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The photos in today’s post are from Christmas 2011. Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

torgospizza  I’m starting to think Jeez Louise is not a real person.

kinaka Protected Tweets  Let’s play the “how many times can I drop my phone on my face when sandwiched in between two sleeping people” game. I’m at 3 so far

trumpetcake  “Hi, this is Dan. Would you like to talk about biscuits?” – cool new app I invented

FlyoverJoel  Pretty sure I just saw Miley twerking Santa Claus underneath the wrecking ball last night.

snazzmania  I bet if you tried to punt the fuck out of a jigglypuff your foot would just get stuck in it

polianarchy  I used to get so sad when I found out people didn’t like me. Now I just think they’re stupid. NOBODY LIKES ME? WHAT A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES

DrMaldoror  One of my relatives is attempting “cute reindeer cookies” for her child’s snack-time. She has achieved “upsetting brown Cyberman cookies”.

JulieFroolie  I need to look festive tomorrow can I wear your mom

markleggett  Donald Trump is so rich that he wipes his poops on hundred dollar bills, and so weird that he then puts those bills straight into his mouth.

ChristopOConnor  I’m not a ‘misanthrope.’ That sounds like a word annoying people use. And I hate annoying people. And all people, now that you mention it.

usedwigs  Almost done writing my will, just a couple final requests *googles Panera Bread Bowl Coffin*

SwashLabs  Suggestions @jberthume got in re: what prop to hold during staff photos: 1) running shoes 2) fake arm 3) can bear 4) human heart

Fun_Beard  We can all agree that Frosty the Snowman is white though, right?

thegrumbles  My deepest most horrible daily fear is that my phone will fall out of the back pocket of my pants into the toilet.

torgospizza  Santa is a concept, an idea. He’s like Christmas Batman.

morninggloria  Can I get pregnant from looking at pictures of babies dressed up as reindeer?

DrWrought  At least one person on any city bus smells like junior high

DrWrought  Before your kids encounter Santa for the first time, please prepare them, because Santa is terrifying

AnnaLefler  Your Elf on the Shelf leaves me no choice but to unleash the Clown in my Gown.

DrWrought   next time you have sex, try not to think of it as two meat arrangements becoming one bigger, grosser meat arrangement

introvertedwife  I’d prefer to believe in a god who’s a bit too fucking busy to worry if your skirt is too damn short or not.

SomeChrisTweets  Welcome to the Museum of Independence. I will not be your guide.

palinode  “Please activate the pod seals, Mr. Smith. Breathe the gas in normally. When you wake up you will be the Prince of Bel Air.”

meaganewaller  The notion of a “feminist killjoy” is a myth. What joy is she killing? The joy you get from being a bigot? Good.

sweden  The worst thing with having a beard must be the massive amount of animals i catch with it during evening bike rides at summer.

donni  To make a long story short: The judge gave the dog full custody

donni  I’m handsome in the sense that I have some amount of hands greater than one

DamienFahey  The first thing I think after opening a holiday card with a family picture on it is, “Well, will ya look at these assholes.”

MagpieLibrarian  You know where the unfollow button is, folks. Dry those tears.

_yourDM  Uh yeah, I guess you can be a Dubstep Bard but only if you beatbox the whole time.

LaurelKS  John cooked a burger before he left and filled the house with smoke. I feel like he’s taken crop-dusting to the next level.

cloudcm  I wish I were a redwood tree and then I could sit around looking majestic rather than lazy.

usedwigs  Did you know if you synch The Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of The Moon then synch that to your Christmas Lights your neighbors will hate you?

JRehling  I was talking on the phone with my friend and he said the NSA might be listening to us and another voice said “No we’re not.”

iboudreau  Being that he’s a figment of my imagination, I’ve decided to make Santa Claus green. Yup, he’s now an orc.

lianamaeby  “Don’t tell Mom the babysitter’s Dad.” – A wasted Mrs. Doubtfire tagline opportunity

samanthajcampen  Tubes of wrapping paper give off quite the siren song in this house. Sword! Light saber! Walking stick! Trumpet! Speed bumps! Baseball bat!

theleanover  I never get what I really want: finger lasers.

baconNmeggs  Once again I’m all dressed up in a movie quality bear suit and giant overalls with no place to go

rhysjamesy  A baguette is a female bag.

waferbaby  Wrote up peer reviews. Mostly mentioned punctuation and general smell.

Greeblemonkey  If I pass out from hunger on the way to get lunch, someone throw food at my body.

kerihw  Nothing will ever be as cool as the time a kid in our school came in after christmas with a Casio watch that was also a tv remote control.

Stormbeard  I think if you’re the only one on a train you should get to ride up front with the driver.

kerihw  *avoids Sherlock spoiler by dipping shoulder and sending it one way, then accelerating in the opposite direction*

louisvirtel  So many child stars have leaked naked pictures, the abdominal V gutters should be renamed “the Disney channels.”

shinyinfo  “She wants the D…NA test results.” -Maury Povitch, probably.

shinyinfo   All I want for Christmas is the D(ickens)

shinyinfo  I want another weekend day. I need more time to sit around.

aaronhoff  Why would my iPhone autocorrect the spelling of Illuminati if it didn’t exist?

annetdonahue  It began with a book. Then before I knew it I was reading five, six a week. Damn it I was hooked on phonics and I wasn’t going to stop.

AaronFullerton  People make fun of Starbucks holiday drinks, but in LA, it’s the only way we can tell seasons.

wordlust  I don’t think you have an ugly child. I think you have an average-looking orc.

joshjs  I found Jesus, you guys. He was hanging out in front of the Circle K with Ramon and Buddha.

stevelibrarian  My house smells like cookies! Also, my mouth tastes like cookies!

MandiHarris  But, like, why isn’t there a butt emoji?

theleanover  R2D2 is pretty sassy for a diaper pail.

JerryThomas  My comfort zone is itchy.

fierceflawless  If you really love me & care about my wellbeing, never invite me anywhere before 9 am.

UnFitz  *makes love, not war* *love turns out to be more devastating than war*

josephesque  My wife discovered a parkour court nearby so my dream to be the most pathetic person west of the Mississippi can be realized in Portland.

usedwigs  I like when reality show producers introduce conflict to shake things up but this turtle is being a real dick to the kittens on Too Cute!

annetdonahue  So according to the barista’s expression, a serious “oh I will” is the creepiest way to follow up his “thank you, enjoy.”

pervocracy  “There are a lot of perverts on the Internet” was supposed to mean “watch out” but ended up meaning “you’re not alone!”

schmutzie  90% of the spam comments on my blog are from people shilling for a spell-casting love doctor.

BugginWord  I’m amused by how often I receive emails from my husband that contain the phrase, “I’m a little hesitant about ‘herpes.'”

vforrestal  When my cats puke, it has to be in at least 3 rooms, thus sending me on the least fun scavenger hunt ever.

shariv67  JUST FIXED OUR BROKEN ROUTER BY YELLING AT IT. I HAVE MAGICS. I AM THE NEXT STEP OF EVOLUTION. I am looking at pictures of hedgehogs.

redsesame  Guys, idea: just eat brie for breakfast.

AndyRichter  .@Petco what aisle do you keep these on: 1. monkey 2. goat 3. monkey-sized saddle for goat

shinyinfo   Why do you think NORAD is involved with Santa? This shit goes all the way to the top!

michaeljnelson  I can see that this lady is a tramp, but what about this gentleman who is currently eating his own boiled shoe?

owlpacino  Please don’t make charts about Kanye West. That’s exactly what he wants you to do.

manspeaker  We speak of our “founding fathers” as if they all had the same beliefs, the only thing they had in common was bad teeth.

slackmistress  The only person that I care about finding me sexy is the host at the taco joint who lets us skip the line on a Friday night.

josephesque  Spilled beer in my toddler’s dinner. Hope he likes it.

johnmoe  I know what Kim Jong-un is going through except my uncle was a Norwegian cheese maker and I liked him and he died of natural causes.

DrWrought   my boyfriend doesn’t carry a cell phone, so once in a while I write a note on a Post-it, stick it to my phone, and throw it at him

MommyMG  Found out the one major drawback to my neighbor letting me borrow all her smutty books: imagining my neighbor reading all these smutty books

TheMichaelRock  No thanks, button fly jeans. My life is complicated enough.

ashleycrem  I think the saddest thing about Fox News host Megyn Kelly arguing that Santa is white is that nobody bothered to tell her Santa isn’t real.

TheDoeOrTheDeer  The hole in the crotch of my leggings is sending mixed signals to the husband.

WhirledRecord  New criminal defense: Compare your crime to worse crime. “Yes, I killed 3 people, but it’s not like I’m Hitler.” Judge: “You’re free to go.”

RamseyEss  So, wait. Duck Dynasty is NOT a show about Chinese duck emperors. What is THAT show called, then?

trumpetcake  Name your cat “Wheat” so all your friends with cat allergies can say “I’m allergic to Wheat.” HAHAHA! My car is slowly filling with exhaust.

farwent  HOLIDAY CARDS TO CLIENTS MAILED. And it’s only Dec 19. Feel free to compare me to Nelson Mandela.

MrWordsWorth  Well, it took a few days, but Peter O’Toole finally drank God under the table.

shariv67  I bet I know one thing Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love. Pilates.

louisvirtel  Everyone who compares gay sex to bestiality is just bragging.

rikpayne  No virgin conception for Jesus’s brother Rusty… He was the result of some good old fashioned Reverse Camelgirl.

snazzmania  if I ever get a snapchat rest assured all my “dick pics” will just be gumshoe detectives peering at me around corners

thejenneral  Shout out to my upstairs neighbor. Best elephant breeder in town!

Caissie  That Duck Dynasty should stop thinking about men’s anuses for two seconds & start thinking about duck’s penises if he wants to be upset.

snazzmania  oh god what if that family from indian in the cupboard put actual food in there, they would’ve been attacked by pringles & ramen

robfee  Do you take my dip to be your lawfully wedded dip, vowing that when I dip, you dip, but more importantly, we dip.

dubouchet  I’ve told my cat “Good job!” at least a million times. Pertaining to very basic stuff. USA.

DreamersWake  I’m best described as “hmm” and “eww”.

TheTweetOfGod  I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.

birbigs  It doesn’t take much to be the cool Pope.

ElizaBayne  B the urrito you wish to see in the world

J_Goldstein  Sartre was all WHATEVER TO THE EXTREME.

redsesame  “You can never have enough fucks!”

ChrisThayerSays  What do you get for the girl who has everything? The death of a yellow dwarf star.

LisaMcIntire  Why do I have to exercise in order to have exercised?

stevelibrarian  Wow, amazing! One of the MegaMillions winners bought their ticket at a newsstand near me! Yeah, I KNOW! NEWSSTANDS STILL EXIST!!

slackmistress  Megyn Kelly can have a new career on QVC selling dinosaur figurines for nativity sets.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

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