A few years ago some friends and I traveled to Lick Observatory over winter break. I’d love to look through that telescope someday.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Interested in being a guest photographer? Email me! 

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 sbellelauren you’re right valvoline an oil change would be a unique mother’s day gift if she does something to make me hate her before then i’ll call you

biorhythmist Explain it to me slowly, like I’m an Internet commenter.

markleggett “YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE’S BUTT!” – an 8 year-old officiating over a wedding/the tagline to an Adam Sandler film where he plays everyone.

Moldy_Jellybean Look i’m not saying we should pull the plug on grandma, i’m just saying can i borrow some electricity my phone is about to die.

fierceflawless @exlibris I had a job interview in Modesto once. It involved a mechanical bull. No joke.

torgospizza  Creating photons is Bohr-ing.

anildash “We have the tech to put a fart app on your wrist, above your eyebrow, in your pocket… literally anywhere. A wearable fart app, anywhere.”

Alice_Moran Starfleetwood Mac #StarTrekBands

r_droc1 The Notorious B.O.R.G. #StarTrekBands

sargoshoe The Cold Warp Kids #StarTrekBands

auditorydamage  Worf Herder #StarTrekBands

evanyrosen Troiz II Men #StarTrekBands

ShaneCameBack Chaka KHAAAAN! #StarTrekBands

kellyanelons Vulcan Femmes #StarTrekBands

mightygodking Bat’leth Drawn Boy #StarTrekBands

drugsinjapan Class M Ward #StarTrekBands

jgeady Dilithium Crystal Castles #StarTrekBands

PeteMilan Barclay Aiken #StarTrekBands

drugsinjapan Hollodeck and Oates #StarTrekBands

Soulsmithy 10cc-1701 #StarTrekBands

okjonblair And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Redshirts #StarTrekBands

Nug13 Darmok & Jelad at Tenacious D #StarTrekBands

nnkatherine There Are Four Lights #StarTrekBands

brofromanother Guinan By Voices #StarTrekBands

zombivish Six Pence None the Riker #StarTrekBands

mitdasein Luther Vandross died less than a week before my first wife and I officially split. Coincidence?

scearley Dave Matthews Band sounds exactly like waking up hungover on the lawn feels

donni  Sleep is death’s bumbling assistant.

GriffLightning “My ultimate career goal is” = The full extent of an unfinished tweet I saved to my drafts last month while drunk. #UnsolvedMysteries

mat_johnson I found Waldo between Ralph and Emerson.

johnmoe I enjoy imagining that everyone who uses the acronym SMH is just saying “smuh” quietly to themselves.

torgospizza In the U.S. Senate, you no longer R.S.V.P. to invitations, you “Freedom Answer” them.

rockskimmer  I would walk .500 miles #MoreAccurateSongs

yoyology We Need A Little More Education About Double Negatives #moreaccuratesongs

yoyology Is That Doggie In The Window Less Than $5? #moreaccuratesongs

yoyology I Could Have Danced For Another Three Hours #moreaccuratesongs

Prescribed_Naps I just called to say I love you and complain about my job. #MoreAccurateSongs

markleggett NFL players motivate themselves by thinking “THIS BALL IS ACTUALLY A VERY SICK BABY PUG, AND I NEED TO QUICKLY CARRY IT TO A DOGSPITAL!”

000___000 smoke some marijuana resin with your pals and chase each other around like you’re little kids again #hashtag

BillMc7 Step 1 – Change your Wi-Fi password to “fuckoff.” Step 2 – Wait for someone to ask you for it.

pbump Wow can’t believe that today and yesterday and next week and New Years and Christmas 2097 is the day Marty McFly arrives in the future.

Bosko_DePompo Send kid to military school based on 18th C. French Army. Kid comes home with beauty mark, syphilis, and bitter hatred of Corisicans.

Journalgirl “LIKE A BOSS,” she tweeted, face down on the living room rug, unable to move from exhaustion.

alexsteed Favorites make up the unspoken language of Twitter.

MarcusTheToken If you love something let it go? How fucking stupid are you. You keep it, you dumbfuck.

BoobsRadley  Wha…? “Murder” ???? I was trying to dial “N” for “Nachos!”

JillBidenVeep To get Joe to go shopping with me, I tell him we’re going To Infinity and Bed, Bath & Beyond.

dandouglas “Why do birds suddenly appear?” BECAUSE I AM LEVEL 50 NECROMANCER WITH A CHARACTER BUILD SKEWED TOWARD THE DISCIPLINE OF SWIFT AVIAN CONJURY

badbanana Icelandic singer denied public office due to defamation, as reported by the Swedish Chef: “Björk Borked, Bork Bork Bork!”

markleggett What else can we raisinify? Clams? Are y’all ready to embrace clam-raisins as your new favourite taste sensation?

MrWordsWorth A romantic comedy where Donald Trump falls in love with a shark.

MrWordsWorth A romantic comedy where Donald Trump is eaten by a shark.

cwethern I think one of the big hurdles is that the prospective employer can’t tell if I’m a better fit for “the sarcastic one” or “the nerdy one.”

SpaghettiJesus We need to figure out how to live more selfishly if we’re gonna make it through the apocalypse we’ve set ourselves up for!

VaguelyFunnyDan I’m bringin’ Hep-C back.

VaguelyFunnyDan As a kid you can invent a fake amusement park called “Fartland” & laugh for days. But when you’re older it’s…you just…hahahaha FARTLAND!

nathan210 No, white haired man, you can’t wear shorts that end 4″ above the knee AND have a “Ted Nugent for President” bumper sticker. Pick one Crazy.

willgoldstein I see you’ve mastered the “home” part. Not so sure about the “schooling” part.

introvertedwife Hipster time travelers. I’m totally into that band that hasn’t been born yet.

jerryrenek Some impressive work with Microsoft Paint still happening on heavy metal album covers.

morninggloria When did starving weasel with hair extensions become the standard of female beauty?

biorhythmist If someone says they have good news and bad news, get the good news first then run, run like the wind

ristolable The nice thing about life is that everything always turns out exactly the way you planned.

TheBosha Touching montage sequence of celebrities you thought were dead but actually aren’t.

JRehling Batman could walk into your house and find all the missing socks in like a minute.

robdelaney Anybody else #partying tonight? My wife & I just played Bananagrams & drank oolong tea.

mattytalks The worst thing about dinner parties is having to spend hours polishing all the formal memes that you never use otherwise

Kyle_Lippert An empty forest.  A tree falls. The tree whimpers. A man in camo rises from a bush. “I heard that”. The tree smiles sheepishly “Ah ya got me”

kellyasterisk This has been an important internet lesson and please remember to spend lots of time outside

Ali_Davis “I am a trickster serpent, here on this earth only to confound you and break your heart.” -The drawstring on my exercise pants

jwPencilAndPadr Has the show “All Things Considered” ever considered a shoe full of anchovies? Well they have to eventually, right?

99golems No matter how good the song is, as soon as it’s in a vine and listened to at least three times in a row it sounds like a nightmare.

runawaycupcake I raise my cat to your success.

mermaidpants Whenever I have to set an alarm on my iPhone to wake me before 6 am, I always put “Sorry, Future Jenna” as the label.

10InchesPlus  I don’t want to survive the apocalypse if the only people who are going to be left are the people who prepared for the apocalypse.

richardroeper Imagine the twirling kaleidoscope of crazy inside Donald Trump’s mind. “Obama!” “Loser!” “$5 million!” “Is that a squirrel?”

DannyZuker.@realDonaldTrump @ApprenticeNBC The only way you could be losing rating points faster is if you inherited them from your father.

thispartyislame Work presentation? Want to appear in control? Use a dagger to point at things.

Adar79Angie A blow up doll, but instead of sex he just fastens my jewelry and attends family functions with me.

drugleaf  0 calorie soda? Introducing negative calorie soda! also new double negative calorie sodas, which aren’t not worse for you than regular soda.

pushinghoops remember that time your mom totally owned you by bringing you to this earth lmao should’ve seen your face

thispartyislame All the women who independent yeah hi can I borrow some money

mzeld Ten years ago we had jobs, hope, cash and acne. Now we have no jobs no hope no cash but we still have acne.

treywafer  Life has taught me two things: 1) I suck at math 4) I have a bad memory 6) I suck at math

usedwigs  Prom season still gives me anxiety, brings back stressful memories of trying to finish sewing my wizard costume in time.

trumpetcake The quickest way to my heart is through my stomach because that’s where I had the zipper installed.

theblowout literally everything before bros

Ameiam Bad News: Just got dog poop on my hand. Good News: I didn’t face palm myself in response… again.

thispartyislame Red bull gives you wings. Also heart palpitations & seizures & you could die if you drink too much. But yay wings!

josephesque I hate your face because you’re ugly. (I’m not sexist, I’m sexyist.)

dubouchet My tweeting has been shitty lately, but I plan on rectumfying that. <—STARTING RIGHT THERE #NFLDraft2013 #IronMan3 #WheatThins

ProfessorSnack Some days I get sad thinking about all the time that passed before you got to enjoy reading my thoughts.

MommyMG Someone posted a picture titled “True Happiness” and I was genuinely confused when I clicked and it wasn’t a picture of cake.

WilliamAder Sometimes I’m just starring you because you managed to compose a complete sentence.

ProfessorSnack A romantic evening threw up on my lawn. Or as some people call it, Cherry Blossom season.

omg_youguys “I ate the bones!” Translation: “I am a glutton who shoves food down my throat so fast I don’t notice major components have been removed”

MagpieLibrarian This tweet is coming from inside your butt.

lifeserial Make yourself completely unrecognizable with makeup. Yeah, that’s hot.

QuinnK Just saw a sign that said “SWEAT IS FAT CRYING” and now I feel like I need to go hug my fat and apologize for that time I exercised once.

loather  nothing tastes as good as skinny feels except for EVERYTHING OH MY GOD

badbanana Happy Arbor Day, everyone. Please drink responsibly.

pang Having failed to locate a device that hasn’t yet read 10 free articles on the NYT this month, currently browsing the Times on my Playstation

mikeysny The “you may fight and you may die” Braveheart speech not effective for inspiring the T-Ball team I coach.

rikpayne It’s a shame rabbits have no clue they’re the benchmark for high speed fucking.

johnmoe Do you know from what substance Kelly Ripa is carved? Because I think it’s hard white cheese dipped in a high-grade plastic polymer.

DamienFahey I didn’t watch the NFL Draft but I assume it was a big night for huge ugly ties.

prodigalsam Surprised Hoarders hasn’t done an episode on the fast food wrappers in my car.

Unirregardless The Neverending Story is that there’s always more laundry to do.

KevinFarzad Before college I didn’t have a degree, or money, or any idea what I was doing with my life. But NOW I have a degree.

josephesque I hope I was the result of good sex. Not just a quickie or something.

Stella1070 Garbageman, don’t judge me by all the empty cookie packages. Judge me by the 2 unopened bags of spinach

morninggloria It was originally called the George W. Bush Presidential Li-barry.

prodigalsam “Puttin’ on the Ritz” is probably my favorite song about the ritz being put on.

PolyesterPony The plumber has been here so long I think we’re common law now.

MassageByTed From now on I’m signing all contracts and checks “Love, Adam.”

MassageByTed I want a crone in the streets and Crohn’s in the sheets.

robdelaney Always have a fake name at the ready so you don’t tell the cops something stupid, like “Andrew Granola.”

iboudreau It’ll be fun to watch @billclinton go through that awkward early Twitter phase where he’s linking to two-year-old cat memes.

mrpilkington I’m pretty sure Facebook has disconnected me from more people than its connected me to.

mitdasein Folgers gonna folge.

yoyoha I like to keep my friends close, my enemies closer, and my phone closest.

kellyasterisk Just looking to share my life/a dropbox folder with someone cool

VestaTot I’ve got 99 problems and 76 of them are trombones.

introvertedwife  You know what’s scary about a person who’s a little different than you? Nothing. Unless they’re your clone with a goatee.

PYWL Twittercide is for cowards. Retweet Kim Kardashian and Snooki until you are back at zero followers, and go out with honor.

biorhythmist Girl are you a tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because I want to bang you on the counter.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Interested in being a guest photographer? Email me! 

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