Follow Friday – Gingerbread House

Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

BadJokeCat How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

inversejaik “Never share a password with… even a supervisor.” Guess DIE+BOSSnH3LL is safe

Angel__Bee Matt: “Today’s Mommy’s birthday – what do we say?” Allie: “Mommy, you’re OLD.” Clearly they’ve been practicing this.

michael_J_m00n Dr. Scholl is my arch enemy.

zacharyflynn Is “subtweet” short for “subpartweet” because if so, i do that a lot.

asterios Possible Sign Of Depression: You pound on the locked doors of a Froyo place at 12:03 AM, screaming, “YOU’RE ALL I HAVE LEFT.”

apelad “The Rhythm is Gonna Getcha” was originally a chant Gloria Estefan and her friends would recite into a mirror in a pitch black room.

theleanover Please stop making John Mayer “Wonderland” jokes; he has many other songs designed for the purpose of being mocked.

LisaMcIntire Oh nothing, just searching YouTube for “whooping cough” to diagnose my downstairs neighbor.

muffpunch Okay, the hobos are covering “I wanna dance with somebody” and I kinda love it.

InfiniteChicken Hope you guys will subscribe to my podcast, ‘Grown Man Attempting To Belch “Carol Of The Bells” For 56 Minutes.’

DadBeard The Young Tuber, Ceremonially Cut And Anointed With Scalding Oil; Doused In Emulsified Proteins. These Are The Frites de Passage.

samanthajcampen I’ll tell you what, ten peanut butter chocolate covered pretzel bites is four too many. I see that now.

sglassmeyer When reporter asks me what I’m going to do with my powerball winnings, I’m going to look into camera and say “vengeance upon my enemies.”

JRehling I remember simpler times, when there was no Internet, and people talked to their neighbors, and the Soviet Union had 30,000 nuclear weapons.

TwoAdults Best thing spotted yet today: man at a bus stop in a lucha libre mask.

MassageByTed “Sometimes you might get a nosebleed in a place you didn’t even know you had a nose!” — Slide 9 of my birds-and-bees PowerPoint.

guiltysquid Insomnia is like that guy you can’t get to go home when you really want him to leave.

DrMaldoror  Queer Eye for the Uruk-Hai #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

rockskimmer Moria Povich #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

4ndyman Shadowfax of Life #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

rockskimmer The Underhills #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

WarrenPeas64 Mordor, She Wrote #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

markm1962 Desperate Entwives #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

4ndyman Knight Stryder #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

WarrenPeas64 Two Men and a Halfling #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

MyVogonPoetry How I met your Mordor. #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

MyVogonPoetry American Sméagol #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

MyVogonPoetry Two Half Men #IfTheHobbitsRanTV

WilliamAder I keep a change of pants in the kitchen, for those times the biscuit can pops open before I’ve pressed it with a spoon.


jennyvsjenny dang i used up all my capital letters and its only 11:12 am oh well no regrets

kelkulus The world will end in 2012, because that’s the ONLY explanation why the Mayans didn’t make a calendar for dates 1,700 years in the future.

DamienFahey This season of Homeland isn’t realistic because there’s a room full of computer screens and not one person’s been caught checking Twitter.

markleggett Check out my James Bond fan fiction: “James Bond has sex with Judi Dench.” That’s it.

Molly_Kats It’s not a shower if 64% of your body isn’t covered in first degree burns.

robdelaney Just thought I caught my wife looking at porn; turns out she was shopping for underwear for herself. What a fucking pervert.

joshjs My superpower is making taco dip disappear.

darinlovesbacon “Is he a zombie? Is she a zombie? Is that guy a zombie? Now why isn’t he a zombie?” ~ My Mom watching The Walking Dead.

thriftynerd Went to the doctor today to get a routine check up. Barely got to 2nd base. Thanks for nothing doc.

The_Samburglar If you see my intensity significantly increase when I’m at the gym it’s because an embarrassing song I love just started.

seanbonner OH “was just strolling down memory lane… turns out memory lane cuts through a really bad neighborhood.”

palinode Beyonce is directing and exec producing her own documentary on HBO. After that she will drink the oceans and crush the moon in her hands.

MassageByTed Let’s not kid ourselves. All eating is competitive.

somebutton Having ‘Gangnam style’ play at my mostly seniors Zumba class this morning was pretty much the best way ever to start my week.

PolyesterPony Waiting for the repair man. Not as sexy as it sounds.

Brianhopecomedy My 1 year old said YOLO. She might have been asking for yogurt but just to be safe I put her in a Time-out.

KeAnne Is this year the year we petition Eminem for that holiday album?

Athenabee What makes a purse cost $528? Does it come with $500 in it?

DBagChopra I’m quantum-entangled and I can’t get up! DBiddy in the Twizzouse!

slackmistress Happy Cyber Monday! A/S/L?

weinerdog4life Coming up on Food Network: 7:00 Talkin’ Bout Carrots 8:00 Butter with Jim 9:00 CSI:Avocado But NEXT: Watching Old People Eat!

theleanover I think I wrote about a solid 75 seconds of my stand-up act; basically I get on stage, introduce myself and ask everyone to say their name.

Paulverhoeven UGH Tom Bombadil more like Tom BombaDONT

 hipstermermaid I don’t really want friends, but I do want someone around to instagram me doing cool things. Modernity is hard.

KimLiving My kids every day “I AM IN A VEHICLE WITH NO ACCESS TO WATER AND WILL SOON DIE AS A RESULT! Oh? We’re home? I’m not thirsty now.”

kelkulus I asked the cashier if she could validate my parking. “You park real good,” she said.

dannyhurwitz Taking a poll: How many dads walked out of Life of Pi and said “I give it 3.14 stars”?

rare_basement “time to obsessively check what this person i hate is doing today so i can get angry some more” – healthy people

jenstatsky Just got my medical marijuana card! (Punch card from White Castle.)

shinyinfo Christmas is where we celebrate the Baby Jesus, or Young Jeezy as he’s known in my house. #iamtheonlyonewholivesinmyhouse

wordlust I wasn’t Instagrammed enough as a child.

hidingfromme Taking the last of the guests to the airport today. I don’t give a fuck that their flight isn’t until tomorrow.

neiltyson Y’all should know by now that if the World were going to end for any cosmic reason, I’d tell you how and I’d tell you when.

eliyudin “Yo, I think that plane is broken.” – Vin Diesel seeing someone ride a bicycle #VinDieselSunday

Leemanish “I should TOTALLY audition for this.” –Vin Diesel, reading the assembly instructions for a nightstand #VinDieselSunday

rachelhastings “Yo, this fridge is hard” – Vin Diesel trying to open a safe #VinDieselSunday

gavinspeiller “That way you don’t have to use your hands.”- Vin Diesel appreciating cups #VinDieselSunday

DuncanIdunno “Yo I think that this telescope is broken” -Vin encountering his first saxophone #VinDieselSunday

bengoobers “Sorry, tiny dinosaur” -Vin Diesel carving a turkey #VinDieselSunday

Rainey_Fleming “Yo, those babies hate jewelry.” – Vin Diesel watching Lord of the Rings #VinDieselSunday

boring_as_heck “Yo, that dude is sleeping through his own birthday party.” – Vin Diesel at a funeral #VinDieselSunday

kelkulus Life of Pi — the good news: it’s not about math. The bad news: it’s not about pie.

TheChrisAngel Get out of bed or poop myself? Suddenly I understand Sophie’s Choice.

theleanover You could make up a sports team and I’d probably believe you that it was real.

jenstatsky Every other song this pizzeria has played is a Billy Joel song. Very strict adherence to pizzeria guidelines.

davidhoang Every pizza is a personal pizza if you really believe in yourself.

robdelaney My 2 favorite carpenters of all time are definitely Our Saviour Lord Jesus Christ & my neighbor Kevin who lets me use his pool.

introvertedwife Still trying to decide if I should pull down my spiderwebs or have a holly jolly spider christmas.

thriftynerd R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet is literally R. Kelly singing fanfic about R. Kelly #RKelly

highlyirritable Using my iPhone with no case, no cover. It’s like having unprotected sex for the first time.

danforthfrance Air guitaring to “Run Run Rudolph” because I’m white and alone and that’s what we do, folks.

estibrennan PSA: One of the biggest causes of emotional regression at family holidays is the use of leftover hair products from high school.

PolyesterPony There should be a hand signal introverts could give when they haven’t spoken to anyone in 24 hours and we need you to slow the fuck down.

Leemanish “Allegedly!” is a good catch-all response to any statement.

mikeleffingwell My daughter just reminded my wife that she used to poop inside her

badbanana What’s a good app for interacting with my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table?

paleofuture “Like Cars only with trains, I guess.” – my pitch meeting at Pixar

ProfessorSnack In a Facebook chat, I just had a callback to another person’s tweet. That’s like a triple word score, right?

alwysabridesmd I really like the word “malfeasance.” If I ever commit a crime I’ll pick that.

badbanana The 10:30 session “How to Get Out of Meetings” has been canceled.

theneener Thinking about starting a video series called “Cooking with Nina” that would basically be me chopping vegetables slowly for half an hour.

librarianfonz Spoiler alert: “50 Shades of Grey” isn’t a how-to book on choosing paint colours. Again, sorry grandma.

heyitsIsobel I just went poo poo in the potty! I LOVE AMERICA!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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