Thrift Store Gore: Disturbing Santas

 It’s that time again! Time when I show you the most disturbing thrift store finds, also known as Thrift Store Gore. Today’s edition focuses almost exclusively on the weird, and occasionally disturbing, images of Santa.

The first two I sort of stumbled on when I was digging through a bin marked “miscellaneous xmas.” Perhaps it should have been marked “Miscellaneous XXXmas,” because I feel like I barged in on this pair while they were up to being naughty. Uh, sorry Santa. And Santa.

This Santa clearly confused a black hole with somebody’s chimney.

When we saw this in the thrift store, Isobel kept walking around and around it. “Where’s Santa’s face? Where’s Santa’s face?!” she cried in alarm. I hope this one doesn’t give her nightmares.

Is it me, or does this angel have a black eye? I imagine he has a hoarse, tough-as-nails New York accent.  “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal! May the  blessed infant bless youse guys with peace.”

Not a whole lot of disturbingness going on with this guy (aside from his nose. Apparently Santa is a raging alcoholic?) But then you notice he is a candle, and as this candle burns Santa’s visage is going to melt. Face first.

Isobel pointed this one out to me. “Look! Santa’s sitting on the potty!” Kid, I think you have a future in spotting thrift store gore.

This is one of the weirder Santas I found, and that was before I looked very carefully. Psst! Santa! You have something on your face! I think it’s testicles.

Two words: Cartman Santa. Now you can never unsee that.

The blue eyes on this guy make me think Santa has a very special gift to give this year. “Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, children! Santa has brought you… the spice!”

Toward the end of our thrifting trip Stefanie told me she wanted to show me something special. She found Frosty the Snowman! But just the head.

We also found this Christmas duck (goose?) wearing a Santa hat. I thought this was strange because usually when you think of a Christmas goose (duck?) you think of one roasted on a platter. But apparently someone liked their water fowl enough to emblazon their image on a corduroy vest.

Until next time, happy thrifting!

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