Today’s Follow Friday features photos I took while at a family dinner on my Father-in-law’s verdant patio. He has the sort of patio I aspire to have one day.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
babybabylemon Nothing says hey, maybe drink some more coffee like a small toaster fire.
ashleycrem I think we should all let Bono know that what he’s looking for will be in the last place he’s looked.
biorhythmist Grammar police walk into a bar. Bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve you’re kind here.”
yoyology Benedict “Democratic Republic of the” Congobatch #AfricanCelebs
MagpieLibrarian A kid just drew a picture of me, and when I tried to thank him, he said, “I KNOW YOUR SECRET IDENTITY” and ran off.
iboudreau I’m installing Vine on my phone. Objective is to create the mobile version of the Ring video.
gneicco Cartographers can’t go 10 minutes without making a topo.
VaguelyFunnyDan Why would I even consider your mid-sized sedan if you don’t have a beastly, murderous dubstep track in your commercial?
louisvirtel Hard to believe that only 30 years ago, Liberace would’ve given my ass throat cancer.
VaguelyFunnyDan Twitter crashed for twelve minutes so now I’m wearing a loincloth and a volleyball’s my best friend.
jeffsaporito Today Anderson Cooper is one year closer to growing into his hair color.
EdiHasAUnicorn A Laura Ingalls in the streets and a Laura Ingalls Wilder in the sheets.
morninggloria During my week off, working on my screenplay about a deer and his precious metal prostitute. “A Hart With A Hooker of Gold.”
girlvswhale George R. R. Martin is the reason I have trust issues.
PolyesterPony The last time I went on a date Aristotle kept lifting my robe.
highchairkings Facebook told me to tell you they miss your data.
prodigalsam You guys all call your mops Taylor Swiffers right? No? Just me?
SpaghettiJesus Crunch is not an ingredient, American Food Manufacturers.
AnnieGirardYAY If you’re ever in charge of childcare at a leper colony or a Potatohead family reunion, skip the ol’ “I got your nose” gag. #happySunday!
ryankresse “I hear babies cry. I watch them grow. Fast-growing mutant babies that I hear in my waking dreams.” #FirstDraftLouisArmstrong
pontiuslabar Remember how Commander Data in Star Trek TNG could listen to eight symphonies simultaneously? I can do that with Mexican food.
NicLewis I now own a tie that isn’t Star Trek related, which seems a little perverse, frankly.
DrMaldoror Writing is 90% solitude, misery, self-abuse, needless Googling, overusing words, snacks. Will let you know about remaining 10% later.
MagpieLibrarian I can’t watch a Real Housewives of Anywhere without Googling “Real Housewives Plastic Surgery Before+After” It’s how I cope w/awful people
MmeLaCrooz Got my panties in a wad, but it really didn’t help.
stateofnick “I’m honestly not that happy here.” – a pig in shit
BDGarp I’ll probably wake up and not go to the gym today.
theleanover “SPACE BUREAUCRACY vs. A FRINGE RELIGIOUS CULT” is a better title for Star Wars.
runawaycupcake Pretty sure people whose phones make a little click every time they touch the keypad are more apt to die from unnatural causes.
biorhythmist When I was in third grade my best friend was a kid named Todd who lived down the street now my best friend is Imodium
SelfAwareROOMBA ROOMBA would like to imagine a soul, but only the cruel math emerges.
corrinrenee Someone searched my blogs for “toned legs.” They’re in the wroooong place.
MeganBoley They sold out of the donuts I was in line for, so I ate a chocolate croissant, two Chicago dogs, and a vanilla milkshake out of spite. #yes
LaOrganista Is it wrong that when I see some of these patients in the waiting room I’m comforted to see that they are obviously much crazier than me?
matthewbaldwin Yo mama so boring she failed the Myers-Briggs test.
vforrestal Mimosas are good and all, but I think samosas are the best ‘mosas.
josephesque All the kids are asleep so Rock Band just turned into Naked Rock Band.
wheatandsky I wish boogie boarding was just a funky way to board an aircraft.
thebobbieoliver Kens Burns documentaries are in real time. The Civil War doc was 3 hours longer than the war.
vladchoc My other car is also a white Mazda, but SO HELP ME GOD if any giants try to use them as roller skates… I just get so angry picturing it.
markleggett Are you there, nothing? It’s me, an atheist.
shariv67 If I could have dinner with any three historical figures they would be sorry, they wish they could come, but they have a thing.
FlyoverJoel I’m on my third PBR and my pants turned into skinny jeans and I look like a keg on stilts. :(
UnicornFlavored I just evil-laughed while denying 2 Facebook friend requests from relatives I don’t like, and fire was reflected in my eyeballs.
usedwigs Sorry I took the cement truck and filled it with Cherry Slurpee and created the most magical day ever at the construction site.
FakeLibStats ”Cats — Fiction” is the most common subject search performed by librarians for their own reading
annetdonahue The next time someone asks whether it’s “hot enough for ya,” get close to their face, look them dead in the eye, and say, “no.”
MightyHunter I have opinions about super hero comic book characters. Sorry, ladies, I’m taken.
introvertedwife Smart people put seed packets in a binder, I shove mine into a drawer. If I ever stick some soil in there it’ll get interesting.
MsHunnyBunnie Ass is a muscle. Work it.
TwoAdults Is Pepperidge Farm a real place? If so, I’m having my ashes sprinkled there when I die.
Toaster_Pastry I will not be live tweeting a television program. However, a paper mill blew up in my office, and I will live tweet that.
cloudcm Just complimented the Kmart employee at the expense of the other employees. But they don’t appear to be alive so it’s ok.
ItsTheGrumpyCat Airplanes have now banned tweezers. I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane.
Pamela_Drouin Pep talks can effectively be conveyed in a gif.
b0ringtweets I’ve just had a wee. Rating: 8/10
MrWordsWorth Seeing the effects of diet cola on teeth, I think I will stick with crystal meth.
Bagyants When I was your age there was a TV show about sentient bananas who wore pajamas! It was a grand old time. We were all on LSD
bumlaser Attempted to call daughter an impromptu affectionate name. Ended-up calling her “toilet”. Way to go, champ.
CarlyRM That awkward moment when you think someone is giving out free food, but it’s free PET food.
FlyoverJoel Experience all the drama and excitement of Wall Street in your hometown by hosting a document shredding party in your office building.
jefftobin I am under the assumption that most of Americans don’t protest because they have too many television programs to watch on their DVR.
Squirreljustice Just sprayed suntan oil on my arms, or as they will be known in an hour, coconut-scented insect morgues.
johnmoe Freddie Mercury once said, “People on the streets. Ba-da-dee-dop-dop.” And it’s still true today.
mariannecanada Listen, I think kissing the anesthesiologist on the mouth was totally appropriate.
QuinnK “To the person who left an exploded burrito in the microwave: That’s gross & rude.” – note I left after my burrito exploded in the microwave
HonestToddler Like I’m the first person to confuse a spider web for cotton candy. Calm down.
sbellelauren if i was a squirrel everyday i would be like DEEZ NUTS & then eat them everyone would hate me so much i’m glad i’m not a squirrel
sarcasmically I am aaaaaching to use “screenshat” (past tense, screenshot) in this client email but it wouldn’t be professional or whatever.
unrealfred Just to help people narrow things down a little, I will almost certainly not be asked to play the next Doctor. That’s one down.
rachel_nk Me: “My phone number is on the bottom if you or your parents have any questions.” 2nd grader: “Sweet. I’m gonna text you all summer.”
Zaius13 When I become a ghost, I’m going to spend more time making people use their turn signals and less time watching my grandchildren masturbate.
KenJennings Nice job, whoever chose the word “monosyllabic” for that.
JRehling I know I should learn CPR, but realistically, what are the chances of anyone hot needing it?
KittenWritten Hubs and I just had an exciting convo about the origins of the Muppet Babies in case you singles wonder why people marry.
Bourdain Thank God! Now Russia has to feed Steven Seagal.
kelkulus Spoiler Alert: In the season finale of Game of Thrones, YOU die.
donglord69 It’s cool how a sun wearing sunglasses is the symbol for “Summer fun!” and not “Protect me from myself!”
1BigMick I wore a red shirt to Target and now I can’t leave until my shift is over at 2 : (
muffpunch Guys, it’s Wednesday. If that thing from Sunday that everyone is talking about is still on your DVR unwatched, get off the internet.
9to5Life The thing that disappoints me most about the 80’s is that Weird Al never did a song called “When Dougs Cry.”
nataliejanette Just burned my toe with the steam mop. This is why I hate cleaning. It’s dangerous.
Neilochka I think I muted so many hashtags, people, and clients on Twitter that my stream now consists of just one person angry at American Airlines.
quantumpotpie LinkedIn – Special Skills – In the shower, I stream water off my fingers and pretend it’s Force Lightning.
ThisMayBeFatal Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a Brie. I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody’s looking for Stilton.