Today’s post features photos from Christmas past. Enjoy!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
Pinboard Ask yourself this: is there any JRR Tolkien place name that does not sound like the name of a mood stabilizer or antifungal cream?
kwmurphy I can never spell the word “hemorrhoids” right on the first try. You’d think I could, as it comes up so often in my line of work.
danforthfrance Already can’t stop saying “Bagginses. What is a Bagginses, Precious?” Welp, be glad you don’t know me in real life. It’ll be a year of this.
maggiesox I WILL CHOKE SOMEONE FOR THE HOBBIT TRAILER, COME ON APPLE.
inversejaik Thanks to the replicator, the crew learns the true meaning of Christmas. Crusher is perplexed when Worf’s heart grows three sizes. #TNG_S8
inversejaik Geordi and Data put warp plasma in Barclay’s coffee, with horrifying results. Worf’s son Alexander wonders why he even bothers. #TNG_S8
inversejaik Worf learns that the Klingon way of mathematics takes too long. On a dare, Lwaxana Troi marries Barclay. #TNG_S8
inversejaik When the ship falls through a spacetime anomaly, Picard is trapped in a turbolift with himself. Worf is enraged by the game of golf. #TNG_S8
inversejaik Riker & Worf use the holodeck to research the 21st-cen. ideal of being “bros.” Troi goes on and on about her most recent makeover. #TNG_S8
MrWordsWorth It must be tough for people on The Real World to actually have to return to the real world.
ScrewyDecimal This anxious, nauseated, “how will I pay my credit card bill next month” feeling can only mean one thing: I’ve finished Christmas shopping!
Angel__Bee Allie really doesn’t appreciate my Eddie Vedder impression as much as she should.
steenyweeny gonna put my religion as ‘grumpy as hell’ on this HR form.
MmeSurly PAJAMAS I WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU
Zaius13 They finally released Schindler’s List on blu-ray with tons of bonus features, including over an hour of hilarious bloopers!
NASeason I appear to have reserved an awfully large portion of brain space for 80’s lyrics.
BugginWord “Honey, do we have a protractor?” – Not what I was expecting.
schmutzie I’LL USE ALL-CAPS IF I WANT TO. THE INTERNET ISN’T NEARLY LOUD ENOUGH.
theRratedBull I think my half-ass effort isn’t working because I’m still a top-performer at work. I think what we need here is a quarter-ass effort.
Patheticist I feel guilty that I’ve spent more on myself than the rest of my entire family combined. I’m teaching them a Christmas lesson, probably.
willgoldstein “Don’t let the dog lick you, she’s been eating her own poop again.” #thingsIhavetosaytoooften
sarahmcdallen Me: We have a chance of snowy owls this winter! Kim (baffled): They can predict those “birds falling out of the sky events” now?
finslippy I now have seven pounds of pulled pork. Just in time for Hanukkah!
danforthfrance My cat purrs like the Enterprise-D warp core. No YOU’RE never getting laid again!
notperfect Before you think that my shopping hesitance is partly financial savvy: I once paid a massage therapist to listen to my sacrum.
InfiniteChicken I just gave @KimKardashian +K in Chlamydia!
onenjen So, now that my son is potty trained, I’m gonna be wiping pee off the toilet seat for the next, what, 15 years?
heliumcell YEAH, CUT AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KEYBOARD SOLO. I REALLY WANT TO SEE WHAT THE DRUMMER IS DOING RIGHT THERE. OH COOL, HITTING A CYMBAL
Patheticist You can accurately guess a person’s age by length of their voicemail message.
jenstatsky When I was a kid, I honestly thought that using Quicken was a major part of adulthood.
sarahbellum Today was amazeballs, only without the amaze part.
juan_incognito Most of the time when I appear to be in deep thought, I’m just thinking about what I’m going to build with my Legos when I get home.
notthatkendall An awkward thing is trying to figure out how you will explain to a spambot that you don’t eat McDonalds.
goodinthestacks James Franco can get professors fired for giving him bad grades? That dude really can do it all.
joeinverarity You all moonwalked into my heart.
shinyinfo If I were a millionaire I’d take the train places ALL THE TIME. Across the country, several times a year. I’d waste my money SO HARD!
thejohnblog Rick Perry issued a press release extending his condolences to the family of Lil Kim.
sgnp Bras are pretty amazing. They’re MADE to have boobs shoved in ’em! #HouseCleaningThoughts
Smethanie LOL Hot Pockets for including conventional oven cooking instructions!
macleanbrendan If we’ve learned anything from Kim Jong-Il’s death it’s that people are very good at quoting Team America.
abobrow This has been a shit year for my fantasy dictator team.
NASeason So, at what age do I have to stop dressing my kid in one piece pajamas? Twelve?
shariv67 Huz: What do you want for xmas? Me: A Mercedes? Huz: Try again. Me: Foot rubs for a year? Huz: What model Mercedes?
80sMomKara My 8 year old: “On Christmas, why don’t we go to that midnight madness thing over at that church in Biloxi?” Me: “You mean midnight MASS?”
Soulsmithy Scary poops are the price we pay for holiday potlucks.
theSethsquatch The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But only if you enter through his ass.
NicLewis 8-track players in attics transform back into their disco-robot forms for the long trip back to planet Funk. #ChristmasMiracle
owlparliament Charles Bukowski reanimates and comes over; is ornery but also a surprising good pastry chef. #ChristmasMiracle
ryankresse People take nitrates for heart problems. Bacon has nitrates. Therefore, bacon cures heart problems. #logic
mocoddle If I were to get some sort of voice-control typing software, all my tweets would be profanity and chupacabras.
michael_J_m00n When I jingle, I jingle all the way.
paulverhoeven Just tried to Shazam a fire alarm at a Westfield.
ruthakers You can tell a lot about a girl by how many hand movements it takes her to describe her prom dress.
allisonthemeep Um, Christmas is in one week. Holy shit. I mean, Oh, holy shit. The stars are brightly shining.
J__Swift Okay, Twitter is distracting me from my new boyfriend: video games. We’re gonna go make love now.
TheRedQueen My toddler just shushed me. Apparently I was making too much noise while he was trying to watch his stories.
geekandahalf Pretty sure I meant “bitches”, autocorrect, but good lookin’ out.
J__Swift I think I’ll buy something to cheer myself up. This gun oughta do it.
apodixis Geese always sound like they’re laughing at me. I wonder if they know how good they taste.
alwysabridesmd I see there is a jammie snuggie thing called “Forever Lazy.” pretty sure that would be the phrase I’d choose for knuckle tattoos. #4EVAlazy
dspiral I really should have stretched before wrapping those gifts. #gettingold
benmarvin My new years resolution is to count how many times I poop in 2012.
lemoneyes Waking up early makes it harder for me to stay up late. Too little sleep is what makes that seem like an insight.
danforthfrance Strange that no one in the Nativity stood with their back to the camera.
Toaster_Pastry Daughter brought home a small vial of pure concentrated weapons-grade glitter.
rstevens In the Marvel Universe, a “Daily Bugle” is also a sex act.
mikeleffingwell It sucks when you try to join a gang in a new city and find out none of your street creds transferred.
Lilacmess We got our xmas stockings from my MIL today and proceeded to open all of it. We have completely failed as adults. I blame husband
kellyoxford “I love her period.” – missing comma, game changer
mikeleffingwell ONE DAY after I cancel my “Whoopi Goldberg fart” Google alert and look what happens.
schmutzie I’ve now expanded my diet from peanut butter sandwiches & Little Debbie Nutty Bars to include peanut butter cookies. Diversity is key.
TheNextMartha I’m really hoping to pass this plague onto someone who deserves it.
jenstatsky “Here lies Jen Statsky. She is survived by fourteen hundred half-full punch cards from various coffee shops.”
Angel__Bee Oh good, Allie’s behind the Christmas tree grunting. This will end well.
badbanana The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.
onenjen In my son’s world, the garbage man is on par with Ryan Gosling. “Like, OMG. He WAVED at me!”
johnmoe Question about those Progressive commercials: why are people who are dead and in heaven concerned about car insurance?
JRehling Before you decide you’re the world’s worst cook, I just burned a banana to ashes while peeling it.
Kitty_Crawford I am pregnant. The father is satay chicken curry.
morninggloria GOP debate would be much more tolerable if a merry prankster had queued up the Little Rascals theme to play as the candidates took the stage
ProfessorSnack I spend a lot more of my time than I used to searching for beverages I’ve set down.
LaurenBans How is the tagline for the McRib not “Ribbed For Your Pleasure?” How?
corrinrenee Blankets should have pockets for your feet. #bedtimethoughts
markleggett Send me a DM if you want to swing by my house tonight and get totally fucked-up on vegetarian pizza.
MaybeNotSteve I’m so hungry I asked a horse to the prom and she said YES!!!
adiopink Re: woman who gestured at my dad & asked what my husband does. My sister says I should’ve replied: “He sleeps with my mom.”
meganmonique “The Kinect gives me more opportunities to use my jazz hands!” – The Mister
sucittaM Even if none of the Republican candidates become president, they all still have promising careers as actors in Kay Jewelers commercials.
Caissie Every time I look at Ron Paul my mouth starts watering for a Werther’s Original! #TweetThePress
PolyesterPony My xbox no longer listens when I say pause. We’ve grown so far apart.