– I hate to keep starting these updates with how I’m not doing so well, but it’s the truth. I’m not doing so well. My panic and anxiety have been out of control as we wait to see what opportunities are available for our family. It’s been hard and there are times when the depression and anxiety so overwhelm me I can’t think or act and my head gets all swimmy and it’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I don’t and the panic washes over me in waves and if I don’t sit down or take some medicine it builds into a full-on panic attack. I’m not sleeping very well and that’s not helping. My body has a very precise internal clock because it’s woken me up at 3 a.m. every day for the last two weeks. I know eventually this will end but right now I can’t see that. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other.
– We might have some important news this week, so any good vibes are appreciated. It might be good. It might not be. I have no idea when I will know. It’s like my friend Jenn said, “This is the worst countdown ever because you don’t even know where you are counting down to.”
– My sister is safely back in Virginia with her husband and dog and small menagerie of cats. Isobel did not want her to leave and misses her constantly.
– Last Saturday my dad received his 13th chip in AA, which means it was the 13th anniversary of his sobriety. I could not be more proud or filled with love for this man and all he’s accomplished.
– Some kind reader anonymously sent us a $100 grocery card. Thank you, whomever you are, from the bottom of my heart. If you choose to come forward there’s a drawing from Isobel and a photo of our family dressed in western regalia in it for you.
– In an effort to raise my spirits my husband purchased this awesome piece of jewelry for me. It’s a replica Star Trek communicator pin, which I’ve wanted deeply since the seventh grade. It’s a practical(ish) gift, too because we plan to wear them with our uniforms at Halloween. I wore it when I went through a drive-thru (one of the benefits of depression: you don’t give a shit! I was lucky I was already wearing pants! Or else I might not have bothered!) and it sparked a great conversation with the guy at the window. It’s weird how something like that can cheer me up, but it did.
– Since Anthony took my sister and Isobel to Yosemite she has become obsessed with squirrels. She has been collecting seeds and nuts to feed them when she goes back and constantly talks about them. She now wants to be a squirrel for Halloween (actually she wants us all to dress as squirrels and go as Squirrel Family) and constantly plays pretend that she is a squirrel. Sometimes she pretends to be a “rainbow squirrel,” which is her name for chipmunk since she noticed they have different colored stripes along their backs.
– We actually have a little park near our house that houses a small colony of ground squirrels. They are very different than the squirrels and chipmunks who live in Yosemite, of course. They are a different species, for one, they live in little burrows that they dig in the ground, for another, and, much to Isobel’s infinite dismay, they are “shy of humans.” We’ve been to that park a few times to sit in the shade of the sycamores and watch them scamper about from burrow to burrow and do other squirrel-type things. We’ve brought handfuls of sunflower seeds from our garden to leave as offerings at the entrance to their homes. I don’t actually know if they eat sunflower seeds, but I hope so.
– Anthony downloaded State of Decay which is a unique zombie-survival game that focuses on building relationships and a community. I think it’s fair to say I’m obsessed with it. Or, we’re obsessed with it. A friend came over the other day and played it with us and now he’s obsessed with it. It’s an inexpensive game and well-worth the purchase. I think it’d be worth the purchase at three times the price, though occasionally the graphics get pretty janky. There’s something so soothing about building a community and watching your husband kill zombies. It’s like a day at the spa.
– Anthony is taking me on a day trip to the coast today. I know he’s worried about my mental state and it’s a cheap thing we can do to get out of the house. We have some family in the area that we can visit and we are familiar with several free beaches so aside from gas and food for a picnic it’s a pretty inexpensive outing. It’s been so long since I’ve been to the coast. I miss it.
– ETA: Actually, we went yesterday. We had a great time and a pod of dolphins swam right by us. I could not have been more amazed if a unicorn floated by.
Follow Friday: Zoo Botanica. Flower photos and funny tweets.
Thrift Store Score Collection: Vintage Picnic Plates. We use these every day.
Snapshot 8.14.13. The weekly haps.
Recipe: Spinach Cheese Wheels. LB reader and friend Jenna made these and her family calls them “pinwheels.”
Scrapbook: County Fair 2013. Nobody kissed a giant python this time, but a goat did make out with Angela.
Taste: The Anthropology of Eating. I hope I’m a supertaster. That’s how I plan on justifying my wussiness when it comes to spicy food.
“We are in the universe, and the universe is in us”. One of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite people.
Diana Goldstein’s Fallen Princesses. “Fallen Princesses place fairy tale characters in modern-day scenarios… The “happily ever after” is replaced with a realistic outcome and addresses current issues.” I think some of these are more successful than others, but the ones that succeed are powerful. I think she missed a chance to put Alice in rehab or an institution.
Reaktiv Ratings WordPress plugin. “This fully-customizable plugin allows site visitors to rate your post, page, or custom post type with a familiar “star” rating system.” Some friends of mine created this and I can 100% assure you they are awesome.
How to keep your anxiety in check when you are at the office. A good read for anyone with anxiety, with or without an office.
Summer nights in Sweden. Photographs from the land of the Midnight Sun. I’m a little obsessed with this blog.
Twerking in the Animal Kingdom. You should watch this.
Thrifty Holidays: Links for Fall. I love fall, if only because I’m dying of heat stroke.
Little Big Kitchen: Thrifty Ice Cream Treats. Isobel was eager to help with this post.
Scrapbook: Grandpa’s Pirate Ship. We go sailing on Grandpa’s boat, he makes a treasure map for Isobel.
Scrapbook: Home Life. I love my little home.
I answer a reader question once a month. Do you have a question for me? I’d love to answer it! If it’s a short one I’ll answer it here. If it’s more complicated, I’ll give it its own post. You can leave your question in the comments, @-reply me on twitter, email it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or send me a messenger pigeon. Don’t actually do the last one, though. My cat will eat it. Be sure to let me know if you want me to include your name and link to your blog or shop. Anonymous questions are fine, too.