to look at emo pictures of coffee cake.

AnOrangeSNES  A fun prank to do is repeating the same mistakes over and over again until you die, it’s hilarious!

louisvirtel  Country music is a celebration of about four nouns.

NicestHippo  *crashes through your ceiling* Actually

weinerdog4life  Here at Applebee’s we have two rules, first, have fun, second, don’t ever push the button that says “bugs” on it

joshgondelman  My career is designed to keep my parents guessing what side of the pride/shame line they should be on.

gingerhwilliams  I clicked on a thing that said “3 Things Everyone Needs to Know About Toast” and now I kind of hate myself.

MikeDrucker  Alton Brown is played by Mark Hamill and nobody noticed.

bobvulfov   [art gallery] ME: ah it is brilliant. i must have it GALLERY MANAGER: sir that is the thermostat

batkaren  ME: TMI! COWORKER: All I said was that I had a good weekend ME: Save that shit for your blog!

markmarklittle  If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put u & i together, right after s & q and before d. That’d be fun, right? Just seein squid in there?

johnfreiler  please don’t leave me at the altar, that’s where i need you to sacrifice m

somelightcrying  PSYCHIC: hello ME: how did you know that

WhiskeySoured  All I’m saying is that the weather’s so nice, maybe you should cry outside.

ghostkrogh  After telephone booths were removed from major metropolitan areas, Superman was forced to change in Verizon Wireless section of RadioShack.

Karate_Horse  New Text acronyms: TAP = That’s A Plate (for when you see a plate) GLEN= you see a guy named Glenn #2P= bring your #2 pencil (obviously)

Jake_Vig  Lays down in the club like “I’m sleepy”

TheMichaelRock I’ll ironically use slang words until my kids stop using them.

jewfacekilla  Sorry I’m late. I put lotion on my hands and became a prisoner in my bathroom for 30 minutes.

hippieswordfish  LAWYER: as your lawyer i suggest you take the deal ME: u sure L: yes ME: k i trust you *leans out car window* ill take the 2 for $5 big macs

AmberTozer  If I ever find a dead body while I’m hiking I’m gonna be like finally

LawbsterSaid  Go ahead and vote for a man to be president, he’ll probably just get jizz all over the Constitution on the first day.

asterios  WORST VIDEO GAMES: –Assassins (Listening To) Creed  –Metal Gear Fudge  –Tom Clancy’s Dry Cleaning Is Ready, Can You Handle?

TheCatWhisprer  Turns out Parcheesi night was nowhere near as fun or tasty as it sounded. Would not recommend.

jerryRenek  When the universe collapses and time reverses, I’m definitely not looking forward to a whole bunch of visits to the bathroom.

ewfeez  “Oh, the humanities!” -Disappointed parent of a college student

AmishPornStar1  I can’t believe how old people my age are.

torahhorse  it’s hard to define “success” but for me it’s when 6 sparrows cook me breakfast using tiny pots and pans

kerihw  First time we’ve watched Frozen in three or four weeks so I’m coming to it fresh.

FakeLibStats  A tattoo on a librarian’s back is called a spine label

cloudypianos I like your hair, can I have it?

louisvirtel The only way I’ll see “Batman vs. Superman” is if it’s a divorce drama.

ryankresse  “Stop trying to make fetch happen.” – my dog

audipenny  [at job interview] “What’s your greatest weakness?” Yes

johnmoe  Plart Glorp: Mall Cromp 2: Gall Flott

biorhythmist  A blart is when you think you’re going to fart but then you accidentally blow yourself

ewfeez  [job interview NASA] On paper ur well qualified for our astronaut program. Would u say u have any weaknesses? “Well I can only shit at home”

MrsTomServo  I’m curator of the phallalogical museum. This is my supplier, Phil. He gives me the willies.

DelanieFischer I hope someone takes me shopping for my birthday. Grocery shopping.

somelightcrying  [sex] HER: talk confusedly to me ME: what HER: oh fuck yeah

eileencurtright  “Actually, urine appears nowhere in the canonical Calvin & Hobbes texts,” is always a good ice breaker with truck people.

PJTLynch Well sir, I doubt everyone will be so upset my desk is “infested” with caterpillars once the office is “infested” with beautiful butterflies

_mindflakes  If you ever need to escape a boring conversation just lie down flat on the floor and make a noise like a carpet.

Stapes  You guys, it’s been nearly 15 minutes since I last heard Uptown Funk, and I just wanted to make sure I was still aliv— never mind. All good.

Little Big's Tweet of the Week

Karate_Horse  i am actually zero degrees of separation from kevin bacon (because I am having sex with him right now)

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

 

 

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