This week I’m wearing a variation of an outfit I wore a few times last week including to a trip to the mall several cities over and out to a friend’s house for a get-together. I guess this is my official outing look at the moment, at least the one that doesn’t involve a skirt or dress. I like the way it comes together and it is incredibly comfortable.
You might recognize my grandpa pants! They are so comfortable and they never let me down. The black tissue shirt came from Goodwill but I swear I’ve seen it before, and since our Goodwill has a contract with Target I’m betting it’s from there. I think I paid three dollars for it. The nice thing about a lightweight tissue shirt like this is I don’t get overheated in the afternoon but in the morning and evening it’s a nice little layer to wear under a cotton-blend cardigan for a bit of extra warmth. The thinness of the shirt also nicely hugs my belly without being tight to give it definition without bulk, which is always appreciated.
The cardigan I got at Target, which is of meh quality. It will last another month or two, probably, before getting so ratty I won’t be able to wear it out anymore, as is the case with Target clothes. The best black cardigan I ever owned I bought online from Victoria’s Secret in 2000 and it never wore out and always looked fabulous. I brought it with me to a party we went to in the city one time while I was still librarian and – sadly – forgot it there. All the cardigans I’ve owned since then have been a pale imitation. This cardigan works well as maternity so far by buttoning it under the bust instead of at the waist and it tents out from there appealing. I love showing off the bump now that I have it.
The headband came from an old lady’s scarf and hat stash that I rooted through at an estate sale. It’s made from a synthetic fabric of metallic gold and shiny black threads woven together. So pretty in person, though the camera doesn’t capture it that well. It smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and I had to air it out for awhile to get rid of the smell. It makes a great headband when my hair is driving me nuts. The bag is from Etsy, as I mentioned last week, as is the golden laurel leaf bracelet cuff, which I received as a Mother’s Day gift a few years ago. The Etsy seller was even kind enough to offer a second one for free to give away to a lucky Little Big reader.
Isobel didn’t want to be in today’s photo because she was in the middle of playing an intense game of Batman and Robin Legos with her father and as much as she loves being in photos she loves that much, much more. She wanted me to wait and normally I would have but the sun has been sinking into the horizon earlier and earlier each day and I was running out of available light. The last shots from this set were unusable because it had already gotten too dark.
It’s fun to pose with Isobel and so it was a little lonely posing by myself this week, mostly because I am still awkward in front of the camera and not really sure how to pose or what to do with the large, dangly appendages attached to my shoulders. Isobel loosens me up so I feel more natural. I don’t have to tell you I’m no model or even a fashion blogger. I’m not trying to be one, I’m just trying to avoid looking like a deer in the headlights when the timer goes off. A pregnant deer. Wearing clothes from Goodwill.
This week I had to sadly admit to myself that I have been feeling terrible much of the time. Hormone bursts and cranky moods aside, I physically feel terrible. Really awful. I still have no energy and have continued to have streaks of massive, multi-day migraines. My Crohn’s has been awful and so has my Crohn’s-related arthritis. Food almost always sounds terrible and I’m still falling victim to the Surprise Barfs. I don’t know if something is wrong or if I just have too many health problems to have a comfortable pregnancy, but I know that last time wasn’t this hard. Maybe because I was younger. I’ll be 34 on Wednesday and although that’s not much older than the 29-years-old I was when I got pregnant with Isobel, maybe it is in terms of my body. I’m actually healthier than I was back then in a lot of ways, but I am older.
I’m very worried that I feel so terrible this time because there’s something wrong with the baby. But I know that is probably anxiety and Anthony thinks I’ll feel a lot better once I tell my doctor all about how I’m feeling. My OB appointment is this morning so hopefully by later today my mind will be more at ease.
Fears and discomfort aside, I am so excited to meet this baby and introduce him or her into the crazy fold of our family. I see babies with their parents when we are out and I have to resist the urge to run to them, pick them up, and squeeze the ever loving crap out of them. I hear a baby cry and I my arms want to reach out and comfort them. Infant coos and babbles make me melt. In short, I am a crazy person, but a harmless one who can’t wait to have another little person in her life.