It’s time for some Thrift Store Gore! What is thrift store gore? I made it up with my brain! It’s a column I created after finding one too many disturbingly weird things while thrifting. I post photos of stuff that belongs at the tippy-top of Little Big’s Thrifting Pyramid and then I make fun of them. Click here for more gore, or here to learn about Thrift Store Gore Bingo, a fun game for the whole family and maybe that crazy lady who won’t stop talking to you in housewares.
Today’s column is all about some very sad looking cats and a few disturbing bunnies. Let’s begin, shall we?
The first item for your consideration is a piece of silk onto which an image of two Persian kittens has been printed. It looks like something out of a Scholastic book order from 1987. The sheer weirdness of this piece didn’t photograph well because what sets it apart from a normal strange thrift store portrait (other than the fact it’s on silk, which seriously, WTF) is that the image is… stuffed. The two kittens and the basket contained careful stitches along the outline of their silhouettes and are stuffed with batting. Like, they are puffy. It’s so weird. And I have a confession: this is exactly the sort of piece that I photograph to make fun of, send to my friends for a round of WTF comments, and then secretly, in my heart of hearts, desire in a true and pure and non-ironic way. It reminds me of puffy stickers from the eighties. All these kittens are missing is the googly eyes.
I can see this cat’s position making sense as part of a set but by itself it’s just crying out for an INVISIBLE LAWN MOWER! caption. And also, possibly, VISIBLE LOBOTOMY!
When I’m feeling blue and need a good pick me up I naturally want to look at a picture of a starving, huge-eyed gray cat abandoned at a dump. Oh god it’s Squirrelly! I can’t look anymore! It’s too much!
The thing I like about this photo, other than the fact that it looks like the photo the artist above used to base his “Dump Cat” portrait on is that this is totally a photo this cat would be embarrassed of later on in life. He’s going to be super pissed when he finds out his Mom hung the photo of his awkward phase over the mantle.
I feel the internet sometimes needs to be reminded that just because something is vintage doesn’t automatically make it awesome. Sometimes it is just the opposite. Case in point.
This clock is epic in its terribleness. If I were invited to a white elephant gift exchange, this is exactly the gift I would want to bring. These cats look really pissed but, like, resigned at the same time. Their expressions say, “Look, lady, you can make us practice every day for hours on end and we’re never going to be able to play the violin or dance en pointe.
Oh, man. Where to start with this one…? No, just no.
The only reason a cat would be wearing and/or carrying a bouquet of flowers would be for the express purpose of eating them in order to barf them up on your bed later.
And now, just as I promised, scary bunnies!
My friend Valerie is convinced this bunny is related to Frank from Donnie Darko.
What is more disturbing about this, a grandma bunny whose face looks like male genitals, or the fact that oh dear god those baskets have holes in there-what is she transporting that needs air holes?!
Anthony thinks this bunny is rather tame, but I think the expression of its kohl-rimmed eyes are terrifying. And the way its (threateningly?!) looking out from behind its paws. Maybe I’ve seen too many face-penis rabbits to ever think a thrift store ceramic bunny is normal, but I have a feeling this guy is demonic. “Let’s play hide-and-seek, Timmy. The winner gets your soul.”