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These photos were taken the day before Isobel’s first day of first grate, which is going splendidly. Have a great weekend!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
lazerdoov Turns out my parents got divorced because they were trying to text one another with calculators for 3 years and just drifted apart
theshrillest well, I hope we’ve all learned a very important lesson from today’s events. not sure exactly what lesson that is but I hope we learned it
shariv67 *Lets the call of Cthulu go to voicemail*
tanehisicoates I was 8 years old. My brother was the DM. Other kids’ older brother’s bullied them. Mine let me walk out into the world with 3 hit-points.
MrWordsWorth The weather is so muggy it demanded all my money and made me go to the ATM to give it more.
mackymoo I was complaining to someone about the humidity and they thought I said humanity. #notwrong
joshgondelman “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking!” Don’t. That’s why they invented thinking.
michaeljnelson I would buy an electric car, but my only experience is them popping out of their slot track, tumbling across the floor and hitting my dog.
MarcTweetsHere An energy drink-addicted Muppet called Monster Monster
joshgondelman I just saw a guy with the anarchy symbol tattooed on his face which is the only place I respect one of those.
mulaney i mean @realDonaldTrump if you’re so good at negotiating how come you couldn’t get @DonaldTrump
PoliticalLine Bobby Jindal is so low in the polls that he might need to attack Deez Nuts platform to boost name recognition
iboudreau It’s so hot that the Gatorade I’m chugging just leaks straight into my shirt armpits.
rilaws Imagine being all excited about the sexy affair you arranged online after months/years of working up the nerve and then Josh Duggar shows up
NicestHippo To kids who are struggling with the challenges of college life, please remember: it gets so much worse
zachbraff I don’t know who Ashley Madison is, but I’m tired of hearing about her massive dump.
JennyPentland this luggage carousel is making me want sushi
Kayte_Kat My favorite childhood memory: not paying bills
ImAmandaNelson I just told my kid good night and he responded “Bye Feh-lee-shlia”
ClevelandPoet Every day my coworker sees me he asks “did you run yesterday?” I’m pretty sure no jury would convict me.
RiverClegg It’s amazing how, with just a little practice, I’m virtually no better at guitar.
MavenofHonor My low blood sugar TED Talk “FOODS: What Are It & How To Obtain” has been canceled due to recent findings (a granola bar).
NathanielWagg DARRYL: i can’t kill him! He’s my wife’s cousin’s orthodontist! RICK: that ain’t your wife’s cousin’s orthodontist no more
KalvinMacleod WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.
RiverClegg Every NASA employee got their job by correctly guessing the number of jelly beans in one of those big jars.
SamGrittner Behind every great woman is another great woman. They’re everywhere.
weinerdog4life Welcome to the jungle we got fun and games just kidding bugs and diarrhea have fun dickhead
TheWoodenslurpy Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
JohnLyonTweets Danger? I text LOL to danger.
jlock17 I never realized my dog has the same last name as me until I took him to the vet.
TheTimmyToes [makes a voodoo doll of himself] [gives it a little back rub]
KeatonPatti Fuck the police. Marry the fire department. Kill the post office.
waferbaby The best thing I saw today was two pregnant ladies trying to hug.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
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