Little Big

Follow Friday – Isobel Loves Reading

Carrie Anne — Fri, 18 May 2012 09:39:37 +0000

I caught Isobel reading to herself in the library the other day. It warmed my librarian heart. Thank goodness for decent phone cameras.

Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

RobinMcCauley The scale adds ten pounds.

Bagyants Pay to look at powerpoints – school. Get paid to look at powerpoints – work.

robdelaney I have a new fun thing where if I ride in the backseat of a car I vomit & get a headache for 3 hours!

mypetshadow Tom Selleck is part owner of a bakery called Magnum Pie. #MadeUpFacts

HipsterMario I travel by pipe because it’s so underground.

Nathan_Pensky I like that book where the couple falls in love, and then they die, and some old guy says “Aw, too bad,” and then falls over or something.

MassageByTed People behind me talking about soccer positively and now there’s blood and hair everywhere and it got very loud and bright

UncleDynamite Vampire crab fishermen vs. werewolf crab fishermen. You’re welcome, Hollywood.

marlespo What I think that pigeon is saying #BadHashtagGameIdeas

wilnervision Dear god, Sony already has a place on its schedule for a third “Smurfs” movie. Wouldn’t you be happier if you didn’t know that?

RideOrDiePudge Time to go return my Mother’s Day gift. Hopefully Rite-Aid can give me full price on this Kenny G “Holiday Miracles” CD.

taralibrara It’s Rock Day at work and I’m having issues with my blue wig. These are good problems to have, right?

Wordshore This ALA resolution, asking POTUS to legalise librarian-on-cat marriages, has a whiff of self interest. Also, Mr R Santorum will be enraged.

dubouchet Sometimes, based on the commercials that run during Sportscenter at this hour, I think to myself: “I am the most successful man on Earth.”

senderblock23 Too legit to quit having panic attacks.

ClaireicalError Stop trying to make “Bleachable Moment” happen, Clorox.

mrpilkington I can’t come up with a funny tweet about jelly because they all sound plausible.

TheBeardedIris Nothing like a day with family to remind you why you spend so much time on the Internetz.

thatsnotkosher GODDAMN IT PARKER I WANT RETWEETS OF SPIDERMAN. RETWEETS. GET THESE FAVS OUT OF MY OFFICE.

asterios If you stay until the end of this tweet you’ll get a secret bonus tweet CATS ARE ADORABLE

thatgreendude Sinderrella #SoftCoreDisney

theleanover The Emperor’s Nude Groove #SoftCoreDisney

theleanover Sleeping Booty #SoftCoreDisney

thatgreendude The Loin King #SoftCoreDisney

InfiniteChicken Lady and the Tramp Stamp #SoftCoreDisney

theleanover The Depraved Little Toaster #SoftCoreDisney

timeblimp Analstasia #SoftCoreDisney

InfiniteChicken That Darn Cat Costume #SoftCoreDisney

rstevens wine is drinkable flowers. beer is drinkable flours. #happymothersday

talkwordy Holy shit the grass I planted is growing. I AM LIKE WHATEVER GOD MAKES GRASS GROW. Grassthor or something.

joekeatinge I got 99 problems, but Doctor Doom stealing the Power Cosmic from The Silver Surfer ain’t one.

jenunexpected Tonight I got felt up by SpongeBob Squarepants in Times Square. I think that pretty much sums up NYC right there

slackmistress @ruthakers My body was already ruined thru puberty. Now I’m realizing I should’ve had kids to have something to blame it on.

theneener I accidentally clicked on “Ping” in iTunes and LOL

MightyQuinn72 “Setting Dog The Bounty Hunter’s Hair On Fire” is the only thing on my Bucket list.

SpaghettiJesus I think your instagram is lying to all of us. Those things aren’t those colors.

love_shunt After I polish off this bottle of wine, I’m planning to drink some of it. IT’S SO DUSTY!

maggiesox I just sang Jesse McCartney’s ‘Beautiful Soul’ into a spoon. Alone. In my basement. Look, this week has sucked, okay?

Lilacmess The three yr old genius is on the Today Show live right now screaming at her mom “I HAVE TO POOP” as they quiz her about planets #priceless

shinyinfo I think we’re at a point now where nobody has any reason to ask “All one word?” when getting info about an email address. #dreamz

sphericalfruit Not sure when I became my own foley artist, but have made the following sounds today: surprised telephone & exasperated kettle #soundeffects

TurboGrandma It’s like, jeez Mom. Maybe I’m Jamie Lee Curtis-ing here, but I want my family’s b-holes to be well-oiled machines. Sue me for caring, okay?

trumpetcake Just rolled a dope ass blunt*!!! (*called my aunt to ask about her cataracts)

FarrenSquare That latte? It’s from cow boobs.

shinyinfo OH: “We don’t kowtow to royal titles in this country & I’m glad.” RIGHT! We just kowtow to people with lots of money! Way more dignified.

pwgavin Starting to actually think that Firefox’s last name is “not responding”

desi_DaVinci To tweet or not to tweet, that has never been the question.

markleggett I could fill a PT Cruiser with the things I’ve found inside my nose over my lifetime, and I fully intend to.

granulac *sleeve-wipes multiple layers salami grease off face* anyway lets date

adrienneMTK If you have ever loved something so much that it makes you question your own ethnicity, you can understand my relationship with hot sauce.

MayorGia I would like to propose that we abolish Thursdays, and create “Saturday-and-a-half.” Think about it.

RideOrDiePudge Time to ask my hubby why “Mama’s Family BDSM Cosplay” keeps popping up in his Search History.

thisjason I can’t just leave my attitude at the door, I really need it to get through the day.

schmutzie Ladies, if you need something like Vagisil wash to keep vaginal odour at bay, you need a doctor, NOT a symptom suppressant.

mrlasertron Does making twitter jokes qualify me as a member of the press? I say yes.

meganamram Crazy how you eat Chinese food and then an hour later you’re still racist.

LaurenGreenberg Vidal Sassoon to be buried with extra body.

CroweJam Looking forward to the day when gay Republicans can secretly marry in airport toilet stalls.

meganamram Only the true Son of God would have the time to be a carpenter AND a co-pilot.

palinode Porn would be a really unfortunate surname.

TheOnlyZack Pope Nope #ImprobablePopeNames

jotro Popestagram #ImprobablePopeNames

henrikpp Pope Margaret. #ImprobablePopeNames

TheOnlyZack Pope Popey McPopington #ImprobablePopeNames

johnmoe iPope #ImprobablePopeNames

johnmoe Pope TURBO #ImprobablePopeNames

B0niferd My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you’re good.

James_Jokes I might start wearing an eyepatch so I can always be half asleep.

rstevens The only thing you need to add to coffee is me.

sarcasmically I’ve resorted to watching midnight FedEx tracking updates for fun. SO THERE, TEENAGE SELF.

Smethanie Scientists reveal the secret to looking AT LEAST 10 years younger!! Start sucking your thumb in public!

Fake_Rockstar Why is Sean Hannity?

sgnp My wife just told me I was Lawful Neutral.

LMFAO_JK You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That’s God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action.

donni Just escaped two would-be assassins. They were babies in a stroller, but I saw the look of murder in their eyes.

JRehling I don’t appreciate people’s snide remarks about Nickelback. They remind me of Nickelback.

oliveiranth “let’s try writing w a glass of wine” turned into “laying in the dark full of regrets listening to nina simone” so let’s not do this again.

theleanover Started writing erotica. Actually, it’s 7 pages of the protagonist ordering pizza, but he’s not wearing pants the entire time.

biorhythmist I named my kidney stone Dwayne Johnson.

eareeve Somebody just jumped a curb to get to the library! Hopefully we have copies of the DMV driver’s manual!

KaseyAnderson Okay well then next time tell me specifically not to feed your baby deodorant I’m not a goddamn mindreader.

EveryTweet_Ever Thanks to everyone who mentioned me on #FollowFriday, and passive-aggressive shame on everyone else!

wordsinmymouth So love camping. The smell, the feel, the way food tastes better. The vodka

MmeSurly Chick Fil-A is a great place for me to be discussing evolution with my kids right now.

ApocalypseHow The Buddhist bagel shop near me makes the most amazing Nothing Bagels.

KarstenKnight iPhone autocorrect just tried to change “shenanigans” to “ahem iguana.” This might be my favorite thing that’s happened so far in 2012.

ninjapoodles There are over 300 million people in this country. I need about 1/5 of you to each send me a nickel. Pass it on.

Lisabug74 To break the quiet tension between toilet stalls, I rap on our adjoining wall, “Shave and a Haircut” and wait for her response of “2 Bits.”

morninggloria Sent myself an email and Gmail deemed it “not important.” I feel a Rodney Dangerfield joke coming on.

shinyinfo WAS HITLER AN ALIEN?? The History Channel just ate its own tail. #AncientAliens

Thrift Store Score: Golden Candleholders

Carrie Anne — Thu, 17 May 2012 10:38:52 +0000

This Thrift Store Score isn’t actually new at all. I found these at an estate sale when Isobel was an infant and I’ve kept them tucked away in my stash, saving them for Isobel’s future big girl room, only to not use them when the time came. While I’m no minimalist by a long shot, I do prefer a simple, uncluttered look, so I didn’t use these. No matter, I thought. I’ll just save them in my stash for her room’s next incarnation, or maybe I’ll sell them.

I love how ridiculously ornate these plastic golden candle holders are. My mom thought I was absolutely ridiculous for buying them, and they are kind of ridiculous, but at the time I had my filter on for just the sort of fancy, overly-wrought stuff I would have loved as a child. I would have loved this completely and unironically as it fit my notion of fairytale decor. Pair this with the mirror I hung in Isobel’s room and I would have been in little girl heaven.

Maybe I am still that little girl because while I was rifling through my stash looking for an item to send off I came across them and wondered how they’d look in our bedroom.

I love them. I don’t even think they need candles. In fact, I think they are probably better without candles.

Isobel, noticing I was taking photos of my bed, decided I should take photos of her in her bed, snuggling Funshine and clearly sleeping. Clearly.

FURTHER READING:

Snapshot 05.16.12

Carrie Anne — Wed, 16 May 2012 10:05:43 +0000

What I’m up to:

- After receiving encouragement from Lara I submitted the story of Squirrelly to Love Meow and they ran a feature on him.Thinking about all that’s happened in the three short weeks of Squirrelly’s life (happy birthday, Squirrelly, by the way!) has made me realize that he is really an extraordinarily lucky cat. First of all, he was abandoned in a tow yard at the right place and at the exact right time to be found. Secondly, it was my husband, a kind and goodhearted man, who found him. Perhaps the luckiest thing of all was that this tow yard was located in town in which we live. For work Anthony drives all over the area, and it is not uncommon for him to be over an hour away. This particular day he was not only in town but had enough extra time built into his schedule to drop him off right away so I could take care of him. Lastly, it was Squirrelly’s great fortune for him to wind up with a caretaker who was trained by the best, my Cat Whispering mother.

- Six years ago Anthony’s shoulder was violently ripped from its socket in what would become the first in a long line of shoulder injuries. It’s been pulled out of joint so many times I can’t even count the number of friends who have had to help him pop it back into place. I’ve even had to do it myself once when it popped out after Anthony rolled over in bed late at night. My husband is active and loves to sword fight and has been studying martial arts since before I knew him. Not having a fully functional shoulder was killing him, and we never knew when the next injury would occur. Each time his shoulder would pop out of joint it would take him weeks to recover. After several ineffective rounds of physical therapy and multiple doctors later he finally was able to get in to see a shoulder specialist who recommended surgery to hopefully fix the problem. He goes in next week and while I’m relieved we can attempt to fix things for him so he can have a normal life again, I have to admit I’m nervous. He’s going to be off work for at least a month and a half.

- Our wedding anniversary (the one we keep forgetting) is just a few days after his surgery, and this will be the first time in eight years I will not be in the midst of hell week–library and textbook collection–at the library. In fact this year we are guaranteed to have the time off together since he will be at home recovering from surgery. I hope nine years is the narcotics anniversary because he could totally share some Vicodin with me as a present. I kid! I prefer morphine.

- I have been feeling kind of overwhelmed lately, a sentiment I’m sure most parents have experienced from time to time. Since I’m home I expect too much of myself sometimes. Just because I’m at home does not mean I can do it all. I’m reworking my daily and weekly schedules in an attempt to get a better handle on things. What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? And don’t say “freak out” because I totally already have that covered.

- Jupey is doing that thing again.

Little Big Links:

Axe Body Spray sets off fire alarm at Middletown High School. When I worked at the library, Axe was the bane of my life. The teenage boys would wear enough to burn my nostrils and fill the stacks with their stench even after they left the library. It got so bad I began to prefer the smell of body odor. I’m now surprised fire alarms aren’t going off constantly.

Free Star Trek Potholder Pattern. Yet another reason I should learn to knit: Federation-approved pot holders. Or as Isobel calls them, hot-holders. Via ispinyarn.

For a richer, fuller life, READ. “Lovely vintage PSA for National Library Week circa 1961, a fine complement to these vintage literacy posters from the WPA.” I bought a vintage literacy photo for my living room, and years later I still love it. Via brainpicker.

Mosquitoes don’t even need to bite us, study shows. Those bastards! Also, this reminds me to dump out that festering bucket of rainwater in the backyard. Excuse me. Via The Onion.

Speaking of Lara, look at this fantastic locker makeover. All I can say is WOW. Talk about a brilliant reuse of an item.

Weekly Photos:

Reader Question:

Who was the last person you hugged?

My Aunt Debbie, who was in town for a few days visiting my Grandma for Mother’s Day. She came by to visit and play with Isobel and Squirrelly and brought by some needlepoint pictures she made for my mother years and years ago. They were going to donate them, if you can believe that! My aunt was a home ec major and has made us all sorts of amazing presents over the years, including this amazing Quiet Book. My aunt still has the pattern (she made it for me in the 70s) and I’m going to eventually write a post about it. This time she brought several of her old magazines and macrame pattern books, but the best thing of all was the old text book she brought along called “Clothing for Moderns.” In addition to being really crafty she’s also really fun and organized and positive. It’s always a fun time when my mom and aunt get together.

Do you have a question for me? I’d love to answer it! You can leave your question in the comments, @-reply me on twitter, email it to me at alittlebigblog@gmail.com or send me a messenger pigeon. Don’t actually do the last one, though. My cat will eat it.

Recipe: Mixtas, a Guatemalan Hotdog

Carrie Anne — Tue, 15 May 2012 09:38:53 +0000

When it came time to plan the menu for Isobel’s third birthday party, we wanted to go with something simple to prepare that was still a crowd-pleaser.When Anthony suggested hot dogs, I knew we had to make mixtas to go along side. Mixtas, pronounced meeks-ta, are the Guatemalan version of a hot dog. Sold at food trucks and carts all over Guatemala city, they are sold alongside ice cold beer or soda. I’ve never been to Guatemala, but I’ve been enjoying them at Grandma Juani’s house and have become inspired to make my own. If you can grill a hot dog you can make a mixta. They are perfect for summer and slightly healthier than the American version in that they have fewer carbs and boast cabbage, onions, and avocado instead of ketchup and relish. Mixtas are topped with a guacamole and a cabbage-onion mixture that is very slightly pickled.

I wish I had more precise measurements to offer you for this recipe, but according to every Guatemalan woman I’ve ever talked to, they just don’t use recipes over there. Everything is done by eye, taste, and memory, and woe to the gringa-American who has married into the family and wants to cook their delicious food. Grandma assured me it is very easy to make this mixture even without exact measurements. And it’s always my policy to trust an 80 year old woman who still travels the world and builds homes by hand for children in developing countries.

Ingredients:

corn tortillas
all-beef hotdogs
mashed, perfectly ripe avocados
diced tomato
lime juice
white onions
white cabbage
olive oil
white vinegar
salt & pepper

Optional:

Hot sauce, such as Tapatio
Sliced fresh or jarred jalapenos

Method:

Blanched Cabbage Onion Slaw

- Mixtas do involve a bit of prep work but it’s nothing too strenuous. First, fill a large pot with water and bring it to a vigorous boil. You just want to blanch the cabbage quickly, so as soon as the water comes to a boil, add your cabbage, count to five, and strain.

- Add sliced onions to the cabbage and douse with olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. This mixture can be served cold or at room temperature.

Mixta Guacamole

- Peel and mash avocados and fold in finely diced chunks of tomatoes. Add lime juice to taste. The acid from the juice not only tastes good but helps preserve the green color of the guacamole.

Tortillas

- Use corn tortillas for this, please, and heat through by either adding them to the grill after you cook the hotdogs or wrap in a tea towel and heat a small stack in the microwave for thirty seconds.

Hotdogs

- Grandma always makes this with all-beef hotdogs and I forgot to ask if this was just her preference or if that’s how they do it in Guatemala. Perhaps it’s both. If you’re lucky enough to have a grill going, cook them until they are plump and tiger-striped. We usually don’t have a grill at the ready, but years ago I splurged on this baby and it has been completely worth it. Grilled cheese, panini, quesadillas, hamburgers, sausages and hotdogs are now regularly served up on my counter. If you boil or microwave your dogs, however, I will not judge.

Mixtas

- Take your warmed tortilla and spread a layer of guacamole on it. You will be tempted to really pile it on, because it tastes like joyous happiness, but if you add too much it will squirt out the other end and cover your arm with deliciousness.

- Add your cooked hotdog.

- Pile on the slaw and add sliced jalapenos or hot sauce if that’s your preference. Dig in and go back for seconds and possibly thirds.

FURTHER READING:

Reuse Round Up – Art Supply Storage

Carrie Anne — Mon, 14 May 2012 09:48:40 +0000

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day. If you are one of the lucky ones who endured labor, then I hope your day was filled with milk and honey and massages and ice cream. If you didn’t endure labor, then I hope your arms aren’t too sore from all the back rubs. Squirrelly didn’t get me a card this year, but he didn’t pee all over me either and besides, he’s not even three weeks old so he gets a pass.

Today’s Reuse Roundup is all about the storage I’m using for Isobel’s art supplies. I have been dreaming of the day when I could paint and do crafts with my kid even since before she was born, and now I’m blessed with the problem of figuring out how to store all of her paints, crayons, stickers, coloring books and other supplies in a way that keeps them organized, is inexpensive, looks good, and is completely child-friendly. A lot to ask? Yes. But if you keep your eyes open while thrifting, you can find the perfect thing.

Since we do some kind of art project every day, I keep Isobel’s supplies within easy reach of our dining room table. It’s nice that she can grab her materials herself while I cover the table with one of my thrifted plastic table cloths to protect our furniture from the inevitable mess that follows.

Of all of these thrifted storage solutions, I think I’m most proud of this wooden serving dish from the nineteen sixties. Monkeypod and other tropical woods are so pretty, and this snack tray gets new life storing Isobel’s markers, crayons, and colored pencils.

She has quite a watercolor collection going on, and all of them are stored in this green California pottery bulb planter.

I chose a glass that was thick and heavy enough to withstand the careless treatment of a toddler to store her brushes, and it has never once tipped over. Equally important, the green mug I use for her water has only been tipped over once, and that was after considerable effort. On average I’m cleaning up two glasses of split water a day, so that’s pretty good for a mug filled with paint water.

I keep all of her stickers tucked away in this miniature suitcase.

The suitcase, her papers and coloring books, along with a tin full of extra crayons, are all stacked inside this eggshell blue thrifted picnic basket.

Isobel is a very prolific artist, and when she’s not covering her papers with a slimy layer of blue paint she’s hanging them on the fridge with pride with as many sheets to one magnet as possible.

What is the Reuse Roundup? I’m inviting everyone to show off their amazing vintage finds and the creative ways they are incorporated into your homes. Let’s focus on how we can find new uses for secondhand items and make the case for looking to secondhand and vintage before purchasing something new. I’d love to see the secondhand items you are finding ways to use and gain inspiration and ideas as well as promote the secondhand way of life.

If you would like to participate in Reuse Roundup on your blog, please use this button and link back to this or any other Reuse Roundup post. I’ve posted the code to use on my blog’s sidebar if you’re into that sort of thing. You can post whenever you like, not just on the days that I do.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom

Carrie Anne — Sun, 13 May 2012 10:10:42 +0000

Sponsor Spotlight – May

Carrie Anne — Sat, 12 May 2012 09:25:11 +0000

My friend Amber is a writer and a new mom to two girls who writes about her backwards life on her blog and as a columnist on Ask Miss A. She is funny, creative, and has heart-meltingly adorable kids. Read about her adventures on Backwards Life, and find out why her life is chaotically, sweetly, and wonderfully out of order.

Anne and Susan are two crafty nerds knighting and creating their way through life. Part of the illustrious Team Librarian, only good can come from a shop that offers DIY gnome kits.

Sparkle Collar: I think your dog is faaaabulouuuuus!
Cunning Hat: what newborn doesn’t need a hat like this?
Handmade Finger Puppets: Perfect for even small babies.
DIY Lawn Gnomes: An idea whose time has come!

When Nadia’s not chasing after her two sweet little girls or studying to be a pharmacy technician, she’s running an Avon business and multitasking like a BOSS.

Bumble Bee Towel: Adorable. I have a soft spot for bees.
Glam Cocktail Ring: I just need a cocktail party invite…
Star Rain Boots: Orange and turquoise. Fabulous.
Anew Age Repair Cream: Mama’s not as young as she used to be.

One of my best friends in the whole world, Angela is the creator of The Red Star Designs on Etsy. She has taken her passion for messing around on Photoshop and turned it into a booming business.

Merci Thank You Notes: an ornate crown gives this card a vintage feel.
Eat Me Gift Tags: Dress up that bag of treats.
Carnival-Inspired Thank You: Not your grandmother’s thank you notes.
Alice in Wonderland Invitations: For a very important date.

Carolyn of Paper Squared is the genius behind this all-natural shop. She is infamous for keeping scores of librarians sweet-smelling, moisturized, and naturally exfoliated. Her brews and potions make her a modern-day Nanny Ogg, except with better oral hygiene.

Sink Sugar Scrub: Your elbows will thank you.
Bath Sugar Scrub: A posh, all-natural luxury.
Deodorant: Librarian tested. Librarian approved.
Lip Balm: Soothing, natural, and made to order.

My friend Sunday is a guest artist for Monster By Mail. Get your own custom work of art here.

Follow Friday – Mother, Daughter

Carrie Anne — Fri, 11 May 2012 13:07:42 +0000

When I first became a mother I suddenly realized that this holiday that I had looked forward to for so long was something I had to share. With my relatives. That’s the thing about Mother’s Day, isn’t it? It can never be just about you because we all have mothers and grandmothers and aunts and other special people in our lives that deserve a day of celebration. But let me just be selfish for a minute. Since Mother’s Day is this weekend I’m hijacking Follow Friday and turning into my day. Me me me me mine. Okay, mine and Isobel’s. Okay, mine, Isobel’s, and a box of donuts. Yeah.

TheBosha Every time I try to make a somber, self-actualizing list of life regrets I end up giggling uncontrollably and high fiving strangers.

Andrew Scott ? Yo thesis is so empty, you got it peer-reviewed by the Real Housewives. #YoThesisJokes

Andrew Scott ? Yo thesis is so light, it’s only a thisis. #YoThesisJokes

Sean O’C I ordered a reprint of yo thesis, and 3 days later a hobo crapped on my lawn! And warned me about copyrights! #YoThesisJokes

Quadrupus Yo premise so deeply flawed, it’s quoted on Sarah Palin’s hand. #YoThesisJokes

ZakKlaas “Yo thesis is so derivative,” said my thesis, which you quoted in your thesis. #YoThesisJokes

Quadrupus Yo thesis so boring, your mom is actually trying to figure out what you do so she can put a stop to it #YoThesisJokes

Quadrupus Yo thesis so boring, I now welcome my own unavoidable decay #YoThesisJokes

SpaghettiJesus Considering beards, what the hell took them so long to invent Velcro?

BridgetCallahan Cracker is like the ultimate white privilege band. It screams “This is what you get for letting the 90s happen.”

cloudcm I guess some people are just not born to heat up a corn tortilla.

mrpilkington I’d like a refrigerator that also helps me put on my pants. Make it happen Scientists!

ImLeslieChow That awkward moment when your toys make 3 movies behind your back.

DearStabby If I use the abbreviation “org” it’s short for orgy.

babybabylemon I might have missed my optimum target window by not getting out of the house before the fresh beat band started.

johnmoe Unable to grasp the idea of pretend, the horse in War Horse probably thinks he’s had a horrific life that included cameras for some reason.

johnmoe Sometimes I call Eddie Vedder “Daughter”. He gets SO MAD!

TristinaWright Just caught a Powerberry with my cleavage. You know you want me now.

danforthfrance You know when white dudes grouse about there being no special holiday for them? Well, here you go. #MayTheFourth

introvertedwife They should use co-op games as a pre-marriage test. Can you get through level 5 together without throwing a controller through the TV?

kirstensaysss Some people really need Jesus. Or Midol & a Snickers Bar. Whichever.

yoyology My Hammerhead is still mint in box. #MayThe4thPickupLines

yoyology Hey, I may be arrogant, but I’ve never kissed my sister. #MayThe4thPickupLines

yoyology Well, I wouldn’t call it a LIGHT saber. If ya know what I mean. #MayThe4thPickupLines

MyVogonPoetry You are way sexier than a Womp Rat and harder to catch I bet. #MayThe4thPickupLines

ZakKlaas Those are not the dudes you’re looking for. #MayThe4thPickupLines

HollywoodCrab Someone is writing horrible things about me? Yes, I know. It’s me.

That_Biz Eating ice cream with a fork. And yet, I haven’t given up on life.

ecareyo I’ve learned that you can’t put too much faith in a person, but driving by their house and screaming “I believe in you” is totally fine.

mikeleffingwell Firstborn children are usually the guinea pigs. This is doubly true if the parents are guinea pigs.

matthewbaldwin If we’re including “I’m fine” then yes, I am a compulsive liar.

MrWordsWorth I remember the days when all you had to do was put Bugles on your fingers and no one would mess with you.

UncleDynamite Stop pussyfooting about RTs. “RTs don’t equal endorsement.” Huh? When you RT me you fully endorse my eugenics plan for all of New Zealand.

mrgan Talking to babies feels a lot like SEO. “Yes, that’s a dog. A doggie. A puppy. Pup. Puppies. Dogs, dogfood, dog food, Cialis, Bieber.”

allisonthemeep A poem: On Amendment One, it’s important to vote. But please make it a NO, or else you’re a scrote.

TheMamamash Autocorrect keeps trying to change “hork” to “Joel.” Sorry, dudes named Joel.

teammandy Harper: “mommy, I’m sorry to tell you this. Those bananas we bought are for monkeys”. Coffee exited my nose. It burns.

morninggloria Soon the only way to legally emigrate to Arizona will be via the uterus of a woman who doesn’t want you.

joshjs Dear world, after a month-long bender, I’m giving up caffeine again. Apologies in advance for hating you all for the next 72 hours.

matthewbaldwin God gave us two ears and one mouth so we would listen more than talk. But then He gave us Twitter. So, mixed messages.

luckyshirt I’m sorry to announce that after careful consideration, I am leaving the metal electronica band I never started, Demilitarized Muffin Top.

owlparliament Some days I wish I had enough fingers to get EAT ALL THE DICKS tattooed across my knuckles.

pourmecoffee It’s Freud’s birthday. Call your mother.

MagpieLibrarian Had a dream that I was in a Hunger Games style competition where you dove into a pool and weeded a library collection as you were swimming.

Bibliosoph I’m pretty sure the only reason our cats run down to the basement is so they can get rides back up in the laundry basket.

lauracope HEY LOOK I FOUND A LAMER FRIDAY NIGHT RT @exlibris Oh nothing. Just sitting in a drive though line, bottle feeding a kitten.

usedwigs In 2000 my wife mistakenly said “Erin Broccolivitch” instead of “Erin Brockovich.” I like to mention this to her at least once a year.

mitdasein I like to get crunk, but not *too* crunk. That’s why I stick with CrunkLite: The Responsible Choice.

anneheathen I first listened to the Beasties at church when a Sunday School teacher failed to show up. We fought for our right to party.

slapclap Hey everybody be sure to sit tight for a couple of hours after the Avengers credits. They play the exact same movie for free!

HotComesToDie I clogged up my garbage disposal with sauerkraut. I don’t know which part of that sentence is the most depressing.

markleggett Zooey Deschanel just lost another baby tooth!

slackmistress Sometimes people surprise you. Which is why I always carry a set of brass knuckles.

Jedimasterbator I like to follow A-list celebrities; when they follow me back, I block them.

pattonoswalt “I got my hands in a lot of toilets these days.” — ambitious plumber

mrpilkington I’m really starting to think it wasn’t quite the best of times.

fleshcake Some dinosaur ghosts are fucking outside my window. Or there’s a storm… no one knows for sure.

theRratedBull Cow tipping isn’t as popular in Kansas as in Texas. But couch tipping to find your mobile phone is gaining popularity around these parts.

danforthfrance This time in my life will be in the section of my memoir titled: “Whoops.”

ApocalypseHow I just ate some Guiltless Gourmet chips, then mugged a nun for money to buy meth and veal.

hotdogsladies I can never quite tell, but, I suspect my vocal range falls somewhere between a tenor and someone who really shouldn’t be singing publicly.

sgnp Behind every great man is a great woman. Put a second great woman in front of him and he’ll spin uncontrollably, glow purple, and ascend.

january_samurai Picking flowers with Isobel at the park when she blew her nose on my shirt.

Angel__Bee I just handed my 2 year old a wad of play doh and watched her walk away. Read about it in next month’s edition of Dumb Parenting Weekly

hipstermermaid Keep calm and stop making different versions of that “keep calm” poster.

Angel__Bee I can’t wait to write in the baby book how one of Allie’s first four word phrases was “NO! GO AWAY DOGGIE”

mamabub Based on her love of the jumping jack, it’s obvious that Jillian Michaels has never birthed a nine pound baby.

owlparliament The tights that I’m wearing today have lasted seven years. I feel like they should be in a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not museum.

J__Swift Who wants to push me on the mood swings.

markleggett If you think homosexuality is unnatural, then I think that you having your whole head lodged deep within your own asshole is unnatural.

MassageByTed the fact that I still haven’t won a free iPad only increases my determination.

johnmoe If you read one of those “Where Are They Now” features late at night the answer is usually “in bed, asleep.”

KeepinItSnazzy Parrots; nature’s search history bar

davepell Time flies. Unless you’re an oppressed group waiting for society to deliver justice.

theleanover Ghosts are caused by people who die knowing they had unused Baskin Robbins coupons in their wallet at the time of their death.

guiltysquid So does this mean Westboro is going to relocate to NC? Just trying to find the upside here, people.

iboudreau If Gordon Ramsay is giving you marriage counseling, you should probably just have a duel.

Coastiefish Ugh, I’m exhausted, irritable, and dizzy. According to WebMD, I have “kids.”

shinyinfo Why are all the workers at Trader Joes so happy every time I’m in there? Are they paid in weed?

TheRedQueen I was going to tweet something filthy. Then I thought of the children.

dresdencodak Like all the best “children’s authors,” Maurice Sendak knew that kids are actually deranged sociopaths. He’ll be missed.

trumpetcake I swam with the dolphins yesterday. Now my above ground pool is ruined.

Fake_Rockstar I feel like I was hit by a train wrapped in the Space Shuttle piloted by Tango and Cash.

matthewbaldwin Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, a lady.

shariv67 $100 idea: Little skirts to put on cats’ tails to serve as a fashion accessory/butthole shield.

vanderbrarian Oh boy. One of the neighbor’s chickens somehow managed to get onto their trampoline.

Home Movies: The Squirrelly Show

Carrie Anne — Thu, 10 May 2012 10:09:33 +0000

Snapshot 05.09.12

Carrie Anne — Wed, 09 May 2012 09:43:03 +0000

What I’m up to:

- Last weekend we drove to San Jose for a night of celebrating our friend Lupe’s birthday. It also happened to be Cinco de Mayo, so the people watching that night was excellent. The first restaurant we stopped at was a combination restaurant/bar, and occasionally amusing drunk people would dance too far over from the bar side and look up only to find themselves surrounded by tables and people eating. At one point I saw a very inebriated woman dance near our table. She was rubbing herself and gyrating and wearing her sexy dance face. Closer and closer she danced, closing the dance between herself and our table by just a few air-humps, when suddenly she opened her eyes and saw Isobel, standing right next to Anthony. Immediately this woman’s face went from one of total drunken debauchery to one of pure, unadulterated horror, as if to say A human child! How disgusting! If only it weren’t so loud in the restaurant she could have heard me say, “Keep it up and soon you will have a disgusting human child of your own!”

- I ate a cricket! It was that kind of party.

- Squirrelly’s eyes are open! He is adorable. And speaking of, we are reasonably certain he is a, well, “he.” Twice now he’s treated me to a Golden Shower while I’ve taken him to the bathroom. I’m thinking of eventually writing a post about how to take care of a newborn kitten should any of you ever find yourself in the situation of needing to save a life. Also appropriate for hedgehogs, raccoons, and chipmunks!

-I have so many sponsors this month that I’m breaking up my weekend Sponsor Spotlight into two posts so you can avoid Awesome Fatigue. Best problem ever!

- Mother’s Day is this weekend and I’ve already given myself second-degree burns while making my mom a present. Best daughter ever!

- This weekend is my dear friend Melynda’s murder mystery birthday dinner. It’s my first one and I’m going all out in the dress-up department.

Little Big Links:

Ten Great Crafty Vintage Sheet Ideas. My laundry room houses a giant plastic tote full of sheets, pillowcases, shirts, even vintage muumuus that I couldn’t pass up. Now I feel smart and totally justified. Take that, husband! Via ModernKiddo

“What would happen if you put your hand in front of the Large Hadron Collider beam?” This video finally provides the answer to one of life’s most pertinent questions. Via pourmecoffee

Six Reasons You Should Consider Being a Cat. “Toes looks like beans.” A-freaking-dorable. Via molliekatie

Cat with a banjo. I NEED this shirt in my LIFE. Via Athenabee

Weekly Photos:

Reader Question:

I want to hear your weird cat vagina story.

Of course you do!

We’re friends with a couple named the Waltons. They are obviously integral to this blog because more than one person has found their way here by searching for the Walton’s Way of Life. Both Angela and Justin are suckers for cats and when Angela saw two Siamese kittens in the window of a pet store, she couldn’t say no. This allowed Angela to wrest the title of Crazy Cat Lady away from me by two measly cats, if you can believe that. Now that Squirrelly is here I can successfully regained that title. Anyway, at this point Angela had out-catted me, but I was still our group’s reigning Cat Expert, so it was up to me to reveal their cats’ genders.

When it came to the larger, fluffier one, there was no question. He was all male. But the second one. Well, he wasn’t a boy, that much was clear, but under his tale was what can only be described as the weirdest cat vagina I have ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of weird cat vaginas.

The cats were promptly named Boris and Natasha and I did not shut up about that cat’s weird vagina. Tasha was taken to two separate vets for various reasons, and each confirmed he was a she. It wasn’t until he was taken to get spayed that it turns out that Tasha was in fact a boy kitten with completely undescended testicles. Tasha remains, to this day, kind of an odd duck, and I remain, to this day, convinced of his weird vagina.