FF Green Akers

Today’s post features photos from my friends Stefanie and Dave’s yard. Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

TheCatWhisprer  [at the pediatrician’s with my infant] is there some kind of exchange policy this one seems to be leaking

annetdonahue  A COUNTLESS number of magicians will be disappointed after seeing the new Magic Mike.

willgoldstein  Dumbo (1941): Juvenile elephant with unusually large ears trips on acid, tries to fly. Is surprisingly successful.

officialbuup  twitter made its first accurate targeted ad at me today, for potatoes. congratulations, twitter.

markleggett  Sometimes I don’t notice my tattoo, and other times I think “Holy fuck… That really is a massive chest piece of Jay Leno riding a Pikachu.”

jessokfine  If we are having a text-based conversation and you just stop responding, I visualize you being carried away by a large bird of prey.

kerihw  Popeye but instead of eating spinach he eats kale and instead of getting really strong he talks a lot about kale.

rstevens  so apparently doing a 10k doesn’t mean eating ten thousand calories a day and i have to give my medal back

SomeChrisTweets  I’m just pulling your leg! I’m only unscrewing your wrist! I’m ripping your arm off! Ha IT’S A JOKE! I’M NOT SCREAMING WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING

ghostwritingcow  What if you crossed a kitten with a puppy and then taped a baby hedgehog to it and then stapled a turtle to its head and glued a baby kangar

TheToddWilliams  My friends and I have a running joke about joggers.

findmydolls [Attenborough voice] As the rains fall, trouser worms from all walks of life creep up and up and up, into full view of unwitting civilians.

JordanAGage  Sorry ma’am, but if side-eye isn’t the appropriate response for “my daughter is 49 months old” I don’t know what is.

Jackclemens1  I’m sorry my service animal told me that I have to commandeer your sandwich.

robfee  It’s so hot the weatherman just said, “here’s your forecast” then showed a 7-minute Santana guitar solo.

ojedge  Sing us a song you’re the Piano Man! [plays piano] That’s not really singing is it? [plays piano more] What the hell man? [MASHES KEYS]

PopCulLibrn  “You be straight trippin’, cat,” I said, as I fell over the black feline.

BoobsRadley  Bear in mind that everything about unrequited love taking away your appetite was written in a time before sour cream

20BELINDA_Haley  I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for food anymore…i don’t even know where sandwiches live.

jerryRenek  Failing to explain to my dog why his novel should not be written in first-person plural.

sad_tree  Donald Trump running for president is like when I dream about managing a Dairy Queen so I can eat all the blizzards and all the tenders

bazlyons  Dammit, all this time I’ve been ‘exercising’ the demons.

TheToddWilliams  Maybe she’s boing with it. Maybe it’s trampoline.

ApocalypseHow  Pope Francis says global warming is man-made. I assume he means the pollution from centuries of scientist-burning?

BillCorbett  When you wear ill-fitting socks the world feels like a cauldron of despair

waitwait  To celebrate the fact that he’s the 1,000,000th person to run for the GOP nomination, Trump is entitled to free American Flag pins for life!

jimantle  I think I’ve heard Donald Trump’s speech before, but usually it is two or three barstools away from me.

rustymk2  My interview with Rachel Dolezal would go like this:

  • “Are you Black?”
  • “I identify as Black.”
  • “You’re not. Here’s Al with the forecast!”

BeTheBoy  Life is just a series of pizzas occasionally interrupted by the exchange of kind words and/or butt stuff.

InfiniteChicken  What’s a cool video game I can play while laying face down and motionless in the bathroom?

Caissie  If your Instagram is just screenshots of your tweets, I need you to get a puppy.

louisvirtel  “I’m a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl. Will you accept this rose?” -Bjork’s “The Bachelorette”

weinerdog4life  “Thanks for meeting me here” I say to the other businessmen in the ball pit

missokistic  Top GOP candidates:

  • -Jeb
  • -Ted
  • -Immortan Joe
  • -Gun emoji
  • -Golem crafted from newspaper comments sections
  • -Your deepest fear in corporeal form

bucketcullen  IDEAS FOR CHICKEN-BASED NEWS AND RUMOR SITE: 1) Bgawker END OF LIST

ProBirdRights  I been working on my summer bod: it the same as my regular body, but this time more popsackles in it.

TheCatWhisprer  The Republicans are just one more Presidential candidate away from an Arcade Fire cover band.

ApocalypseHow  KUDOS to whoever put “Detachable Penis” on the playlist at my gym this morning.

bobvulfov  [at a party] DUDE: wait have we met before ME: totally up to you. i have no idea

morninggloria  Wanna feel old? Jagged Little Pill came out 20 years ago, Val Kilmer is 55 and you’ve been dead for thousands of years.

NightValeRadio  Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. Don’t let the bed birds peck your eyes. Don’t let the bed worms get into your mouth.

Karate_Horse  I was once described as being a “generous lover” and having “two buttholes for some reason”

EvanJKessler  Idea: A broke street artist named “Bankrupsy.”

morninggloria  Warning: if you leave your dog unattended for too long in Williamsburg, when you return you may find it’s been converted into luxury condos.

annetdonahue  “You gonna eat this in bed again?” And just like that, the owner of my favourite sushi restaurant named my future memoir.

VaguelyFunnyDan  On ‘morrow I shall lay you in a thicket & dip my skin ladle into your flesh mason jar whilst Iron & Wine turns on my hand-cranked phonograph

T_Gibby  Controlled substance review: Ambien excels with South American and Mediterranean wines and Lunestra with Californian and European varieties.

WritePlay  *blows conch shell* *conch shell never calls back*

emilysteers  me, to journey’s “any way you want it”: “everything I want is / right here on my sofa! / everything I want / so now I don’t have to move.”

sarcasmically  Conspiracy theories are like a fine wine: 1.) better with age 2.) still just fermented fruits 3.) expensive and gross

EmVeeGreen  Husband & I make eye contact while 2 year old loudly sings Gangnam Style. Me: I can’t believe you think she doesn’t get enrichment at home

apelad  Without spoiling anything, all of the people and dinosaurs featured in Jurassic World will die eventually.

rstevens  He’s a serial killer. He’s also a baby. Foetal Attraction: In theaters now

norcross  appliance repair guy is replacing the motor on our dryer and now I know what robot sex sounds like.

PrimeTrim  Wife wakes up from a nap: how is the baby? Me: great. Slept the whole time *notices the baby is a ham in a diaper* Me: oh no oh no oh no

ferretthimself  “How did all these dinosaurs escape? We put all these high walls close together!” – Jurassic Parkour

BlindChow  In space, no one can hear you laugh. The clowns have boarded; my crew has been slaughtered. I stand alone. In the darkness, a nose honks.

Cryptoterra  it says here you got fired from Olive Garden because you kept saying “pasta la vista, baby” to people. why would you put that on a resume

Abusitron  *Cowboy stares at the horizon* “A storm’s comin” [In the distance, Darude ‘Sandstorm’ can be heard faintly] *Cowboy cracks a glowstick*

Abusitron  *runs in out of breath* Friend: what’s going on? Me: [heavy breathing] bear with me Friend: Ok *waits* *bear runs in, also out of breath*

bea_ker  [pulled over by cops] “OK, spread ’em” I slowly sink into full splits, maintaining eye contact the entire time

vineyille  “Oh my god, slide 37.” I grab a businessman’s hand during the powerpoint presentation. “I love this part.”

rstevens  you’re never too old for the fetal position

 

biorhythmist  A spider just landed on my shoulder while I was sitting on the toilet, so, good thing I was already sitting on the toilet is what I’m saying

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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