See that bit of nature up there? It is the reason why the D cup isn’t with us today. Well, that and a certain 25lb cat.
I found the D cup while thrifting. It was so gorgeous–a delicate glass cup monogrammed with an Old English-style “D” in gold, wreathed by laurel leaves. I was going to sell it in my shop, but first I was going to fill it with flowers and nature and take some photographs. My mistake was leaving it unattended. I keep forgetting that Zorro will do anything to DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY the natures. In an effort to eat the leaves and berries I put in the vase, he knocked it off a shelf and destroyed it. Boo.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.
Zaius13 Area man gets gist of Onion article after first paragraph, stops reading.
RestlessLori Today I will honor the shaving of my pits by wearing a maxi dress. #youarewelcome
TheSuniverse Since it’s so hot, I’m thinking I’ll put bags of frozen peas in my clothes. I’ll cool off AND make a side dish!
charlesthomas “And then Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves using his heat vision, because George Washington died for your sins.” #PalinHistory
SadnessRUs Life is very long. Very very very very very very very long. Really long. So. Long. And for most of it, you’ll be very tired.
danforthfrance I just took a stab at the name of the new X-Men movie and came up with “X…Class?” Hello. I am your dad now.
MrWordsWorth Josh Duhamel will return to All My Children. After you’ve been in a Michael Bay film, that’s a step up.
thejohnblog When computers become self aware, you can spot the douchebags easily. They’ll be the ones wearing their CAPTCHA sideways.
adam_fogle Beyonce could sing the phone book and I’d still think it was amazing that they continue to make phone books.
FlyteAphrodite “Live in the moment”?! That advice sucks. You live in my shitty moment. I’m going to live in my fantasy future where everything goes right.
LouisPeitzman Just read a comment that said, “Society today has gone crazy.” I think that’s YouTube for, “Everything since the Dark Ages upsets me.”
thomashawk I sure hope what happened to Anthony Weiner doesn’t happen to Barbara Bush.
markleggett I only get interested in how my office chair is constructed when I have something important to do. Is this bit welded? It looks very welded.
INVADINGALIEN EVEN THOUGH WE WILL DESTROY YOU WE THINK YOU WILL AGREE THE BLOGGERS SHOULD GO FIRST.
mariadiaz FAMOUS MEN: Once again, I can teach you how to sext and how to delete pics from your phone. Special discount this week! DM me.
Glinner “I was hacked” is this century’s “a witch did it”.
wishing4horses So a guy took a picture of his penis then sent it to a girl? No way!
TheRedQueen Phone tree is making me homicidal. “it sounds like you said you wanted to stab me in the face, is this correct” #ohverymuchso
massagebyted It’s bad for Rep. Weiner now, but he’ll feel even worse when I release the pics I got from Michelle Bachman. That lady is hung like a horse.
mrpilkington I say to myself, “Self,” I say, “How can I slip some root poison into the lot next door? Is there a squirrel I can pay to do this?”
ScrewyDecimal Monday and I are officially in a fight. There’s gonna be fisticuffs.
Riser_ I’m still waiting for Beavis & Butthead to weigh in on this Congressman Weiner scandal.
badbanana I just unlocked the “Living Simply Without Unnecessary Technology” badge on @foursquare!
helgagrace Have suggested we boost the library’s budget by contributing found money. Just boosted by .25 cents.
mommywantsvodka Whomever said, “thou art as lovely as a summer’s day,” has NOT spent any time near my garbage can in mid-June.
oodja “There are only two rules in television; don’t swear and don’t whip it out.” -helpful social media advice from Krusty the Clown
FrankConniff Wiener not getting it. After press conference, to prove how bad he feels, he tweeted everybody a pic of his limp penis.
EvenMoreSarah Maybe if I stay real quiet, Monday won’t notice I’m here and will go home early.
markleggett Most of my childhood memories are videogame cheat codes.
frageelay Madonna’s lyrics all make perfect sense if you imagine they were written to her cats.
giraffrocentric Okay, guys, guess the movie! (NO CHEATING!!!1) … “Nice to meet you, Harry Potter!”
killorn My dog is always so thrilled to see me come home for however long it takes him to realize I am not carrying a ham in my purse.
apelad I always feel sorry for never before seen footage. Be more assertive, footage!
Ahm76 Every time I’m disappointed in twitter, I realize I’m just disappointed in myself. I’m the one who didn’t make plans or leave the house. Me.
apodixis Assflap! That’s what I always think that duck in the insurance ad is saying.
theleanover At some point my neighbours are going to wonder what my horrendous laughter stems from and I’m going to have to say a 15 yr old kids cartoon.
LIFECOACHERS It’s great to focus on your gifts but sometimes you need to focus on what you don’t do well and feel really bad about that.
killorn You people act like you’ve never seen “I have a head for business & a bod for sin” written in purple Comic Sans on a business card before.
BillCorbett Yes, the rumors are true: my dog just ate a Japanese beetle. #ourlivinghorribleEarth
sandwichpolice I hung up first. I won the goodbye!
eihposa There comes a time when the only thing to do is eat sour cream on taco shells. Now is that time.
ordermeanother Indiana Jones: the only thing in history that is better when there are Nazis involved.
danforthfrance If Kevorkian’s death is ironic, then the only thing that has died is what words mean.
StephenAtHome I wonder if it’s hard for a cricket doing standup at a comedy club to tell if they’re bombing.
shinyinfo Oh Youtube comments. You make me feel like a genius.
sbellelauren hope you like my new show girls gone mild we just drink chai lattes & discuss if we HAD to choose if we’d be ravenclaw or hufflepuff
Athenabee Athena finally said “tit-tays.” No more mommy/daughter Dave Chappelle.
telephase Cleaning out a Gatorade bucket, with a 1/2 inch of Kool-Aid/sugar sludge in the bottom. #livingthedream
laurahartgerink i came upstairs after some painting to find a little bare bottomed, diaperless baby in her pack n play. and so it begins. #underpantsaredumb
happyrobot I just sold a bike on CraigsList. I didn’t get murdered. I have cash.
LouisPeitzman “No” means “no,” Microsoft AutoUpdate.
haridnc time to walk around the office and tell everyone exactly what I think of them.
MagpieLibrarian Actual question from an actual child, “Why is Mayor Bloomberg such a douche-bag?” #savenyclibraries
val_forrestal I think #wwf should let you use “invented” words if you can justify them. eg: BORATE – to bore everyone with your lengthy speech.
endquote Yes, I love it when you shout “Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean!” at me from across the street. Please do that again.
BridgetCallahan You know what the opposite of cool is? A smooth jazz interpretation of the State Farm Good Neighbor song.
TheNextMartha I should do a whole line of “time out videos”. Me riding my kids’ bikes, destroying their legos. Demolishing train tracks. HOW FUN for me.
loresjoberg I was sad that I had no shoes until someone pointed out that thigh-high stiletto boots do, technically, count as shoes.
willgoldstein I taught the boy a very important phrase this morning: “Mommy Pwetty”. #TenDadPoints
thegrumbles we drove by a guy parallel parking a giant green tractor so he could make a donut run. he is king of today.
guiltysquid Today I’m late because, apparently, bras are not “optional” in the office. Unless you’re a guy.
ProfessorSnack Has anyone gone back to explain to watermelon farmers what the word “seedless” actually means?
bridger_w A commercial just asked, “Who says you can’t have your shrimp and eat it too?” I’m not positive, but… Nobody?
rachaelosborn Sometimes I take Nyquil and chase it with a Red Bull and let them fight.
kerryhowell Why you don’t have me buy the Costco cake for departing coworkers: it has a dinosaur on it. And “You’re not extinct to us, Lori!” as message.
notthatkendall A little piece of advice for no one in particular: If you try to tell me I can’t watch “Baby Mama” for the 87th time, I will divorce you.
NASeason Random mid-week getaway to Newport Beach. All I’m really interested in is the king sized bed and the freedom from cat hair.
TheDollSays I see Coldplay is trending. Have they died? Have they died horribly in an appallingly pretentious and tedious accident? I do hope not.
lunchyprices Teens: Don’t do cocaine! Save it for your 30s when you’ll need it just to watch TV until 10 p.m.