Today’s post features that time that Stefanie and I went to a birthday party accidentally wearing similar outfits. It’s happened several times but never as perfectly as it did when we went to a wedding and discovered we had both worn yellow dresses, brought similar vintage gold purses, and incredibly, had packed nearly identical zippered fabric pouches for our medicine. Have a great weekend!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
johnmoe To me, she’s THE dele.
elsaPelsjas It’s like popcorn doesn’t even know I have manners.
haleshannon My 5yo suddenly sad, starts sniffling. “Remember when we were little and we were cute and nice? Now we’re weirder and meaner.”
louisvirtel Thanksgiving is a contest among aunts to see who can yell “blessed” the loudest.
pontiuslabar “Well, it appears our time is up.” /”Thanks, doc, I guess–” /”Oh, just one more thing…” Falk therapy is killing me.
usedwigs Posting the same braggy good news on all your social media accounts can be annoying but I just want everyone to know I captured a Bigfoot.
joshgondelman I’m so bold I send nude pictures with ONLY my face in them.
TheThomason Big week for cornucopias. Enjoy your time in the sun, cornucopias, you sad stupid bastards.
TheCatWhisprer I’m wearing a push-up bra and can still only do 3 push-ups. Would not recommend.
HelloCullen I like to bully nerds having brunch by saying “looks like someone’s brunchin’ for a punchin'” and then punching all of them.
Amusitr0n My resume includes a list of potential stains that I neutralized quickly using cold water.
000___000 most important meal of the day imo. way i figure it, if you can have breakfast at night then you’re ahead of the game.
donni They say misery loves trampolines.
joshgondelman I’m going to drink some bourbon and tell my coworkers what I really think of them. (I like and admire them a lot.)
RiverClegg That was great. I hope the sun sets tomorrow, too.
BuckyIsotope *football man throws football to football man wearing wrong color football shirt* This makes me angry
shariv67 My recipe for Turkey: /Counter effects of l-tryptophan by brining bird in Four Loko. /Cook for 147 hours in Easy-Bake Oven.
jake_lach There’s no cool way to eat a hotdog.
theleanover Sorry I couldn’t come to the door, both of my hands were stuck in turkeys.
FeralCrone In a dream, I get off a plane and am unsure where I am until I see a lady in a one-shouldered exercise bra top and wedge-heeled sneakers: LA
rstevens Seven evil Disney queens are hired to protect the Magic Kingdom from Sauron and his orcs in… The Maleficent Seven.
donni Always keep your fruit in a paper bag so it ripens quickly and you can throw it away faster
joshgondelman The guy next to me air-drumming on the train is having more fun than I’ve experienced over my whole life cumulatively.
suburbanitis ‘Oh, I know this Irish folk song’, I think to myself, feeling cultured, until I realize it was covered in a 2004 ep of The Backyardigans.
JerryThomas If Harrison Ford got his hair done like Princess Leia, that would be a Han bun.
jonnysun /ME: shhhh wait. do u sense that. evil’s afoot /EVIL LEG: [bursts out from the bushes] IM ACTUALY MORE OF A ENTIRE LEG
EmVeeGreen 5 yr old just spotted one of those planes that writes in the sky. “If I had one of those, id make it write Sky Farts” she whispered with awe.
donni I like the way you verdict, Judge Diggity.
InternetHippo Find someone who likes you despite your flaws. Then ask them, “What’s wrong with you?”
apelad I had to come out into the hallway to let you all know there’s a character in this Mockingjay movie named “Hey, Mitch!”
TheCatWhisprer If I stay up past 10PM it feels like I’ve been on a 3 day bender.
trumpetcake I MADE LOVE TO A GARBAGE BAG FILLED WITH SNAKES is the worst of the tell-all books penned by my former lovers, but the artwork is sublime.
LetMeStart Me: Do I really have to tell you not to punch me in the boob? /10yo: I was trying to punch you in the stomach. /Me: [looks down] Fair enough.
RiverClegg The word “privacy” comes from the Latin, “To eat shredded cheese while masturbating.”
waferbaby Can’t tell if I just met a new neighbour’s tiny Pomeranian, or a gentle indoor breeze blew a cotton ball at me.
wordlust I’m “My back! My back!” years old.
zorgod I’m beginning to suspect that my optometrist shouldn’t be giving me anesthesia.
duplicitron Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.
Prof_Hinkley [sword making documentary set] /Director: ok, we- /Narrator: WHEN DO I SAY CUTTING EDGE TECHNOLOGY?
nbadag [very obviously being hit on] hahaha ok well, see you around [4 days later, cutting open a cantaloupe] wait a second
benicus_rex BREAKING NEWS: cheese is very bad for humans. “Just put it in that little hole in your kitchen wall” said one tiny, adorable scientist
wutangcher hi. I’m jessica Simpson. don’t you hate when you’re putting on your makeup, but you can’t eat it
pleatedjeans [microbiology lab] BOSS: [looking into microscope] Jeff, is that next slide ready? /ME: [writing ‘fuck you’ on a grain of rice] ALMOST
CourtneyBale That’s IT. That’s the LAST STRAW. You’ll have to DRINK from the cup ITSELF, sir. Sorry to have STARTLED YOU with my ERRATIC SPEECH patterns.
CornOnTheGoblin I don’t practice diarrhea /I ain’t got no bathroom staaall /I sharted in a Macy’s now I’m /banned from the malllll
TheToddWilliams I don’t like to brag but I’m pretty good at it.
drewjanda MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BEES TO MY CAR /I SPILLED ALL OVER MY CAR /BEES ARE INSIDE OF MY CAR/ THEY COULD KILL ME /I’M ALLERGIC TO BEES
jessokfine Witches these days have it so easy. Do you know how hard it used to be to find so many newts? Now you get them with free 2 day shipping.
muffpunch Today I learned my insurance covers sterilization and this is going to be the best Christmas ever.