Welcome to another edition of Thrift Store Gore! Let’s start off with some vintage bitchface, shall we?
Eat your heart out, Kristin Strewart! This girl’s been the running queen of bitchface before you were even born or hatched from your ice queen egg or whatever.
I am not sure how George was ever able to part from this monogrammed… whatever it is. Napkin? Custom dashboard cover? Bib? (Check out that sweet blanket in the background. I hella bought it.)
This looks like something that was meant to go in a nursery, you know if you hate children and want to terrify them.
I can’t decide which piece of gore is better. Is it the dead teddy bear angel or the weird cougar who’s about to add another soul to Teddy Bear Heaven. You decide.
I’m kind of regretting not buying this sign for my kitchen. It would also make a great addition to someone’s work desk. When coworkers stop by to ask about you can tell them is indeed banana split day. For yourself only.
Another fantastic thrifted sign. The best part about this, though, is that I took this photo to send to my friend Stefanie who lived out of state at the time. You know, just as sort of a “I’m still thinkin’ about you, you old bastard!” text to cheer her up, but I had the wrong number entered in my phone so basically what happened is that I sent this photo, with no explanation, to a complete stranger. You’re welcome!
There’s a funny story behind this Workplace Safety bag and what it’s doing on the floor of my garage. You see, I was at this thrift store when this old lady who worked there kept trying to get me to take this bag. She kept offering it at a cheaper and cheaper price until finally she just tried to give it to me outright. I kept turning her down politely and stifling the urge to shout I DO NOT WANT THAT GROSS BAG WITH THE HORRID JOKERMAN TEXT LADY. When it came time to ring me up she was like, “Oh! I know, I’ll just put some of your purchases in this bag!” I was wore out by this point so I was like “whatevs, crazy!” What’s it doing on the floor of my garage, you ask? Well, it’s in a pile of stuff I took to donate… to that same thrift store.
WTF is this doing in a thrift store?! What is a person supposed to do once they buy it?! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?! This is all sorts of confusing and no it was not full of change I checked.
And now, a series of truly terrifying dolls:
That last one especially cracks me up. He looks like a strung-out version of Wimpy. “I will gladly pay you Thursday for a bag of weed today!”
This next item was found in the maternity section but I think it should come with a Surgeon General’s warning for pregnant ladies to avoid if at all possible.
HOLY SHIT. I understand now how this might best be used — Sex Ed classes. Kids, if you have sex THIS WILL HAPPEN. AVOID! AVOID! AVOID!
And they can be used as a teaching tool along with this book:
My friend Stef and I came across this monstrosity on our last trip and I wish I would have captured some of the items near it for scale. Obviously handmade, sure, it was also like two feet wide and weighed about 40 lbs.
As usual, I’ve saved one of my favorites for last.
“No, I don’t know what the hell this is! Charge ’em two dollars!”