FF Zozo Snack

Today’s post features my 30lb cat making derp faces as he tries to eat some flowers.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

wordlust  America isn’t a melting pot. It’s more of a chocolate-covered calzone full of chicken wings.

MagpieLibrarian  the little engine who couldn’t even

annetdonahue  IS DONALD TRUMP’S HAIR A HORCRUX YES OR NO

rstevens  But here’s my flavor /So call me Fieri

MrWordsWorth  You can always tell the people who ate too much at the state fair by the giant stick protruding from their asses.

clowndro  Stick a fork in me, I am into that

FBSisnothere  I see your sports reference I don’t understand and raise you a song lyric from a band you’ve never heard of.

DrWrought  google+ just asked whether I know my mother. wouldn’t this be awkward if I didn’t

13spencer  The people in Florida are more frightening than the alligators.

robfee  Disney gave me a very unrealistic expectation on the amount of dogs and/or monkeys I would see playing in major sporting events.

prettysadmostly  love is out there somewhere and when i find it its going to do all the laundry

TheDairylandDon  make up your minds, waffle cones

samfbiddle  personally I wish that instead of reporting upsetting things that happen in the world we had more videos of ted cruz doing cartoon voices

kevinseccia  Figuring out which hand towel to use in a friend’s cluttered bathroom is probably the closest I’ll ever get to negotiating a minefield.

TheMichaelRock  I’ve seen a lot of weird shit on twitter, but the Google+ link I just saw in someone’s bio took it to a whole new level.

VaguelyFunnyDan  It’s 2015 and a leading Presidential candidate is answering the women’s issues question by pointing out that he arranges beauty pageants.

theshamingofjay  It’s okay dress socks, I give up halfway during the day too.

k_hoff99  Just because you’re garbage doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called a garbage can, not a garbage cannot.

Chumpstring  ME: [spins the Price is Right wheel] DREW: good luck buddy! u wanna say hi to someone? ME: [stares into the camera awhile] nah.

louisvirtel Cargo shorts say, “I’m a nice guy with nothing to hide except an entire Discman.”

ImAmandaNelson  WHY WON’T THIS SEMI-COLON BECOME A COMMA oh that’s mustard on my screen: a memoir

owlparliament  ayyyy boy are you a mentholated muscle ointment because I wanna rub you all over my butt

andrewmorrisey  Congratulations rainbow, you’ve passed with flying colors.

ModernSauce  Good thing about not understanding finance is that it’s just another terrible Monday for me! Wheeee! *thinks about potatoes for three hours*

jessokfine  Going to start referring to my lady bits as my “niche”

amydillon  I don’t care what the calendar says, summer is officially over when the soles of my flip flops finish disintegrating.

robfee  “Wiz Khalifa got arrested while high, riding a hoverboard at the airport” sounds like the solution to the greatest game of Clue of all time.

WBKnoblock  Country music is right there in between the sound of being stabbed in the ear and that super low note that makes you shit yourself.

ProfessorSnack  Pics or you didn’t eat it.

FatChickinLA  Donald Trump’s political style is a mix of Nixon’s Southern Strategy and WWE bad guy wrestler script.

markleggett  A moist towelette is a female moist towel.

paulverhoeven  Friend has a puppy and asked for a term to describe stepping in the same poop you haven’t cleaned yet AGAIN. I yelled “BROWNHOG DAY”.

aliciahiggison  In an interview, when they ask me something I’m not good at, I can confidently answer: “Picking the right size Tupperware for leftovers.”

fart  saw an old guy w a shirt that said “with a body like this, who needs hair?” but he was NOT BALD. so now i know too much about his pube sitch

TeeJayRush  Ladies, if he says he wants you to have his children, make sure he’s not talking about dropping them off at your house the next day

kerihw  sorry that at the moment of climax a) I shouted “three points to gryffindor!” and b) i only gave u three points

papasuncle  Scotch tape is just regular tape that has been aged in oak barrels for at least 3 years.

SarNobz  Financial status: stuck a stick of incense in a cherry tomato.

maureenjohnson  My editor had to talk me out of eating a whole bunch of bees because I wanted to experience Buzzfeed.

Jedimasterbator  “If I could have one, and only one, superpower I’d choose the Soviet Union.” #overheardatstarbucks

wallacs  The worst thing about driving to Ohio is that when you finally get there, you’re in Ohio.

onedumbshark  WEDDING CEREMONY TIP: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue; something fleek, one canoe, some risotto, deja vu.

sannewman  If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d choose Antonin Scalia, dead.

emiiillllyyyy  I have 2 boys, Thaniel is 85 months & Blandon just turned 53 months. We’re still nursing. Nothing comes out but it calms my urge to shoplift

TheWoodenslurpy  If tough love doesn’t work, try gentle hate.

trumpetcake  “Well that’s showbiz!” I say, desperately pointing to a dusty old hose and praying this time I’ve guessed right.

HelloCullen  You should see the other guy. Specifically, how good at fighting he is.

SortaBad  *guy shows me his Chinese character tattoo* “It means wisdom” *I show him a Batman BandAid on my arm* “It means I was brave at the doctor”

LizHackett  You’re a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken’s done.

TheWoodenslurpy Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.

Little Big's Tweet of the Week

goldengateblond  chocolate so rich it thinks it can run for president even though it’s an idiot

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

FF First Grade

These photos were taken the day before Isobel’s first day of first grate, which is going splendidly. Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

lazerdoov  Turns out my parents got divorced because they were trying to text one another with calculators for 3 years and just drifted apart

theshrillest  well, I hope we’ve all learned a very important lesson from today’s events. not sure exactly what lesson that is but I hope we learned it

shariv67  *Lets the call of Cthulu go to voicemail*

tanehisicoates  I was 8 years old. My brother was the DM. Other kids’ older brother’s bullied them. Mine let me walk out into the world with 3 hit-points.

MrWordsWorth  The weather is so muggy it demanded all my money and made me go to the ATM to give it more.

mackymoo  I was complaining to someone about the humidity and they thought I said humanity. #notwrong

joshgondelman  “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking!” Don’t. That’s why they invented thinking.

michaeljnelson  I would buy an electric car, but my only experience is them popping out of their slot track, tumbling across the floor and hitting my dog.

MarcTweetsHere  An energy drink-addicted Muppet called Monster Monster

joshgondelman  I just saw a guy with the anarchy symbol tattooed on his face which is the only place I respect one of those.

mulaney  i mean @realDonaldTrump if you’re so good at negotiating how come you couldn’t get @DonaldTrump

PoliticalLine  Bobby Jindal is so low in the polls that he might need to attack Deez Nuts platform to boost name recognition

iboudreau  It’s so hot that the Gatorade I’m chugging just leaks straight into my shirt armpits.

rilaws  Imagine being all excited about the sexy affair you arranged online after months/years of working up the nerve and then Josh Duggar shows up

NicestHippo  To kids who are struggling with the challenges of college life, please remember: it gets so much worse

zachbraff  I don’t know who Ashley Madison is, but I’m tired of hearing about her massive dump.

JennyPentland  this luggage carousel is making me want sushi

Kayte_Kat  My favorite childhood memory: not paying bills

ImAmandaNelson  I just told my kid good night and he responded “Bye Feh-lee-shlia”

ClevelandPoet  Every day my coworker sees me he asks “did you run yesterday?” I’m pretty sure no jury would convict me.

RiverClegg  It’s amazing how, with just a little practice, I’m virtually no better at guitar.

MavenofHonor  My low blood sugar TED Talk “FOODS: What Are It & How To Obtain” has been canceled due to recent findings (a granola bar).

NathanielWagg  DARRYL: i can’t kill him! He’s my wife’s cousin’s orthodontist! RICK: that ain’t your wife’s cousin’s orthodontist no more

KalvinMacleod  WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.

RiverClegg  Every NASA employee got their job by correctly guessing the number of jelly beans in one of those big jars.

SamGrittner  Behind every great woman is another great woman. They’re everywhere.

weinerdog4life  Welcome to the jungle we got fun and games just kidding bugs and diarrhea have fun dickhead

TheWoodenslurpy  Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.

JohnLyonTweets  Danger? I text LOL to danger.

jlock17  I never realized my dog has the same last name as me until I took him to the vet.

TheTimmyToes  [makes a voodoo doll of himself] [gives it a little back rub]

KeatonPatti  Fuck the police. Marry the fire department. Kill the post office.

Little Big's Tweet of the Week

waferbaby  The best thing I saw today was two pregnant ladies trying to hug.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...