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I’m proud to present Lauren Furlong, the creative genius behind Etsy’s newly opened Unfurled Images and fine art photographer.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

louisvirtel I’m sick of these “Which Disney princess are YOU?” tests because I already know I’m Zac Efron.

debenham  Costco had a run on soapboxes! I bought like 5 and stacked ’em up for that last tweet.

runawaycupcake  How about you keep clicking your pen so we can all direct our rage at you.

Mortimusgerbil  “Don’t forget to grab an extra cookie on your way to work out,” said the ass to the brain.

abbytron  “Once you get over the ass, you’re in the clear.” – me to my pants, but interestingly relevant to life as well.

LisaMcIntire  I ate all the spinach from my fridge before it turned so when can I expect my canonization?

wordlust  Missed connection: You were a doomsday asteroid. I was checking Facebook.

SladeRoberson Damn! DESOLATION OF SMAUG was the working title for the “Eat Pray Love” style memoir of my love life. : /

tigersgoroooar  I see you, baby. Shakin that ass. Shakin that ass. Candy wrappers n shit fallin out ya gotdamn pockets. Damn, baby, pick that shit up.

rstevens  What do you mean, “not all the underwear was edible”? uh oh

feliciaday  Kicked cat off bed in the middle of the night right before hairball ejection: Victory. Stepped in said hairball after waking up: Defeat.

SenatorScience  Men in expensive suits draw symbols for hugs and kisses on dry erase boards. The patterns excite them. This is called sports television.

wordlust  Some days you’re the punch bowl. Other days you’re the turd.

DudeNdaEaseOnUp  Wow I can’t believe they got your name wrong at Starbucks that doesn’t happen to anyone else ever just u only u

bombsfall  Curate your battles.

trumpetcake  A COUPLE NEW CATCH PHRASES I’M CONSIDERING: “Getcha yooself a wrench!” “Nickel for a dance, friend?” “Zingadooo!” “JANE DID IT!” “3”

thegrumbles  When the tornado warning sirens went off I made everyone put on motorcycle helmets because duh I am the smartest.

badbanana  Nice try with the fall colors, trees. If you want me to look at you, you better start displaying Twitter updates.

apodixis  Please stop speaking your mind, everyone. Your mind is pretty awful.

Lilacmess  That moment when you tried so hard to conjure your first patronus and an aardvark comes out

sixthformpoet  I wonder if the Queen ever flips a coin and pretends she’s watching herself doing somersaults.

joshmirm  If nintendo is ever in a real pickle, they just have to make more crossovers. Mario & Zelda game. Boom. Pokemon & Zelda. Zelda & Zelda. Pow.

fart  j. robert oppenheimer quoted the bhagavad gita after inventing the nuclear bomb. i cleaned my cat’s butthole while singing “Uptown Girl”

Molly_Kats  A class action lawsuit for people who’ve dropped a phone on their face.

krisstraub  i can’t wait for the new ps4 so i can play calzone. wait, it’s “killzone???” lame

SCbchbum  Netflix suggested we should start seeing other people.

fart  madam secretary of health, we patriots have a lot of questions for you. question 1: what is the liquid inside the balls? is it pee or what

ecsuperhero   The danger of going out to dinner without Shane is that when I walk in the house and remove my pants after a big meal, he gets confused.

DrMaldoror  Passed many cotton fields on my drive today. More than I was expecting. Georgia is a highly absorbent state.

josephesque  I didn’t brush anything today: hair, teeth, death.

SalomeWilde  Damn you, stomach ache, you and the onion rings you rode in.

runawaycupcake  Mac Store guy: Ma’am, why is there bologna in the DVD player? Me: I TOLD YOU IT WASN’T WORKING

JlnFrancisco  @iboudreau The more I hear cat owners describe cats the more they sound like every roommate I’ve ever had.

Adar79Angie  I played clarinet in band, so as you can imagine, there were many pregnancy scares.

apodixis  Am I a cat person or a dog person? Neither. I am just a regular person-person and not some kind of creepy human-animal hybrid.

ItMightBeJim  The only thing that scares me about meeting any of you, is that I can’t force you all to look at me from the same angle as my selfies.

AccidentalOly  Spending all day on the couch would be a whole lot more enjoyable if I could just get a catheter installed.

Ryan_Patricks  Girlfriend wanted me to go to the craft fair with her, but sadly I broke my foot this morning on purpose.

J__Swift  I find the fact that someone is named Hilaria quite…amusing.

burnstand  Extraneous? I disagree good sir, these decorations are perfectly aneous!

annetdonahue  MOVIE PITCH: Beth (Cameron Diaz) was looking for wireless in all the wrong places, until she realized she had the password all along.

theleanover  A lot of people get into stand-up because they lack the upper body strength of serial stranglers.

SomeChrisTweets  Who writes these fortune cookies and why do they all say Karen’s not coming back?

apelad  Dan’s like “nobody’s watching.”

mocoddle  I’ve started giving my dog super-villain-style commands. Instead of “Where is Daddy?” I say, “Find him! And bring him to me!”

fart  ipad fell behind the bed and spotify radio is playing some u2 b-side shit extremely loud. i cant reach it. is this hell

donni  She said “What’s your number?” I said “1-800-HELL-NAW.” She ran away crying. I really need to change that number.

SomeChrisTweets  Save the rainforest. It’s not like trees grow on trees. That would look stupid.

badbanana  Girl, are you a glass of water because I think you’re about to throw yourself at me.

johnmoe  My now 13yo got Assassin’s Creed 4. Near as I can tell, the Assassin’s creed, what he believes in most, is stabbing dudes.

akpiper  My son will not stop vogueing. We are at Pita Pit. Parenthood, dude. It’s not what you expect.

badbanana  Girl, are you a book recommended for ages 6-8 because I’m having a hard time reading you.

DrWrought  I only know the basketball players that were on Space Jam. Michael Jordan, Bill Murray, Bugs bunny, biggie smalls, a girl maybe (?)

wordlust  I almost cried when Batkid punched Ben Affleck in the nuts.

WigCannon  Giraffes have like seven necks in dog necks

rstevens  Seriously, props to Canada for keeping your George W. Bush restrained to the local level.

pacej_me  I’m kind of like a bee in that my greatest defense mechanism is just shoving my ass into you and dying

000___000  i would like to see a tiny car with 35 stick figure clown decals on the back window

iheartfailure  “Her ass made him want to write bad poetry.” #eroticadraft

bloodyoranges  I’m glad to see Americans settling back into a less psychotic level of bacon love. Got weird there for a year or two.

lanyardigan  This is my post-baby body (I used to be a baby)

josephesque  My kids hate that Portland’s colder than So Cal, but they love gloves and scarves and jackets, so basically they’re ungrateful little shits.

isplotchy  Music Fact: the full, unabridged title of “Pomp and Circumstance” is “Pompadours and Circumstantial Evidence”.

ProfessorSnack  Whenever someone says “besties”, I imagine that they’re saying “breasties” and we’re all good.

CrankyKaplan  IF YOU DON’T LOVE THE BATKID I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND PUT YOU IN YOUR MAILBOX.

SpaghettiJesus  Keeping my fingers crossed that I just invented the term astroglam. I really need this win.

michaelseidel  Who wants to come over to drink mint tea and alphabetize lps with me tonight?! Let’s get stupid!

smickable  If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son. After all, you are my son and I love you.

WstonesOxfordSt  It’s amazing how popular the Kardashians are after everything they did to Bajor.

introvertedwife  Do the Germans have a word for the Germans having a word for everything?

shariv67  Prevent kids from making up cruel rhymes about your child’s name by calling him Orange.

RobynHTV  Make your own coffee, drink for a day. Teach a toddler how to make coffee, and she’ll still be scooping as you die of caffeine deprivation.

fart  my voicemail greeting is like 60 seconds of me going “uuughghhhHGHghhhghghghHEEEEHhhhhh” and i think i’ve lost jobs and girlfriends from it

KenBane1  I wonder if the guys in the beard net factory have to wear beard nets. #infinity

Milford_Cuboid  Sonic The Hedge #BoringVideoGames

BangPowPing  World of Door Craft #BoringVideoGames

bartlebysdead  you can’t have your dead horse and beat it too

slackmistress  The vetting process that @betheboy just went through to buy a Macy’s gift card online for a wedding was more thorough than any gun check.

BeTheBoy  @slackmistress while I was on hold I bought two guns.

BeTheBoy  Just had to go through a 4 step verification process to buy a @Macys gift card. If been through surgeries that were less invasive.

VaguelyFunnyDan  Still no word from the patent office about my kosher dog food line, Muzzle Tov™

pontiuslabar  One day some DJ will combine 99 Red Balloons and 99 Bottles of Beer and before it’s over, that club will be straight out of The Road.

FlyoverJoel  You can find lots of interesting things by bending over to look in the bottom of the freezer like some back muscles you didn’t know you had.

aprilmaywilson  Standing in line for the PS4, my son texted that he is freezing. I bet Normandy was rough for his grandfather.

nPhelendriqal  Sorry, but only 2 people have ever looked cool with mustaches. Freddie Mercury and my mom.

gabedelahaye  So the lesson of Karate Kid is if you’re a sensitive outcast who feels misunderstood, you should learn how to round kick people in the face.

sbellelauren  2 hot 4 pants

ashleycrem  I lead by example by pointing out other people’s bad behavior as examples.

JulieFroolie  I only hope I have the same puzzling longevity as Clamato

What is Follow Friday? It’s a blog series I created a few years ago based on a Twitter meme.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!

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