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Follow Friday: Home Life 38

12 Dec

Today’s post features photos from my Home Life series, number 38. Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

adamgurri   Do as I say, not as I say on Twitter.

sarcasmically  “Mom, what’s ‘buttercream’?”

“Sit down, honey. It’s time we talk about our religion.”

danforthfrance   The worst thing in the world is hyperbole

Karate_Horse  I came here to do two things. light Bunsen burners and coach powderpuff football. hi I’m your earth science teacher gary

sixthformpoet  Seriously, every guy’s a tough guy if you try eating them.

kerihw  Watched the new Robocop last night, I don’t know what happened because I fell asleep after 30 minutes but I had a dream about a tin opener.

MrWordsWorth  Will and Kate & Jay Z and Beyonce Spend Awkward Night Trying to Determine Who Should Bow to Whom.

DangOlWill  Aside from dealing with the crushing weight of existence as a human, I don’t think I have anything to do tomorrow.

kerihw  -So what do you do?

-Dragged myself from nothing in the ghetto to become a successful musician & businessman. You?

-Just sort of born.

mitdasein  Marijuana is bad for your memory. Whenever I’m high I forget to berate myself in a hateful internal monologue cataloging all my flaws.

RachaelvsWorld  “I’m not like all the other girls” I say as 22 bagels fall out of my bag.

vornietom  I very much enjoy a variety of sports games. Slappy ball, stick-stick, circle dashing, I’ll watch them all and what’s more I’ll cheer loudly

boominonion   .@Oprah if you punch yourself in the face are you winning or losing the fight?

trumpetcake  Accidentally let my turtle crawl across a pipe organ and now I’m engaged to a whale.

rstevens  do porn stars have out of orifice replies?

sad_tree  He knows when you are sleeping/ He knows when you’re awake/ He even knows when you look at porn/ His names Jeff he works for the NSA

tigersgoroooar You know what, I can’t live like this anymore. I’m leaving you, Gary. [tries to get out of Poäng chair from Ikea for 45 minutes]

morninggloria  At the grocery store the clerk asked for my ID and when I pulled my wallet out of my gym bag a pair of underwear flew out.

markleggett   “More like ‘Naivety Scene’…”, says Richard Dawkins. “MORE LIKE ‘NAIVETY SCENE’!”, he shouts. “Good joke, Richard”, he whispers.

quantumpotpie  Peyton & Papa John are fucking, right?

Smug_Lemur  I accidentally swallowed a cough drop & now you can hear the faint sound of a tiny Swiss man yelling ricola every time I exhale.

TheTweetOfGod  People assume I’m pro-life but if you look at My record it’s pretty clear I’m very pro-death.

asukalangley  its weird that for every new meme that starts theres a person sat at home somewhere feeling horribly responsible for it

IamEnidColeslaw this gas station sandwich tastes the way I feel

HarperPerennial  I’m not wearing my glasses but I’ll be damned if that’s going to stop me from pushing them up the bridge of my nose.

adholden  The metal screws in my pelvis ache whenever a storm is brewing I wish I had a different super power

TheThomason  Sitting on shelves has always been a huge part of the elf mythos.

BtotheD  Remind me to write that coffee table book about 80s valley girls someday and call it “I’m Mall Out of Love”.

papasuncle  Judging people so hard today you might as well call me your honor.

thenatewolf

  • Mom: I brought you into this world and I can take you out
  • Me: Who taught you about laws, mom? Granny?
  • Granny: I’m allowed to kill everyone

tastefactory  Tattoos are a nice way to forever honor loved ones, like family members who have passed away, or skulls with bat wings that have passed away

Annekinns  Misery does not love company it loves tacos.

SeiYoung83  I don’t always have time to clean but when I do, I don’t

papasuncle  Who called it Scientology and not Cruise control?

Fauxgyptian  Next time someone asks you how you slept close your eyes and say “like this” & just stay that way for like 7 hours

mattsai  Do they make advent calendars with cheese in them?

annetdonahue

  • “Excuse me, are you–“
  • I smile. “Yes. I am. It’s me.” –
  • “I thought so. Miss, you’ve been banned from this Arby’s and you need to leave.”

EmVeeGreen  Do you ever wonder whether Canadians are so polite because all of their repressed rage is magically transferred into Canada geese?

annetdonahue  The dog next door is barking, the phone just rang, my Klout score went up so yeah, everyone. It looks like a woman really CAN have it all.

theleanover  Probably my biggest fear is elephants

kylekinane

  • “What if God made Eve from one of Adam’s McRibs? Who would even want an apple after that?”
  • “Sir, so are you ordering a McRib?”
  • “Yes. Three.”

marlespo  None of you have come to babysit any number of my children for me, I’m beginning to wonder if twitter even works

jeffswarens  I think the phrase should be “push it very well”

slackmistress  If advent calendars were accurate, behind every day’s door would be two Xanax.

exitingcorpse kids today with their “selfies”.. whatever happened to becoming mesmerised by your own reflection in a pond, and then drowning in the pond

norcross  just realized all the announcer statements in NBA Jams can be shouted during sex and be perfectly appropriate.

annetdonahue  WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE is it cool if I just use the bathroom real quick or do I have to order something

TheBosha  What idiot called it the La Leche League instead of Tots 4 Tits?

JElvisWeinstein  Thanks technology, I’ve started to mistake actual birdsong for annoying ringtones.

TheBlackNerd  caffeine is great because it’s a freight train crashing through the walls of mental insecurity but also the train is on fire

elakdawalla  Sign I may have fallen down a gift shopping rabbit hole: customers who bought item I’m looking at also bought a trebuchet

rstevens  when life gives you marmots, make marmalade

kerihw they complain they want work done but it was THEM who gave you a spinny chair in the FIRST place

AmandaDylina  The birth of Baby Jesus is sacred and best celebrated in terrible, themed knits.

danforthfrance  KIDS DON’T READ THIS TWEET. Okay, I know the Santa Tracker is BS, but the Pizza Tracker’s legit, right?

jonnysun  LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name / ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack

rstevens  They made so many Hobbit movies might as well title ‘em The Seven Dwarves

OBiiieeee  GIRL: oh, you ski? *points to ski rack on car as Subway employees are hauling out my multiple party subs* ME:*waving them off* yes, yes i do

Cheeseboy22  One nice thing I like to do for people is when I enter a public restroom, I look under each stall to tell people hello.

SCbchbum  Two white girls in Lowe’s are arguing over which shade of white paint to use, & that in itself, should be a shade of white paint

hello_saylor  A fun look that’s popular with the young gals at work is “business casual sparkly pirate.”

Toaster_Pastry  I recognized an Air Supply song, and received some extra credit with the Lord.

InfiniteChicken  I fully expect my work emails to continue for many months after my death: “I know you’ve recently passed away, but…”

FrankWaln Thoroughly convinced we should’ve never showed you guys headdresses

Swishergirl24  I feel my most Christmasy when I’m crying in a parking lot.

crulge  first they came for people who write “first they came for” posts about stupid nerd shit, and there was nobody to complain about it. it ruled

man_spach  I’m pretty judgmental for somebody who is just one year removed from wearing an Old Navy Tech Vest.

slackmistress  I refuse to star out vowels in curse words because kids have to learn to spell somewhere.

biorhythmist  Sorry I ate your advent calendar for breakfast.

rstevens  Disney should buy Dune so I can ride Spice Mountain

OwensDamien

I hope there’s a protest against the new porn rules in Britain.

  • ‘What do we want?’
  • ‘Face-sitting videos!’
  • ‘When do we want them?’
  • ‘Mmpfpf!’

usedwigs  Top Baby Boy Names 2014 – Aiden – Bubléden – Caden – Cassius Clayden – Flambéden – Bobby Flayden – Dorian Grayden – Dr. Jayden – Rick

wd45  Saw a colleague’s coffee mug emblazoned with the phrase “#1 Dad” and now I’m wondering if these dad awards are even legitimate

ProfessorSnack  Too lazy to cook french fries. Just going to add some spray starch to this ham sandwich.

Patheticist  A Christmas charity that volunteers to even for girls who can’t.

MassageByTed  I was worried for a minute that I was going to have to have a salad, but fortunately the lettuce had gone bad.

CourtneyReimer I started exercising which made me need to eat more so I can continue exercising so basically the system is rigged

shutupmikeginn  It was probably really easy to sell soda when you were allowed to put cocaine in it

Sickayduh  I got over my 80s addiction by immersing myself in a ton of cardiac surgery videos. Just totally clips of the heart.

fart  “See ya later, masturbator” is such a childish thing to say. Instead, try “Farewell, masturbator”

johngaysee  Folded a fitted sheet correctly and now I think I might be a witch.

chrislhayes  We’re losing sight of what’s really important: the Obama daughters have the objectively correct attitude towards the Turkey pardon.

americanwombat  Having a child is like having your heart outside your body, like a lich’s phylactery or maybe a horcrux or something.

DillDoes  Football is just a game where a bunch of men hug each other and one guy tries really hard not to get hugged.

EasilyTempted  Xanax: Worrier Princess

UncleDynamite  If you want people to think you’ve lost weight, buy the next size up. That’s just good science.

willgoldstein  My only goal on social media is to not come across as a big enough asshole to go viral.

shinyinfo Pretty sure you can’t get a DNA match from hair unless there is a skin tag attached. At least that’s what a different TV show said.

tweet of the week

 

kerihw what idiot called it dissecting a kitten and not an aw-topsy

What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

 

 

 

Follow Friday: Bounce House Buddies

5 Dec

These photos were taken at Isobel’s fourth birthday. Have a great weekend!

What is a Follow Friday post? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

 

shariv67  A cookie inspired Proust to write a 1,000 page memoir, whereas four sleeves of Oreos inspired me to write my will.

pdxjohnny99  Egg Nog: because it’s possible to get drunk off ice cream.

AvoidComments  Read the comments once, shame on you. Read the comments twice… seriously. So much shame.

david8hughes  Wife: can u pick the kids up from school?

Me, blowing on the coffee in my ‘Worlds Best Dad Quarter Finalist’ mug: which school do they go to?

daemonic3  My Powerpoint presentations to upper management are like Russian Roulette. Only 1 out of every 6 bullets is real

tweetcomedian  I ran out of Hall’s Mentho-Lyptus, so I just ate a koala.

biorhythmist Any book can be a coffee table book if you believe in yourself

msdanifernandez  You’re so vain you probably think this voodoo doll with strands of your real hair stitched in your exact likeness is about you.

TheRedQueen  Will some couple someday tell their grandkids about how granddad sent their grandma a DM that said “nice tits” and the rest was history?

BadAstronomer  Always cracks me up when a character in a show says, “I don’t believe in coincidences.” That’s like saying you don’t believe in numbers.

kerihw  i have spent the last hour writing the start of a film about middle aged transformers who transform into household appliances

kevinseccia  “The left hook figuratively took Pulev’s head off.” -boxing announcer Jim Lampley, who the Internet could learn a lot from

nevesytrof  Well. In case you wondered where my life’s at, apparently I passed out last night in front of the Wikipedia entry for the Suez Crisis.

audipenny  *entering crowded room* did you guys know that we can all just go home instead of this

shinyinfo  I think I am in love with the contractor Property Brother. That’s how I can tell it’s getting too late.

thenomodellady  I’ve been waiting to get my second wind for like three days.

Blunt_Sarcastic  Setting fire to the entire contents of the box is easily the most impressive way to win at Jenga.

slackmistress  Hearing people laughing and having fun is the worst. It’s like they haven’t heard of Netflix and wine.

wordlust  Girl, you broke my heart. Are you even a real cardiologist?

bridger_w  As saddening as it is, I have accepted that my best hair day of the year could very well be behind me

J__Swift Ugh, I might have to keep this kitten, he’s not afraid of the cocktail shaker.

cloudypianos  I’m sorry but my cashier was not friendly and I want a free cake.

palinode  If the new Star Wars doesn’t feature someone singing Turn Down For Hutt I’m demanding my money back

drewtoothpaste  Some musicians might hate when someone repeats their own songs’ words back to them. Not me. I assume you’ve had a stroke or brain injury.

ImAmandaNelson  my kingdom to never ever again in life see the phrase “the true meaning of Christmas

davedittell

  • BAE: come over
  • ME: u died 10 yr ago..
  • BAE: my parents arent home
  • ME: they moved 2 FL
  • BAE:
  • ME: after u died
  • BAE:
  • ME: should I still come over

jeffsaporito  The Nissan Cube is the perfect vehicle for anyone who didn’t get to fulfill their life’s goal of becoming a USPS mail carrier.

FlyoverJoel  Don’t hate me because I’m flying to Maui tomorrow. Hate me because I’m telling you that I’m flying to Maui tomorrow.

Home_Halfway  “To be and not to be” ~ Schrodinger’s Hamlet

momopface  I would enjoy this cold weather a lot more if I had a pet penguin.

shinyinfo  I don’t need kids, I manage 17 library pages.

stockejock  You finished an entire marathon? I understand-I cut the roof of my mouth on Cap’n Crunch, but I pressed on & finished the whole bag anyway.

man_spach  Spray Cheese Rules Everything Around Me, S.C.R.E.A.M

SamuelHLowe  I could spend hours reading Shakespeare. I know it’s only a word, but I love it.

rstevens  no no when i said you were the cream in my coffee, i meant you ruin everything

famouscrab  apparently theres a special place in hell for me. Sounds a bit suspicious tbh

EmilyHenryWrite For dinner I am making my trademark soup, which is what I call dissolving 15 tums in a bottle of water.

A_single_bear  There is basically an unlimited amount of moss for you to eat or chew on. That should make your day better. I am a bear.

emilysteers  “the zest of one orange” = “the zest of one orange + some knuckle”

missambear  get a tattoo of your favorite brand’s logo and then you too can be branded content

gregorcorp  I WISH I had personal demons. I feel like Beelzebub is splitting his time between a hundred different things.

danforthfrance  Waiting for a second-attempt UPS delivery today. Every truck in low gear outside my house is a dagger in my heart.

UncleDynamite  God Particle Sends Son Particle to Higgs Boson Convention

MassageByTed  *casually leaves a copy of Swann’s Way on the bathroom counter to impress the plumber*

MrsTomServo  Diet update: spelled begrudgingly “befudgingly” in an e-mail.

RobynHTV  I just paused the elliptical machine so I could finish my cup of coffee. Not sure I’m doing fitness right.

wordlust  Remember, if you have no regrets and always believe in yourself no matter what, you’re a monster.

 

ibid78  Dr. Doom takes off his mask to reveal his Juggalo makeup. Wiping away the makeup we find the Pope. He takes off the hat. It’s Jaden Smith.

Tormny_Pickeals  i dont “see” race or gender. i dont “see” prominent identifying characteristics. im dragging a toaster on a leash bc i thought its a dog

wordlust  By this age, I hoped a robot would marry or kill me.

timeblimp Are we there yet #GoogleSearchesByAFiveYearOld

timeblimp  Is my name Aiden or Kaden? It’s too awkward to ask my parents now. #GoogleSearchesByAFiveYearOld

DeniseSnodell  how to hide broccoli #GoogleSearchesByAFiveYearOld

Jorschach How do I get more money to come out of my ear? #GoogleSearchesByAFiveYearOld

ceilck  Hey, guess what? #GoogleSearchesByAFiveYearOld

vornietom  I woke up like this (late)

aimlessamers  Each time my mom puts an inspirational meme about finding the right man someday on my Facebook wall, a cat is auto-shipped to my house.

talkwordy  Holy shit it is International Men’s Day. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge all that men have done. No. Wait. Put down the bat.

NicestHippo  Ring announcer: “LLLET’S GET READY TO STUMBLLLE” *I run out and attempt basic life tasks*

Cheeseboy22  One of my first grade students just came up to me at recess and said, “Mr. Y, I just fell and hurt my bum on the ass fall.”

GrantTanaka  I AM THE KING OF CALIFORNIA ACCORDING TO THIS MATTRESS

beg_danish  I have got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no possible reason

Sickayduh  I’m more of an Alfalfa Male

Home_Halfway

  • “Mmmm say my name, baby”
  • My name my name my name!! “
  • Ugh do you have to make jokes during sex?”
  • YES I AM VERY FRIGHTENED

NicestHippo  Before the internet I had to yell at strangers on the street about the stupid things that offended me

LostCatDog  Hiring a professional outrage curator to help me make tasteful but interesting choices about what to get angry at

jennyvsjenny  LOL ITS INTERNATIONAL MENS DAY AND WORLD TOILET DAY

hairicaaa  I just dropped my iPhone in Starbucks. Eight people audibly gasped, and one girl literally said “Are you okay?!?”

ranjit  Sir Mix-a-lot likes big butts and cannot lie. His twin brother does not like big butts and cannot tell the truth. You may ask one question.

danforthfrance  If you already hate your cable company, I guarantee you’re for Net Neutrality.

JPwhatever  R.I.P. actual sleep

kerihw  So embarrassing when you stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back at you so you wave but the abyss was staring at the dude behind you.

robdelaney   .@BobDylan Ever put a candy bar in your little harmonica holder thing?

BillCorbett   My emotional support animal is a Komodo dragon and I NEED it to feel OK on this plane. Sorry it ate your baby but what about MY feelings?

zacharyflynn   Hard to believe American Idol started during Lincoln’s presidency and is going into its 152nd season but it is

JElvisWeinstein  I just saw a TV ad for Neuticles. Thanks a lot, like I need my dog seeing that was an option? What’s next, an ad for long walks?

fierceflawless  Time to trim the cats’ nails, or as I call it, There Will Be Blood.

danforthfrance  I’m back from the future. Their coke cans are different.

notthatkendall  A YouTube channel I would watch: A bunch of grown-ass adults openly weep while folding fitted sheets.

morninggloria  No matter how many miles I run, I will never have the thigh gap or meaty breasts of a turkey.

Cheeseboy22   I think it’s important to buy locally, which is why I always go to the closest Target to my house.

wordlust   My safeword is “Avengers assemble!”

Home_Halfway  A lot of people don’t know this but I hate them.

tweet of the week

 

man_spach It’s okay password, I’m insecure too.

What is a Follow Friday post? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

 

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