It’s my ten-year wedding anniversary to my favorite male human, Anthony Castillo. Love ya, babe. You only get better with time.
Today’s Follow Friday photos are brought to you by what our children were doing while the adults were hitting each other with PVC pipe.
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Would you like to be a guest photographer for Follow Friday? Email me!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
biorhythmist “You’re even hotter in person!” – me flirting with the Sun
geekandahalf However awful your day is, I just found out I’m getting a shot in my eyeball, so I’m pretty sure I win with the awful.
AncientBuzzfeed 18 gods that won’t make you sacrifice your children
cwethern This is America. I’ve been pronouncing “gif” as “kimple” for years, and I’m not about to stop now. I have rights.
grumpymartian Aaron (watching Swiffer ad): I don’t understand these ads. Your broom will sleep with anything? Is that the takeaway?
robdelaney I bet it smelled awful in the Love Shack.
birbigs Queens is the new Brooklyn which is the new Manhattan which is the new Netherlands.
MsHunnyBunnie Fuck with people: be kind.
lonelysandwich When I hear about b-school and j-school, business and journalism aren’t the first things that come to mind. (Because I went to butt school.)
biorhythmist Let’s go to the sushi boat place and reenact the “Lucy & Ethel wrap chocolates” scene
hipstermermaid Don’t listen to your intuition. Google.
theleanover Props to airplanes.
lasertron so yeah twitter is p much my nsfw facebook
aparnapkin listen i’d love to stop and chat but i have crippling social anxiety
marlespo I never give up!! NEVER!! Well sometimes on Saturdays. And if I’m drunk. This tweet sucks I give up.
Fun_Beard brb, motorboating two bags of doritos
MmeSurly A large, mostly-naked wet man approached me in the woods and asked me if he’s gonna go to heaven. I frowned & hope he knows that means “no.”
charliecapen I really enjoy these little chats I have with my son while he’s pooping on the toilet.
kellyasterisk Mmm baby come over and apply pressure to my sternum until this anxiety attack passes aw yeah
trumpetcake CONFESSION: The most fun I’ve had with puppetry has been with unsanctioned puppets. (bags, socks, trees, Kid Rock, etc.)
Leemanish Obviously, u never want to hear a judge sentence u to death – that said, though, it’d be, like, the ULTIMATE opportunity for a spit-take.
MommyMG Why didn’t Dante write about McDonald’s PlayPlace? WHY WAS THAT NOT INCLUDED IN THE CIRCLES OF HELL??
robfee Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won’t open.
helenstwin Joe: are you wearing leather pants? Me: technically no.
braak Dear Nerds: you are all going to be disappointed when you discover that the Doctor’s name is…STEVEN MOFFAT.
runawaycupcake Father-in-law pouring salad dressing onto a spoon & drinking it in restaurant. Blessed.
SunnyMabrey You’re either for me or embarrassed for me
slackmistress @annetdonahue @betheboy & I are like a game of Clue but instead of murder weapons there are snacks.
wordlust As a wise man once told me, “Dude, I’m a stray dog. You should go back on your meds.”
StephPedalDown Just farted and a flock of birds arose out of the grass and flew away.
inthefade I won’t forget any of you when I win Powerball. All my followers will get a special tweet saying HAHAH I WON POWERBALL, SUCKERS!
Zaius13 Hell is other people’s wifi passwords.
wordlust When I’m dead, please don’t mourn. Focus on avenging.
usedwigs Sorry I released those bats in your man cave. It just seemed like the best place for them.
iboudreau I’m not watching Eurovision but based on the tweets about it, I’m confused anyway.
BeTheBoy I still don’t understand how people can stand being around other people. We are the worst.
WilliamAder My sewer bill is exactly the same every month, if you were wondering how regular I am.
sbellelauren let the chips fall where they may IN MY MOTHAFUCKIN MOUTH
DeborahPuette not to say I’m overly dramatic but I just got surprise-sprayed by one of those misters in the produce section & went down like I’d been shot
owlparliament “Are you gonna go away?” – me to Lenny Kravitz
AlisonAgosti Does being sexually attracted to Benedict Cumberbatch mean that I want to be serial killed
nayele18 Someone just smacked my ass and called me a sexy bitch, you guys! Ok, fine, it was me, but still!
lanyardtwerk I’m a Cancer. That’s also my astrological sign.
mitdasein It takes a special kind of person to make Gordon Ramsey seem sympathetic.
WilliamAder Bought two Powerball tickets, so I have a 50-50 chance of winning.
DadBeard I fed a rabbit some Cheez-It® Baked Snack Crackers this evening. It was pretty fulfilling for myself and filling for the rabbit.
shinyinfo I get really annoyed when people advertise recipes as “This will change your life”. THIS CHICKEN MADE ME QUIT MY JOB & DIVORCE MY WIFE!
slackmistress Woke up in a hotel bed with both my kidneys! This day is off to a great start.
bagyants When a commercial says “ACT NOW” I freak out and join a stage production
apatheticist We could seal off Florida with a wall pretty easily.
LaurelKS John: that’s Harris ranch. Me: the concentration camp for cows? John: Cowshwitz.
ChrisHallbeck “I want you inside me!” I said to the ever expanding pool of my blood.
donni Abusing drugs verbally
esmithrakoff 2. Yahoo! should combine Tumblr with Flickr and call it Flumbloo!
rikpayne Eating while driving is one thing, but this meat fondue was just a bad idea.
bellyofawhale Does this new Daft Punk want me to have sex with robots? Because I’m not going to have sex with robots.
prodigalsam The apples in McDonald’s Happy Meals feel kind of like brushing your teeth after smoking.
theleanover When I die I’m donating my body to Oscar Mayer.
slackmistress You may not know this about me, but I’m classy as fuck.
introvertedwife I would ask why there’s chocolate on the back of my ear, but I’m not even surprised anymore.
snazzmania ziggy ziggy ziggy, can’t you see, the fact that you’re still going stumps the shit out of me
EmInPortland I have a lazy eye. But you can’t tell because the rest of my body is lazy, too. Everything kind of syncs up.
WilliamAder There are only two things in Raisin Bran I don’t like.
donni “I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor,” I confide to Hewlett Packard tech support
louisvirtel Ryan Seacrest does not leave the house until he is exactly the color of a softball mound.
UncleSensei 1.) Buy Baconator. 2.) Buy Son of Baconator. 3.) Open Baconator. 4.) Insert Son of Baconator into Baconator. 5.) Enjoy Incestinator.
PoorEvelyn A tracking device for Chapstick.
morninggloria I don’t need breathalyzers; I know when I’m not OK to drive when I start complimenting strangers’ dogs.
MassageByTed It’s go time! No, wait. It’s actually go away time.
IHAVEAPUPPY40 I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS! -Me screaming at life
marlespo Concubines are just porcupines with a criminal record.
marlespo Adult Friend Finder, but for my car keys
stephenmk What if we are the procrastinators that we’ve been waiting for?
AaronFullerton When someone says “I love you,” remember to say “I love YOU!” to remind them that love’s a competition and you’re winning.
kellyasterisk If the way you say goodnight to someone is by asking them if it’s bed burrito time then your life is on the RIGHT TRACK
pushinghoops why would you have a baby besides for practicing your sarcasm on
louisvirtel Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m tired or just rational.
fireland Bartender gives me two free drinks and vanishes. This is like when you find a crate of health potions in a video game. Boss fight comin.
annetdonahue Bill Nye was probably livid he wasn’t cast as Lincoln.
pontiuslabar The tree of liberty must be watered… I mean, set in the sun, or maybe repotted? What’s this fungus? GAH. Garden democracy is impossible!
TacoHugsPHD Why would you carry a dog in a bag. Dogs have 4 legs. That makes dogs twice as good at walking than humans.
rockskimmer Baby, I Can’t Wait
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
rockskimmer Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
VestaTot Push It
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
peterkford Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
DrMaldoror Shout
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
ShesAllWrite You Dropped A Bomb On Me
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
DrMaldoror When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
DrMaldoror Blame It On The Rain
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
ShesAllWrite Islands In The Stream
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
ShesAllWrite Here I Go Again
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
GlancesNods Under Pressure.
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
GlancesNods Can’t Fight This Feeling.
#80sSongsAboutNeedingToGoToTheBathroom
SarcasticRover “We are all made of star poops.” -Carl Sagan, First Draft.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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