Follow Friday – Vintage Dishware

1 Mar

Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

laurenmcneil I give away a thousand pencils every day, which means there are 2 explanations: kids are eating pencils or hiding them in their butts

DadBeard LITTLE KNOWN FACT: ‘Cthulhu’ is pronounced ‘Devon’.

desi_DaVinci Behind every confusing thing, there is some idiot.

donni Making vacuum cleaners obsolete with my newest invention, the Vacuum Cleanest.

MrWordsWorth Talk to your doctor about why ads want you to talk to your doctor.

SarcasticRover “Physicists Say Spider-Man’s Web Could Stop Train” – which is the newspaper way to say that some physicists got bored.

slackmistress If stars are just like us Charlize Theron is yelling at her dog to stop rubbing its ass on everything.

introvertedwife Some people are only in it for the money. Specifically all those people that need to eat and live inside a dwelling.

willgoldstein Related: I either have an ear infection or hearing damage from the non-stop noise my children make.

apodixis No, Huffington Post, I do NOT want to share that I just watched your “The Year in Sideboob” slideshow on Facebook.

InfinitelyJeff @marlespo I’m guessing you like your men the same way you like your coffee, ground up and then boiled.

J__Swift Million-dollar idea: cat treats with sedatives to give kitty at night.

andrewmorrisey And that was how I learned the difference between sex acts and sex ax.

sbellelauren i make the best depressed list every year!

pizznazz #ThingsGirlsLike not being drowned in spiders

FoxMe Just misread part of a headline, “End Racial Oppression” as “End Rachel Oppression,” and was like… “YES! Finally.”

VaguelyFunnyDan Revamping my resume. Is “thinking every plane is about to crash” a special skill?

spizznazz #EarthDay idea; 1.launch landfills into space 2.construct Trash Moon 3.deport all bugs raccoons & possums to Trash Moon #nature #trashmoon

christianduguay The Pep Boys look very unhelpful. One of them looks terrifying.

Pinboard Google Glass: a Segway For Your Face™

danforthfrance At 1:00am, my cat’s brain came up with a to-do list and SHE’S CROSSING OFF EVERYTHING RIGHT THIS SECOND.

Drangula Don’t go to clown college expecting children to fear you the very first day.

Jedimasterbator The Internet Invented Al Gore #FiveWordTEDTalks

Jedimasterbator Cancellation Of Arrested Development Explained #FiveWordTEDTalks

InfiniteChicken Seriously. Guys. Come on. Ok. #FiveWordTEDTalks

joshacagan Look under your seat. Puppies! #FiveWordTEDTalks

apelad I forgot my slide show. #FiveWordTEDTalks

mat Ask me why I’m handsome #FiveWordTEDTalks

Mike_FTW Made sense at Burning Man. #FiveWordTEDTalks

7im Go with duck-sized horses #FiveWordTEDTalks

Glinner I Have Lost My Keys #FiveWordTEDTalks

rstevens I can explain no jetpacks. #FiveWordTEDTalks

anamariecox No pants is the new pants #FiveWordTEDTalks

thedailymarker Beware of feather-filled jackets. I’ve been walking around all afternoon with feathers stuck on my ass. Thank god this is normal in SF.

netmeg If only all these spammers understood that for me, “magic in the bedroom” means finally getting a good night’s sleep.

BtotheD SOYLENT GREEN IS HORSE MEAT!

Katecake 2yo told me to “Get out of my voice.” When I figure out what that means I’ll definitely do that.

fuzzytypewriter There are few things so dear to me as a Dateline or 48 Hours rerun I’ve never seen before.

biorhythmist “I hope this works” is a romantic thing to whisper during sex.

louisvirtel If Meryl Streep is still trending by morning, winter’s over.

redherringbear Waiter, this revenge is lukewarm.

runawaycupcake You must have a glint of madness in your eyes if you are going to be a truly excellent sign twirler.

adamthislife You could say I’m somewhat of a blanket connoisseur.

theleanover I’m both the tallest and fattest man on my plane. #humblebrag

Handflapper I just stepped in the dogs’ water dish. With both feet. Be sure to tell your friends and relations how awesome I am.

JRehling I will never subtweet, unlike some people.

jberthume The plan is working. MT @NASA: Maybe we can help you with that. RT @justinbieber: I wanna do a concert in space

marlespo my gravestone will read “ran out of 1ups”

sarcasmically Is it wrong that I just want my son to be a little more sad about being grounded? He’s smiling, practicing Napoleon Dynamite dance moves.

sbellelauren i’m eating for 2! i’m not pregnant but man why wait.

runawaycupcake If you enjoy the sounds of a cat throwing herself against the bathroom door while you’re trying to poop, I’ve got the bathroom for you!

DinkMagic pretty much every girl in the 80s had a weird porcelain mask on their bedroom wall with gold leaf and ribbons & no one ever talks about it.

biorhythmist omg this bowl of dicks is DELICIOUS

markleggett At the pearly gates, Saint Peter scrolls through your Twitter archive. “Wow, you sure loved having one-way conversations with celebrities!”

ghweldon There are dog people, and there are cat people. Also, werewolves.

Bagyants They said I could be anything, so I became a fence – people with barb wire tattoos.

sgnp My wife and I just improvised readings of found civil war letters over the soundtrack to the game Journey. #Marriage

Leemanish 100% All-Brad #RejectedCereals

Caissie Cap’n Crotch #RejectedCereals

lizzwinstead Hex #RejectedCereals

kumailn Dingleberry Crunch #RejectedCereals

lizzwinstead Lindsay Grahams #RejectedCereals

Dschnoeb Honey Bunches of Goats #RejectedCereals

TuckOnThis Raisin Brain #RejectedCereals

curlycomedy Fruit Poops #RejectedCereals

BertSwattermain Special KKK #RejectedCereals

Gamiliell  Ape Nuts #RejectedCereals

asterios hey if eating a king sized bag of sour patch soft and chewy watermelons is wrong, then i’m so, so sorry, god, please forgive me.

JRehling I hate it when negative people complain about Monday. Let’s be honest, the other six days suck, too.

DBagChopra In my stillness I am the eternal possibility. In my movement I am a swirling cosmos. In my shower I’m the next American Idol.

NekoCase I woke up this morning and Gangnam Style was gone. Just gone, no note or nothin’.

LetMeStart The long beaded necklace she made me in Kindergarten today was a sweet gift until she put it on me and said it was my leash.

introvertedwife I was hacked! That’s why my past 80,000 or so tweets have been so boring.

slackmistress US files civil fraud case against Lance Armstrong to remind South Africa that we’re #1 when it comes to disgraced athletes.

iboudreau “GHOSTS, IF YOU ARE HERE, TOUCH MY IPAD AND PLAY SOME ANGRY BIRDS.” #ghosthunters

pushinghoops is a sext via fax called a sax? anyways hit me up for life advice

quantumpotpie I dream one day humanity will become sufficiently advanced to make a Fremen stillsuit that continually processes waste water into bourbon.

michael_J_m00n I just tested positive for disgusting.

WilliamAder I’m on vacation this week and my wife is out of town, so I boiled a dozen eggs today to get all the cooking over and done with.

Angel__Bee Peek a boo seems like an awfully cruel game. Who am I to prance around flaunting my understanding of object permanence?

boom_goes_the I’m just thankful that nobody on Twitter is depressing or anything.

Stella1070 Dear Beauty Blog editor, will this dark spot eraser work on my soul?

discountzen Him: what are you doing? Me: IT’S CALLED EXTREME DECOMPRESSION!!! IM RELAXING AS HARD AS I FUCKING CAN!!!!

TheDairylandDon Sir Elton John looks more and more like Rowlf every time I see him.

prodigalsam “Jar Jar Binks is my favorite!” – the boy who used to be my son

FlyoverJoel A 24 ounce can of Mountain Dew is a pretty big commitment to being a single.

markleggett Woke up this morning feeling very powerful. I felt like I could almost lift my entire body out of bed.

MeganNeuringer spent the morning milking a cow only to discover cows have more than 1 udder oh gross i jerked off a very ugly man.

laurenmcneil done some weird shit during sex: cried, said I love you, ordered pizza, cited from the Norton Anthology, cough attack, too many yawns

LindseyHerin My signature scent is eau de please god don’t notice I didn’t shower today

Stella1070 I am an intellectual, My tv viewing consists of educational programs & documentaries, such as Dog with a Blog.

wordlust Do the haters and the trolls go to the same professional conferences?

BridgetCallahan There’s nothing like 90 minutes sleep, a hickey, & a concussion from a car door to make you feel like, yeah, you’re a child of the universe

NicLewis We need background checks before using a scanner to keep people from creating 10-page PDFs that take up 18MB.

tweet of the week

VaguelyFunnyDan Convinced my kids that they’re adopted. They cried a bit, but once I explained their birth parents were LeBron James & a unicorn they lit up.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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