Once a year my parents’ neighbors hold a giant yard sale. Their house sits on two lots and their entire front lawn takes up one of them. They divide the lawn into plots and people rent spots and set up shop. I always find great things, and this was the sale where we found those vintage books I was telling you about. Although I didn’t buy what is shown in the first three photos (though I would have loved to take it all home except for the mirror), I did buy the succulent and the gorgeous silver scroll work dish. Honestly, I really wish I would have bought Dragon Dominoes for the cover art alone.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
jenifersf I just thought to myself, boy, I need a drink. Realized I was 3/4 of the way through a beer.
johnmoe All Sportscenters and TV news sports casts should begin “Just a reminder, none of this matters. Not really. Now, on to numbers and videos!”
sgnp Back when I got fired by that dominatrix she said I could let the door hit me in the ass on the way out, for old time’s sake.
MeganBoley Sometimes I hear “no naps for you!” in my head. In soup nazi voice.
misskubelik my all time favorite is the 7 year old who asked for BOOGIE NIGHTS. Turns out he meant BOOGIE *K*NIGHTS. Slight difference.
danforthfrance I’ve had a lot of coffee. Allow me to strip to the waist and I’ll wrestle that giant octopus and save your seaside village.
sarcasmically I’d like to tell you I haven’t spent an hour pasting Burt Reynolds’ face onto Jesus’ body, but I don’t want BurtJesus to hear me tell a lie.
badbanana Just completed a wildly successful first test of my new robot intern at work. At least three dead.
mat I’ve gotten zero spam @ messages since signing up with laterspam.org, which is actually kind of disappointing. I want to play. iPad? Viagra?
jillsmo I had some red stuff between my toes and I thought it was blood. It was jello.
FakePewResearch 100% of lasers are FUCKING AWESOME.
hotdogsladies Guys, explaining a joke is like telling Hannibal why to bring lots of peanuts to Carthage—either you get it or you’re already on Wikipedia.
RailbirdJ Klout thinks I’m influential about John Boehner. I bet its from all those orange erection jokes.
UnicornFlavored I can’t tell if I just saw Ricki Lake’s nip, or if it was an optical illusion.
maggiesox I should not watch Ron Paul before I go to bed. I should not watch Ron Paul before I go to bed. I should not…oh, fuck it.
johnmoe The Playboy Club show is bound to appeal to men. If there’s one thing men love about Playboy, it’s clothed women talking about stuff.
markleggett I’ve been stressed before, but never “infomercial mom” stressed.
InfiniteChicken Take the name of the street you grew up on + your gross income/withholding = your HR Block name.
tommycm Is there such a verb as ‘to verb’?
jberthume Nooooooo I hafta get a shot nooooooo. Wait, actually, that’s probably best and fastest. Oh man, now I’m a grown-up noooooooo.
ColinPeters Puberty is the time in your life when you become extra greasy so you can slip out of your parents’ grasp.
JimGaffigan “How old is your baby?” is the “How about this weather?” of parenting.
antigone_spit Irony is the “Stress Management and Relaxation Training” online class being the most difficult and frustrating class of ever.
MassageByTed Up next on “Today”: cockblocking. What is it, who’s doing it, and how can you protect your children?
MmeSurly Indianapolis Police: “We will not say how they died, but we are looking for a shooter or shooters.” I love mysteries!
ebertchicago “If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” — John Waters
sarcasmically Adults who buy a hot dog combo lunch and eat it alone in the Target snack café should get a free pity hug with purchase.
TheSuniverse My hair looks like Hagrid’s today. Fucking humidity.
sween When my wife’s away, I make poor dietary choices. I ate a bowl of Lego this morning.
MrWordsWorth ‘Some side effects are swollen earlobes and a sexual attraction to the letter Q.’ – rejected drug ad copy
FlyteAphrodite My horoscope says I’m on edge but still appear calm. It also says I will be admired if I don’t hide my feelings. *runs in circles screaming*
MoistPork I’m thinking of starting an all-female moped gang. We’ll call ourselves the sCooters.
Its_Death Nevermind is 20 years old. Remember, how the Beatles seemed old back in 1991? They broke up 21 years before. You’ve become your parents.
SpaghettiJesus With my next tweet and my previous tweet, I came to the realization that I’m the Tosh.0 of slightly educated people.
WowItsStephen I’m calling tomorrow “FUNday” b/c I have a perky, upbeat personality!! I’m calling Tuesday the day I finally murder myself.
JillMorris My body is always sending me mixed signals about whether it wants to be alive.
hereslizz When you realize the irony of trying to find an online class for Interpersonal Communication? That.
marklegget tBefore criticising a man, walk a mile in his Crocs.
MmeSurly Every piece of popcorn chicken is unique, like a beautiful meat snowflake.
neiltyson Just saw “Moneyball” — The power of mathematics over tradition & superstition. Should probably be renamed “Mathball.”
shinyinfo Do you know who isn’t a Merry Man? Worf. Worf is not a Merry Man.
bebehblog I’ve been really hungry for a couple of hours, but too lazy to get off the couch. I AM A DIETING GENIUS.
slackmistress I hate unpacking with such a white-hot fury that you’d think it killed my grandma.
CanuckLibrarian Reading tweets that there are too many plot lines in a tv show on now. I guess there’s a reason those types watch tv instead of read.
80sMomKara I swear that we just got ‘fat free, sugar free’ ice cream. What the hell is it made with? Is it liquified packing peanuts? Soylent Green?
EvenMoreSarah I kind of wish the people at Dunkin had accidentally given me a donut instead of this dumb wheat bagel I asked for.
louisvirtel Happy birthday to Will Smith. Hope he’s spending some quality time with his wife and kids’ money.
luckyshirt I spilled Head and Shoulders on my feet, and now I don’t know which half of my body to cover with pants.
NicLewis Just saw a Target employee as nerdy as me hit on a coworker out of his league. Star Trek tells me this won’t end well for either redshirt.
MmeSurly I just made French toast with apple cider and pumpkin pie spice, so if y’all need me I’ll be marrying myself and maybe doing sex to myself.
thecorbettkid *someone* refused a nap at the appropriate nap time & is now melting down into a puddle of tears & snot. fyi: it’s not me. could be. but no.
ruthakers I want all my online passwords to try on swimsuits in the harsh light of a dressing room. We’ll see how secure they are then.
Whereismyrobot Trapped in the Closet still holds up.
WhyIsDaddyCryin I love finding a FB wall post with a lot of comments on it an adding my own that says “cats are soft”
notthatkendall I like it when Klout sends me “Important Updates,” and I get to remember just how ridiculous everything is.
lovegrrbottle Taking a video of Sonora starting to crawl and got video-bombed by the dog humping her toy in the background. :/
bookishbella The “It’s official: facebook will start charging” meme is going again. Somebody’s kid needs to tell them how the internet works.
stevetweeters I hope I don’t sound too dramatic but I accidentally poked myself in the eye and it hurts just like natural childbirth.
apelad Whenever I play a race car video game I try to cause the biggest crash possible as I cross the finish line.
susanorlean Someone actually did move my cheese.
ohrebecca Yayyuuuuuyyyyyyyyayyayyyayyuauuyyauu vodka!
TheRedQueen Listening to “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta” while I clean the kitchen. I am fairly confident I am this songs demographic.
nick_hubert Ikea was busy. I only managed 2 fights but won both of them. I bought a highchair.
rstevens Googled “search engines” and now I can see forever.
theneener OH at the Labs: When did you eat? Is it safe for me to throw you up in the air?
EvenMoreSarah I’m talking to myself in my dog’s imaginary voice so I should probably be sent home.
MarinkaNYC I don’t understand people who talk to me while I’m obviously tweeting. It’s like they were raised in a WiFi-less barn.
Mike_FTW When you put that uniform on you are a US soldier. You aren’t a gay soldier. You aren’t a straight soldier. And you deserve our respect.
PopCulLibrn So Spouse just set up an XBox Live account for the 9yo; it randomly gave him the username WagglyDuchess13. He’s scarred for life.
Cheeseboy22 Fun stat: Even when I wear my Hammer pants, I am still the most normal person in Rite Aid 100% of the time.
TPHD GOOD THING THESE SNACK CRACKERS WERE “FLAVORBLASTED”>> I WAS WORRIED THERE WOULDNT BE ENOUGH FLAVORS
LastMomOnEarth Kurt google searched for my blog by typing, “Last Mom On Earth Amanda Kurt sexy piece of husband” so that I would see it in my stats.
TheProvArchive My x-ray report finishes off with ‘The rest of the foot is unremarkable.’ …I still love you, foot. No matter what they say.
johnmoe “I like their later stuff. After they sold out. When they played big arenas and teenagers liked them.” – Hipster hipster
jillsmo Do you ever feel like you spend every waking moment constantly in motion? And if that’s so, why am I not thinner than this?
mommywantsvodka Pretty sure I inadvertently mooned my neighbors. Not sure I’m unhappy about that.
badbanana Here’s how you end any meeting early. Just approve everything and walk out. Works even if you have no authority.
heyrenees I’m reading these match.com profiles and I have two thoughts. 1. Men, there are other writers besides Palahniuk. 2. Dying alone seems fine.
iasshole Attempts at deep feminist readings of The Magic Treehouse are being met with confusion and indifference.
palinodeWhy didn’t they rename “The Hills Have Eyes 2” as “The Hills Have 2 Eyes”? Because duh.