I took these photos at my friend Ellen’s family’s ranch while we celebrated her baby shower. Any moment now her second son, Luke, will be joining us.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

J__Swift  SPOILER ALERT: don’t leave milk out overnight.

dubouchet  My iPhone: “But sir, we’ve only got 17% power!” Me: “…load up PornHub. We can do this.”

rikpayne  I’m going nuclear with this cold I’m fighting. About to snort a rail of Vick’s VapoRub.

mocoddle  Occam’s Raisin: the sweetest explanation is usually correct.

josephesque  Plaid is camouflage in Portland.

marlespo  9yo: Happy Day you screamed for 6 hours straight. Me: Happy Birthday to you too.

marlespo  Probably gonna play Candy Crush Saga until I can eliminate all the desire from my heart and get eyeball diabetes.

theleanover  My new social media project is called Pain Mountain. All related posts are called “climbs.” Together we will all climb Pain Mountain.

jonlovett IS HILLARY RUNNING OR USING THE ELLIPTICAL AND MAYBE SOME FREE WEIGHTS

BridgetCallahan  What I’m supposed to use FB for: keeping in touch with friends. Actual use: discreetly looking up your name while I pretend to text.

7shores  @exlibris Kickstarter? RT @heyitsIsobel: I want a pet llama.

Katecake  Dudes. Someone was putting FULL SIZE Cadbury Eggs into the eggs for the egg hunt at church. I have four kids. #SCORE

PolyesterPony  It’s not you, I currently suck on three social networks.

DarlingMonsters  Someone set my toddlers to caps lock.

DamienFahey  “Gay people are people…APRIL FOOLS! This is somehow going to take a while.” – Supreme Court

JettSuperior  Because I am distractable, I’ve had hair dye on my head for two hours now. Because I’m classy, it has been covered with a Piggly Wiggly bag.

michaeljnelson  The Host: Stephenie Meyer lets the world know it wasn’t a fluke — she really can bring the suck.

QuinnK  If you pretend every post on Facebook is an April Fool’s Day joke it makes you hate everyone slightly less.

eocnnor  You can’t play the Village People and then Prince and not expect the dance floor to get torn up. #science

thebookpolice  Make bacon in a house with a cat, and you’ll have a cat that smells like bacon for the rest of the day, and you will own the internet.

slackmistress  Not gonna be the kind of loser who’s on Twitter at 9:26pm on a Friday. Gonna be the kind of loser who goes to bed at 9:26pm on a Friday.

hipstermermaid  Twitter is just texting the universe

BuzzFeedAndrew  Once you realize all of Kim Jung-un’s recent actions come after receiving counsel from Dennis Rodman it makes a lot more sense.

buttplanet  they say a man was killed in this very Mattress Warehouse. on the anniversary of his death, his spirit returns to provide unbeatable deals

smonkyou  Just heard “you don’t have to put cheese in the fridge it’s not a corpse” so cheese eaters put corpses in the fridge.

mrpilkington  Weeeeeeee! Badgers! Side note: should not have had that late cup of coffee.

prodigalsam  “Every bunny have a hoppy Easter!” – people I’d like to gently hit with my car

shariv67  Thanks to all the Easter candy, the only one desperately trying to get into my pants this weekend will be me.

tomabrady  I’m less impressed by a team of doctors than I am by a guy who can start a pick up basketball game with strangers.

PolyesterPony  All I’ve had to eat today is sugar and caffeine and I AM A JOY TO BE AROUND.

mypetshadow  At some point, “symptoms” become “hobbies.”

BoobsRadley  “Why sure I buy Ryan Gosling as a carny,” said the person who owns a movie where Drew Barrymore helps Da Vinci invent flight.

mitdasein  Make current events fun! Next time you hear that Congress is “deadlocked,” pretend the reporter said “dreadlocked.”

Pauly_Miller  When I was little I actually thought riding in elevators was fun. Now it’s like the socially awkward Olympics.

bumlaser  HERO STANCE*. *fetal position behind sofa

MeganNeuringer  my butt is my greatest asset.

PinterestFake  Put a cake pop you-know-where and then pack it into hubby’s lunch in the morning. <3

introvertedwife  I understand each of the words in “fat free turkey bacon” but that phrase makes no sense.

thereverendcink  I just ate a chicken and egg breakfast bowl… I didn’t know where to start.

lanyardtwerk  Did you know you can call a cat a buttsniffer with total impunity? It’s not even an insult in their culture!

thebobbieoliver  People who think that same sex marriage will lead to marrying a goat should not be allowed at petting zoos

theleanover  Snickers bars are 250 calories each which means I only need to eat 10 a day to maintain a healthy diet.

brandy29  Even I don’t have time for this, and I have all kinds of time.

mitdasein  Ambergris #BadLunchboxThemes

Caissie  Karen Carpenter #BadLunchboxThemes

timeblimp  The Oxford Comma #BadLunchboxThemes

NotMattBellamy  “Know Your Toxic Plants”#BadLunchboxThemes

InfiniteChicken  The Films of Lars von Trier #BadLunchboxThemes

InfiniteChicken  Signing of the Magna Carta #BadLunchboxThemes

snarkmonger  The Assassination of Tupac #BadLunchboxThemes

abbytron  Pooping is my anti-drug.

tommycm  i have an idea that will revolutionise publishing: LASERBOOKS. #laserbooks

MmeSurly  this church sign says “celebrate a risen lord on sunday” so I guess I get to pick?

shinyinfo I’ve got my window down in my car! Granted I’m at a taco bell drive thru but still. #SpringIsSpringing

debenham  Need a hip-hop lyric to exemplify the renewed sense of ‘swagger’ one feels when slipping one’s aching feet into a pair of Earth shoes.

slackmistress  Twitter is like getting affirmation from the drunk parents I always wanted as opposed to the drunk parents I actually had.

Katecake  What’s it called when you tweet about something happening on FB? Sub-Booking? I’m about to do that.

kelkulus  Idea for missionaries in Africa: edible bibles.

prodigalsam “You shall not pass!” – Gandalf, world’s worst basketball coach

michaeljnelson Bonus plans for old age: Kleenex boxes displayed in rear window of car

apodixis Having your e-mail account hacked is a great way to reconnect with all your ex-girlfriends!

michaeljnelson More plans for old age: talc genitals in health club common areas

billyeichner I’m hate-watching Dora the Explorer.

annetdonahue More sirens in remixes please, DJs!

mypetshadow If you sit on a sofa and hear a growl and then something eats you, you probably accidentally sat on some sort of predator instead.

TheDairylandDon Having one of those mornings where I’m kinda paranoid everything’s a Transformer.

VaguelyFunnyDan I catfished several banks into thinking I would eventually repay their student loans.

wordlust God talks to me. Why can’t he text like a normal person?

michaeljnelson Reading Moby Dick and just came across the “Stubb’s Whale” section. I assume Stubbs Whale was also a 70’s bass player with a huge mustache?

pelicansado always have a plan in place in the event nothing happens

LouisPeitzman Just ate a cup of Skinny Cow ice cream, and now I’m lactating.

wordlust You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you realize you had a terrible health teacher.

hipstermermaid I think I have more online passwords than friends.

VioletThunk Ask your doctor if self-medicating with Breyers is right for you.

AccidentalOly ADAM: I won’t be home for dinner. ME: WHOOOOO HOOOO! Vampire Diaries marathon! See also: my life is embarrassing

wordlust I’m joined at the hip with my pelvis.

swonderful It’s midnight and I just left a review on the Target site so other people would know that dress runs small. I’m doing so many things wrong.

DadBeard Guys, while I sleep, round me up a group of mercenaries. I got a thing to do tomorrow.

prodigalsam You know who would make an incredible backup singer for Sigur Ros? Whales.

rrstevens I had a fromage a trois once in college. It was really melty.

brendonwalsh Just upgraded my smartphone to a saxophone :(

mzeld I lose feeling in my lower extremities like everyone else: one leg at a time.

leslid79 I’m really disappointed in myself. I honestly thought I’d have a nemesis by now.

pauleggleston If you fan a smoking jacket it will turn into a blazer.

Sundry Stay tuned for my sure to be best-selling fitness DVD, If It’s Time for Abs, It’s Time for a Cat Butt To Rest Gently On Your Face.

prodigalsam “Back that Mac up.” – Juvenile backing up his computer

wordlust I’m a self-taught dumbass.

gnp I’d like to continue this lecture, but I just lost feeling in my hands. *Drops mic*

GDRPempress Whoa. I thought those Dr Seuss swimmy captcha letters were a trip. Try putting the sound on. Like something from Hunter S. Thompson

markleggett Today I got up at 4:30am, just to drive my girlfriend to work. That’s love (I complained the whole time).

PinterestFake Dang ol’ mason jars done it again *picture of mason jar with candy in it this time*

pushinghoops “your body def needs an otterbox” – my sister

josephesque Wiener dogs. Hehe

jerryrenek I think it would be easier to kill a man than to stop eating a package of Chips Ahoy.

Brentweets Why is Taco Bell open at 10 am on Monday? Who would possibly be drunk then? In other news I just went to Taco Bell.

klingonsRkewl  One step forward, twelve steps back. Lapping yourself backwards.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.