Follow Friday – Broccoli Eater

When we’re grocery shopping I often have to convince Isobel that we can’t just rip open the bag of crackers or block of cheese we’ve selected. She knows we have to wait until we ‘beep’ it. It’s still hard. I can see her struggling, brows knit together and little face concentrating with the task of reigning in the impulse to munch her way through the contents of our cart. Produce is always the last stop on our list and sometimes she just can’t help herself. The broccoli just looks so inviting and tasty and green. She just has to dig in. And you know what? I let her. Far be it from me to discourage my child from eating broccoli.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

luckyshirt Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and became a demon? #breakuplines

EvenMoreSarah Is it possible to sneeze hard enough to sprain your face? Asking for a friend.

sgnp Before height charts were added to the doors, convenience store robbers would regularly grow up to three inches before their getaway.

Caissie “You say potato, I say potahto. You say tomato, I say tomahto. Potato, potahto! Tomato, tomahto! God, what an insufferable person I am!”

eliyudin “Could I BE any more?” -Existential Chandler Bing

DrMaldoror Scattergories #SideEffectsMayInclude

DrMaldoror Giant Bee Head #SideEffectsMayInclude

DrMaldoror Non-Hodgkin’s Lycanthropy #SideEffectsMayInclude

DrSalsaPants Eye dough #SideEffectsMayInclude

NicLewis Dangling Corpse. #SideEffectsMayInclude

timeblimp Semi Colon. #sideEffectsMayInclude

GlancesNods Babies. #SideEffectsMayInclude

mablazarus Doorknob infatuation #SideEffectsMayInclude

GlancesNods Darker or soft Santorums #SideEffectsMayInclude

mablazarus Salsa pants #SideEffectsMayInclude

DrMaldoror Lumpen Discharge #SideEffectsMayInclude

DrSalsaPants Bladder spiders #SideEffectsMayInclude

jillsmo Child 2 is in bed, singing. From the other room, Child 1… with a british accent… yells, “STOP THAT BLASTED SINGING!”

ruthakers I’ve never wanted anything that someone has handed to me with the preface “I wanted you to have this.”

davepell I ground my kids by explaining that in some countries children grow up without any shows featuring celebrities dancing.

ScrewyDecimal I think if I could go back and be any person during any point in history, I’d want to be a writer during Season Four of “The Golden Girls.”

sgnp Wondering if my cat sees the anthropomorphic cats on TV as cats or people because wrestling with actual human problems is beyond me.

bitchylibrarian I just had to go show Mr. OMFG UR CLOCKZ IS WRONG how to maximize his Internet Explorer window. I think I won that round.

joshjs Faux vintage shirts will be actual vintage shirts some day.

robdelaney Some women find the word “vagina” cold & clinical. Score some “gentleman points” by referring to it as a “groin swamp.”

robdelaney In times of trial, I’m glad Americans can agree on who our real enemies are: public radio & the Girl Scouts.

wordlust Life is like a box of chocolate hand grenades.

heyrenees The real social media wizards of our time are cats.

MightyQuinn72 I was on the fence but have now found religion thanks to the marquee over your muffler shop.

TheNextMartha I could tell our treadmill was feeling neglected. So I dusted it.

colegamble There was a planned sequel to “Se7en” called “Ei8ht” in which M. Freeman got psychic powers and helpful advice from Gwyneth Paltrow’s head.

trumpetcake My one-man puppet theater is putting on “A Passage to India” today at 4 PM. Tickets are $90. See all of you there.

joshjs Grilling season has come early this year. The ground chuck didn’t see its shadow, I guess.

mariannecanada I have a heat pack rolled up in a scarf and tied around my neck. Like a Fashion Goiter.

Leemanish I get most of my news from an actual anchor.

olivesmirks Romantic comedies are just more romantic with British accents. Likewise, porn is more porny with Brasilian accents.

OhLookBirdies I might start a Placebo cover band called Homoeopathy.

tophercarter Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Clearly, she isn’t getting any better at show jumping.

leahlibrarian If wishes were horses then I would have a nicer bicycle.

ThatJennGraves Upon reflection, the Lord of the Flies theme for my 8 year old’s birthday party may have been a slight misstep.

sgnp I love my daughter, but that “hypnotherapy” session was a complete scam, even at $0.25.

Patheticist If Kony became really great at football he could avoid all this trouble.

RideOrDiePudge How many wrists do you have to break before you admit that thing is not a slap bracelet?

mommyshorts Sears is selling “Hung Like Daddy” toddler t-shirts. My question is: Why would you want your child advertising your husband’s small penis?

thejohnblog When you’re at Olive Garden, you’re with family, which explains the indigestion.

introvertedwife My brain says djnvdnjkrjhbfns, sorry without fingers it’s not the best at typing.

badbanana We have enough breakfast items for the toaster now, food scientists. Move on to the car heater vent.

sarcasmically ABC. Always Be Caffeinatin’.

MrWordsWorth Two children found living in an abandoned bus. Ms Valerie Frizzle wanted for questioning.

waferbaby There must be a way to harness all that energy people save by never ever actually reading license agreements and just clicking yes.

MandySlamberg i did a ton of improv in college. mostly crying.

rstevens I got 99 problems and frankly, without my medication that is pretty overwhelming.

thatgreendude My dream is to be on Jeopardy and buzz in before the other contestants and answer every question: “What is Beelzebub?”

juliussharpe End every conversation with a co-worker by saying, “Boy, I’m going to miss you when you’re gone.”

JRehling What happens in Schrödinger’s Cat stays in Schrödinger’s Cat.

morninggloria Poorly behaved women rarely carry “well behaved women rarely make history” tote bags.

wordlust It’s better to cry uncle than to barf aunt.

privilegedenyin Why isn’t there an International Men’s Day? And on that note, why aren’t their parking spaces for NON-disabled people, HUH?

biorhythmist Never say “Ready or not, here I come” unless you’re playing hide-n-seek or are a very inconsiderate lover or both.

ruthakers A baby changes everything. Except it’s own diaper.

5FeetOfRage I wish MY children were invisible sometimes.

Paxochka It’s so awkward when people say God made them do it and I ask if they’re a puppet on strings or the kind that has God’s hand up their ass.

JRehling Dating is a massively multi-playa game.

hipstermermaid Like a good neighbor, State Farm doesn’t have noisy sex at 3 am in the apartment above yours.

DoubleBerg426 My “I’m a cool guy” wave has devolved into a “I’m a fancy princess” finger wiggle.

lanyardquirk Caught my food taking a picture of me. When I confronted it, it said it was for its people blog? What a creep.

unrealfred Built entirely out of Lego. There, happy now? #iPad3Rumors

NicLewis Giant reel-to-reel spindles to appeal to hipsters, called the iRony Drive. #iPad3Rumors

unrealfred Will combine with your iPad and iPad2 to form Voltron: Defender of the Universe. #iPad3Rumors

Tarpo We finally get the feminine napkin jokes. #iPad3Rumors

FilthyRichmond It smells like wolf t-shirt in here.

usedwigs Darn, “forgot” to get new soap and was “forced” to use the Kids Strawberry Body Wash and smell like a big delicious Pop Tart again.

sgnp Just now, tonight, I realized that while I may be crazy, one of my most persistent delusions comes from reading a Philip K. Dick novel at 9.

iboudreau So when Mitt said “I wouldn’t have used those words,” what he meant was, “have a nice ride on the whorecoaster, whore.”

wilw I don’t have to read “Wesley Crusher, Teenage Fuck Machine”, Dottie. I lived it…. well, except for the fuck machine part.

slackmistress Doing my part to bail out Greece’s economy.* (*Eating yogurt.)

krf0109 Related: The PTA could make a lot of money running a coffee bar outside the school.


shariv67 I thought a Golden Corral was when you crawled throug a tunnel of legs while people peed on you, but this restaurant is much worse.

johnmoe “I could do War Horse 2, War Horse & Son. Peace Horse? I bet they’ll call me about something soon.”- The War Horse horse to the other horses

Cheeseboy22 As punishment for his hateful words, Rush Limbaugh should be required to bathe in The Bachelor hot tub.

mikeleffingwell I may be biased, but I think my kids are terrible.

markleggett Acting out “charades” in a game of charades would be a challenge.

tehawesome Night at the Museum 2 is the Citizen Kane of movies that take place in a magical museum where Ben Stiller slaps little monkeys.

introvertedwife My grandfather once told me women should be seen and not heard, so I flipped him off.

palinode I’m going to put screenshots of Pinterest on my Pinterest board. Then I’m going to give it some Klout. Then I’m going to snort it. Yeah.

LouisPeitzman I’m naturally charming, so I hope you appreciate how hard I have to work to be awkward.

notthatkendall I’m going to start a matchmaking show called “We’re all drunk, now.” It’ll be like The Bachelor but more sincere.

ApocalypseHow SPOILER ALERT: The winner of the Hunger Games is “pie.”

BeTheBoy It turns out I’ve been donating to Dr. Who Without Borders all this time.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.


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  1. says

    HA! I love this one “morninggloria Poorly behaved women rarely carry “well behaved women rarely make history” tote bags.” And, I totally love the broccoli eating!

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