Today’s post features fireworks from our Fourth of July celebration.

Have a great weekend!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

stevelibrarian I heard that Katie just got fed up with how many ARCs Tom kept taking at ALA.

evilnick I might have been a bit grumpy, but i still dont think there was any need for the Starbuck’s lady to write “DICK” on my cup…

CoatCzech My boss said, “Okie dokie, artichokie” so I stabbed him till he croakied and gave his wife a Facebook pokie.

JerryThomas I do harbor some resentments, but only grudgingly.

steenyweeny beer update: yep.

KellyBawston If you were on a date and she pulled your shirt over your head & punched you yelling, Hockey Fight! Would you call her? Hypothetically?

wordsinmymouth Mosquitos are the original douchebags.

xunglam Youtube: Country star Kenny Chesney performing live from the Jersey Shore! Me: Thanks for the warning.

slackmistress I can’t find a concealer that works. I put it on but I can still see my face. :(

EveryTweet_Ever Wasting space in the Library of Congress.

redsesame WordPress should be easy enough to install after half a bottle of wine. WORLD, CONFORM TO MY DEMANDS

cwethern Was just thinking, “Orginal Trek was better than I remember.” Then, Spock put out an electrical fire by swatting at it with his hand.

notthatkendall that’ll do, pig* *self

johnmoe Technology scorecard. Incredibly powerful computers you can carry in your pocket: check. Lyrics websites that don’t cause migraines: nope.

hipstermermaid I’m really good at the whole “pre-workout” part.

ApocalypseHow Bristol and Todd Palin appearing on reality shows is the closest any Palin will get to reality.

taralibrara It is sad to say but most of my attitude problems can be solved with a cracker.

Caissie Study says 8-10 drinks per week early in pregnancy won’t harm the baby? Not the best reason to have another kid, but I guess I’ll do it.

HannahAntics Sorry, Bro. It’s me. It’s me they’re looking for. -Waldo talking to Lionel Ritchie.

rockskimmer I think it’s fun to pronounce Vegemite like I pronounce Yosemite.

JRehling “We’re gonna hate.” –Haters

torgospizza Local Fox radio station just proved it’s for old people when it played an ad for memory pills voiced by Robin Leach.

debenham Worst film of 2012? BRAM STOKER’S EXCALIBUR. Victorian vampires try to bite through the world’s shiniest armor. Shame on you, Mr. Coppola.

AnnaEliot The hungover hipster is the most despondent of all things. Mead and fixies don’t mix, baby-cakes.

JoshHelfferich Just browsing Pinterest. Ladies, please, single-file line.

BorowitzReport The fact that Republicans have declared a War on Women makes me think women must have oil.

LouisPeitzman I ate way too much garlic and now no one wants to make out. That’s definitely why.

TinyNietzsche A lot of time travelers get murdered because fuck those guys.

Disalmanac Today in 1907, Robert Heinlein was born. He wrote “Stranger In A Strange Land,” which is how we feel at Costco.

ellekaypea Brave also is the lady who bendeth over in white crochet shorts.

ScrewyDecimal My heat stroke brings all the boys to the yard.

FSUSteve The best tweeters are the ones that stay true to themselves. LOLJK it’s the funny ones!

50ShedsofGrey By the time I’d finished, her bottom was bright pink – I’d mixed up the baby oil and Thousand Island dressing again.

ChrisHallbeck @apelad America’s Test Kitchen needs more explosions.

wordlust I’m Batman. No, you’re drunk.

iboudreau “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” — Kool-Aid Man

TheRedQueen Cupcake lady is outside the gym. That bitch. Genius bitch.

panikido @exlibris When my oldest was 2, he was walking with my mom, pointed at some bugs, & said “Look at those fuckin’ ants.” Very matter-of-fact.

PeteNotBrian Flattering someone is the sincerest form of flattery

trevso_electric If police searched my apartment they would see signs of a struggle to grow up.

RobinMcCauley I just bought a pair of Sketchers Shape-ups for my personality.

PrettyAllTrue Smaller dog swam in the river against his wishes yesterday and this morning he ate a sprinkler head. That will teach water to sass him.

usedwigs Happy 13th birthday to the shirt I’m wearing at work today.

TheOnion Economically Healthy ‘Daily Planet’ Now Most Unrealistic Part Of Superman Universe

st_vincent My summer look is “bereaved mistress showing up to the funeral against the wishes of the family.”

J__Swift Hey, my tits are freezing. Am I a witch?

apodixis Just saw a big display of “bath tissue.” But I’m not a child. I know that what it really is is butt tissue.

ApocalypseHow In NYC, it’s hot enough to fry an egg inside a fertile woman.

Smethanie Sorry, but I thought the “Drive like your kids live here” sign was an invitation to do donuts on your lawn. My little fuckers love donuts.

LisaMcIntire Pretty much the worst thing someone can do is send a Facebook message.

thejohnblog I bet sportscasters are tired of Federer winning Wimbledon because they never know when to stop saying his name.

HonestToddler Lady at the park is telling everyone she has a baby in her tummy. Like eating children is something to be proud of.

NancyJew How many times can you hear YOLO before you start wishing you only lived never?

InfiniteChicken Why has no-one opened a mall nut-roasting kiosk called ‘Deze Nuts’?

annetdonahue I bet one of Kurt Cobain’s lowest points involved seriously relating to Robert Palmer’s “Addicted To Love.”

robdelaney I like MEDICALLY can’t stop farting.

kibblesmith But on the other hand, if I shout “Anti-Christ!!” at EVERY baby I see, eventually I’ll be right.

Disalmanac Today in 1856, Nikola Tesla was born. He invented electricity, air, and sweet, sweet lovin’.

FarrenSquare Babies are damn lucky. I want to wander aimlessly in the shade wearing a onesie while someone periodically offers me juice and snacks.

eaton The problem with truncation as a mobile display strategy is

markleggett For eight years George W. Bush thought he had “lunch codes”.

cwethern @Caissie Lever 2000? More like LOSER 2000! For all your 2000 MOMS.

TwoAdults Eating Oreos and watching Isaac Mizrahi on QVC. This is who I am folks. It ain’t always pretty.

LouisPeitzman Chumbawamba said that when they got knocked down, they got back up again. Now Chumbawamba is breaking up, and I don’t know what to believe.

theleanover Lost about 30 followers today. #YOLO

JerryThomas The human body is a beautiful thing. Not yours, of course, but I mean in general.

MeganBoley I’m thinking of burning my bra. Not to make a statement of any kind other than I hate my bra.

trumpetcake Do anal beads become prayer beads if they get stuck inside you?

sadandbritish It’s really hard to tell when your cat is being lethargic.

louisvirtel If I’ve ever misspelled the heart emoticon to you as “<#” instead of “<3,” it wasn’t a mistake. It was a dagger.

thejohnblog Sending the email “Free Monte Cristos in the fitness center!” to my entire department is probably the meanest thing I did today.

AlisonAgosti Mark Twain would have killed it at Twitter, no question.

TheRedQueen Just received a recall on my desk for KY liquid beads. I share because I care.

FakeAPStylebook The correct plural of ocelot is oceshitload. Ocefuckton is vulgar and should be avoided.

annetdonahue The deeper I get into Breaking Bad, the more paranoid I become about this cough and my meth use.

waferbaby Man this Big Bang Theory show is so great I really enjoy it the characters are so lifelike I am stabbing myself in the face with my foot.

sgnp My six-year-old is good enough at video games that I actually just snapped, “Why are you asking ME?” when she needed help. Sorry and proud.

wordlust Sometimes I feel like a dog chasing a car. Other times I feel like a squirrel chasing a zamboni. No, you’re drunk.

ecareyo  I’ll be the most famous bridge troll this village has ever known

Radlein I am constantly amazed by the Obsama administration’s ability to travel back in time and do things conservatives dislike during the Bush era.

dubouchet Anyone know how old my cat is? I know, I know, I should google it.

pistolval @exlibris i just ate 2 of those mixtas. If i wasn’t concerned about my girlish figure i would eat 2 more. (lying, i totally am going to.)

RykWeston Poor Joey Lawrence. All dressed up and nowhere to whoa.

emilysteers i can’t be the only person who sings their thoughts to the tune of “what would you do with a drunken sailor,” could i?

marlespo Doing a rendition of Pink Floyd’s “Hey You” using only Oinks. #WhatReallyTurnsMeOn #WeirdThingsToDoInTheBath

Suburbanhaiku In case there’s a chance / you might pop by to see me / I’m wearing a bra.

slackmistress “AT THE CHUPA! CHUPACAAABRAAAA!!!! BLOOD FEASTIN’ AND GOAT EATIN’ WERE ALL THEY WERE NEEDIN’ AT THE CHUUUPA…” – Scary Manilow

tooaquarius You know it’s a good concert when they blow fuses while doing set up

Cat_ebooks Farting with dramatic abandon.

badbanana A journey of a thousand dubmiles begins with a single dubstep.

mypetshadow The largest pair of breasts in the world and the world’s largest penis belong to the same person. #MadeUpFacts

mikeleffingwell There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.

notthatkendall “I’m a survivor, Beyonce!” is my favorite thing to say right before I fell down just now.

duckyouforever The secret to immortality lies not in a fountain or in a guy who lived 2000 yrs ago, but in the never-ending recycling of the denim jacket.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.