Here are some old photos of baby Squirrelly when he was still our sweet little ball of fluff who still occasionally fell over when walking across the room. Awwww.
Have a great weekend!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
grantpa “You, sir, are a lightsaber.” “haha you mean life saver?” “No. I’m on acid. You are a lightsaber.”
purple_quark Tomorrow off to “dinner at the beach”…it’s a work thing…but no idea how that works? Tables? sports coat? Dolphins?
Pinboard creating a space where the threads of each individual journey combine to weave a tapestry of mutual growth: not on my watch
paulapoundstone Although I am an atheist, I believe that just before you die you understand what a derivative is.
J__Swift Man, my new satin sheets are slick, literally! IN YOUR FACE MISUSERS OF THE TERM “LITERALLY”!
GreenishDuck A good gag to play on your kids if you’re on your deathbed: Hand them a map with a bunch of random circles drawn on it and then just die.
markleggett Just remembered that I have cheese at home. So what the fuck am I doing sitting here at work? Oh yeah, working for cheese money…
maggiesox Seriously, you guys, I can’t stress enough how much I would break every bone in my body pole-vaulting.
JerryThomas The Olympics is the single greatest sporting event with a Venn diagram for a logo.
ScrewyDecimal I might order from the local Mexican-food delivery place if, instead of MILLIONS OF MENUS, they slipped free tacos under my door.
theleanover I’m wearing tights and a Batman cowl to this screening of Moonrise Kingdom.
Adar79Angie I’m sorry, call me old fashioned, but I think shorts should be longer than your vagina.
jimhigdon Going to war for 10 years and then drifting about the Mediterranean for another 10. #OldWorldProblems
cszabla The Huns.#OldWorldProblems
ShitGermansSay Archdukes not keepin it real.#OldWorldProblems
sarahjeanious I can’t read.#OldWorldProblems
lowdudgeon Angry villagers with their torches and tumbrils all up in my grill.#OldWorldProblems
psychopoesie the vapours set off miasma.#OldWorldProblems
yoyology This scriptorium takes MONTHS to make enough copies of ONE TWEET to send to my followers.#OldWorldProblems
sbellelauren trickle down economics: when you look at your bank account & pee your pants
marlespo True story: my brother just walked in on me stabbing a piece of frozen chocolate with a spoon.
BeingMama Never underestimate the power of freshly baked bread.
FREE_FACTS In reality, unicorns are extremely violent
torgospizza Realized I’ve seen too many Gordon Ramsay shows when I called my oatmeal “dreadful.”
biorhythmist Great, now Martians have Instagram.
apodixis So excited about the Mars mission! Next we should send a rover to explore Mitt Romney.
NoogsCorner It’s all fun and games until we get a “SKYNET ONLINE” transmission from Curiosity.
MKHDDLSTN Dear Religion, While you were debating what chicken sandwiches were okay to eat, I just landed on Mars. Sincerely, Your Pal Science
kellybranan Congratulations NASA. Way to stick the landing!
VirginiaCorbett NASA WINS THE SUPERBOWL! NASA!!
dannyBstyle I don’t know much about science but I’m pretty sure we couldn’t have done it without Mohawk Guy.
ProfessorSnack 1 NASA tech is playing minesweeper. The rest are updating their Facebook status and dating site profiles.
jillgengler How am I supposed to know which scientists and engineers to root for without overproduced segments about overcoming hardship?
J__Swift Watching the end fight scene of Star Wars is just like when I saw it in the theater 35 years ago! I really have to pee BAD!
markleggett Once safely on Mars, the rover will activate it’s camera, aim it back at itself, and proceed to upload robo-duckface self-pics to Instagram.
JulieFredericks Watching the NASA channel. Confused. Why aren’t they wearing white short-sleeved shirts, ties and horn-rimmed glasses?And no one’s smoking.
giromide Radio signals take fourteen minutes to reach Earth from Mars, significantly faster than NBC’s transmissions from London to North America.
NotMattBellamy Steps 1022-4) Take 360° pic; Instagram it (to really bring out the reds); Send to NASA. #MarsRoverLandingSteps
phantomxii Step 257). Little to the left. Little to the left. Little to the left. Little to the left. Right. RIGHT. Fuck.#MarsRoverLandingSteps
timeblimp Step 1). Deploy parachute Step 2). Lighted candle burns through twine, triggering pistol to fire.#MarsRoverLandingSteps
wordlust Baby, you must be an angel, because you look and smell like some kind of horrifying animal-human hybrid.
LAStylistMom There is not enough money on the planet to get me to play beach volleyball, in a bikini, on TV, in front of the entire world.
kelkulus Really nervous about “seven minutes of terror” happening in an hour. And once the sex is over, I’ll check out that Mars rover thing.
johnmoe Given what we now know about NBC, isn’t it at least possible that Friends was filmed in the 1940s?
johnmoe No one tell me how the Mars Rover landing goes! I’m watching next Thursday’s coverage on NBC!
jillsmo Holy shit, have you guys seen the Man vs. Food dude lately? Food has DEFINITELY won.
TheDweck Weird that we have the technology to help a double-amputee run in the Olympics but can’t make a running suit that hides their ding dong.
VaguelyFunnyDan I’ve opened a Choose Your Own Adventure hotel. There are two room 418s. In one there’s a king size bed. In the other? A hobgoblin assassin.
Molly_Kats The sharp bed corner hiding under my comforter is my shin’s nemesis
The_BookishType When people get upset over winning silver at the Olympics it’s kind of like “jesus I can barely walk in a straight line, calm down”
corrinrenee At least Mckayla Maroney can stick her bitch face.
BeingMama When you find yourself googling the difference between a kaftan and a muumuu, it’s time to step away from the computer.
apodixis Guns don’t kill people! They just make it way easier for people to kill people.
mypetshadow It’s not the heat as much as it is the stupidity.
morninggloria I wish there was an emoticon for rolling my eyes and pantomiming like I’m jerking off.
palinode We’re not stuck in NYC. NYC is stuck on us.
Disalmanac Today in 1962, Nelson Mandela was jailed. He wasn’t released until 1990, so he totally missed out on Cabbage Patch Dolls. So sad.
TheJennaBee “Take me by the trough,” she moaned. He undid her fifteen petticoats, and they made love to the rhythm of a mooing cow. #QuakerErotica
keisertroll It was the right thing to do, and the right way to do it. #QuakerErotica
xeyednpainless There was oatmeal everywhere. #QuakerErotica
TinyNietzsche Her gingham dress was opaque, but a bit of ankle later and Daniel’s barn began to raise itself. #QuakerErotica
shariv67 All I really need to be happy is a good book, a sunny day, a hand to hold, a jet pack, a golden Ferrari, immortality and my enemies’ heads.
hipstermermaid Pre-gaming for what’s going to be a crazy Saturday night spent at home on the internet.
Katieannab Husband “Want to eat stuff that’s bad for us and watch Olympians?” #soulmate
joevelouria I’m at that age in dadhood where I no longer think wearing a tank top is gross.
toddx After drinking beer and eating garlic bread in Berkeley, I’m officially calling this area the Yeast Bay.
ac_awesome “What do we want?” “PUNS WITH CAT SOUNDS!” “When do we want it?” “MEOW!”
Disalmanac Today in 1834, John Venn was born. He originally invented the Venn Diagram to show how circles have sex.
annetdonahue May order a pizza so I don’t have to leave the house, so yes, ABSOLUTELY I am entitled to comment on Olympic athletes.
CJVLR We care about swimming and Matthew Perry once every four years.
theleanover I put my hands in the air and accidentally waved them like I care :(
BeTheBoy Whenever I read about NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab I think: “That must be the smartest dog in the world.”
danguterman Some basic comedy principles include the rule of three, something else, and penis.
juliussharpe I’m no good at small talk, just big talk. So… Where’d everything come from?
duplicitron Turns out every meerkat is just one tiny top hat away from becoming mayor.
ClassicMegan Just saw a bunch of people bring in their friend, blindfolded, for a surprise party at Applebee’s. “Surprise, buddy! Your friends hate you!”
matthewbaldwin MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN ONE HOOTIE AND SEVERAL BLOWFISH!!!!
ZakKlaas Wear a red shirt. Call the date an “away mission”. #Dating101
juniparjamsky I would win gold in napping and gassiness.
michaeljnelson Sad. The generation that DOESN’T have multiple photos online of them flashing gang signs & licking a friend’s tongue stud will soon be gone.
louisvirtel My first attempt at sex would make a pretty good uneven bars routine.
svelteassassin Olympic swimming would be more fun to watch if they were called by horse racing announcers.
Disalmanac UPDATE: Every time the British win a gold medal, they play Great Britain’s national anthem: “Yakety Sax.”
daveyp Quick, librarians! Wikipedia is down! Now’s your chance to get people using all those expensive subscription databases!
michelle_angus With all that chalk on your hands, it’s pretty clear you touched your groin, Mr. Gymnast.
daveshumka Bruce Jenner could win another gold medal if the Olympics brought back the staring contest.
HollywoodCrab Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep in.
ProfessorSnack When I was a kid, I thought it was called a “penile institute”. When i became older, prison movies and shows confirmed it.
yoyology He’s really tearing up the dance floor!” -nightclub remodeler’s boss
robdelaney Andy Rooney’s ghost just killed himself. RT @KimKardashian: Life was much more simple when apple & blackberry were just fruits! Lol
donni I keep it real like a bad magician.
SpaghettiJesus Cleverest part of Xmen First Class is how they got the kids to name all the Xmen so it would seem less ridiculous that they name code names.
HonestToddler Toddler Tip: The only way they can hear you is if you hold their face while speaking.
annetdonahue “Imposter? I barely know her!” did not get the laughs I was hoping for during that treason trial.
mishakey I don’t know why serial killers are so hard to find. They all wear the same glasses.
perlapell Sometimes I try out the sexity of my new dance costumes by doing a slow motion jazz walk past the window at Panera.
kellyasterisk If the place you’re going to visit can best be described as, “they have a good demolition derby” then you are doing something right in life
eareeve Started taking my multivitamins again. I missed my weird-colored pee.
cwethern “Please, Mister Spock is my father! Just call me Spock.” – Cool, Fun Spock
julieklausner I have the bridge to Camptown Races stuck in my head, she tweeted erotically
ModernSauce Soul mate requirement: must know lyrics to Positive K’s ‘I Gotta Man’ so we can karaoke together. For role playing purposes.
theleanover Considering recent events I believe it’s time for Men Without Hats to revise their position on it being safe to dance.
impatientchick Worst thing about getting your house burglarized is that now someone in the world knows just how much you doodle your bfs name in notebooks
rstevens NASA and PBS should team up and make a Mars Grover