It’s taken a week and a half, but I am finally recovering from this killer cold. My voice has gone from a demonic growl and can now be described as “husky” or “Rachel Ray.” An improvement of sorts.
I want to thank everyone who took time to enter my giveaway for the gorgeous laurel-leaf bracelet I got for Mother’s Day. Evelyn has such great items in her shop that if you don’t win this bracelet you can console yourself by picking up another of her goodies. A few of you mentioned that gold isn’t your preferred color for jewelry, and if you stop by her shop you’ll notice that she also carries this bracelet in silver. Equally stunning.
The lucky winner of the bracelet is… Anne! Congratulations! I’ll pass your name and email on to Evelyn who will arrange to send you your bracelet. Be sure to measure your wrist to get the perfect size. Everybody else, have a great weekend, and don’t worry, there will be more etsy giveaways in the future.
(All the photos in today’s post were taken from my flickr archives.)
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.
adamisacson I was watching a nature show. A team of seals killed a penguin and dumped the body in the water. Suddenly, I felt strangely patriotic.
FakeAPStylebook The abbreviation “QED” stands for the Latin phrase, “quod erat demonstrandum” which means, “FTW!”
thatgirltricia There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that.”
markleggett I just held a puppy. Any moment where I’m not holding either a puppy or a kitten or a duckling or a lamb is super bullshit.
phyllisstein Stress-wise, songs with siren effects are pretty bad, but songs with “New Mail” pings are much worse.
PMuffintop Fantastic- kids want to watch “Tangled” for the billionth time. You know my favorite part of “Tangled”? This margarita.
Zaius13 Every time you masturbate a kitten, God kills himself.
joeywags Just came up with idea for podcast recorded in the office restroom, “Stallin’ with Joe Wagner.” Recurring segment: “Plop of the Day.”
mrpilkington There should be some sort of vicious crab monster that hunts down every person who still says “it is what it is.”
grantpa Oh, this? It’s prescription ice cream.
sarcasmically Oh look it’s a day ending in ‘y’ so of course I’ve wounded myself I JUST DUNKED MY NIPPLE IN BOILING WATER it’s amazing I’ve made it to 27
JayFerris Some days I swear I’m allergic to fluorescent lighting and bullshit.
simontarr Fair warning: my in-laws are coming this week for a long weekend. You know, in case you need to stock up on marshmallows for toasting.
telephase Pro Tip: With the right furrowed brow look, you can get multiple teens around the room to admit to things they’ve done.
willgoldstein I assume all parents make it through the terrible twos with a steady diet of caffeine and alcohol.
ohnoCAPSLOCK Esme, “I’m drawing your eyes! And your big nose!” Thanks, jerk.
TheNextMartha When is someone going to invent and air conditioner for my pants?
louisvirtel Sad to discover that Shania Twain’s new reality show isn’t called “Man! I Feel Like a Paycheck.”
ladybirdj If a job interviewer asks what you think of new media, say “I AM NEW MEDIA” and shoot a light beam from your glowing fingertips.
WhyIsDaddyCryin I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.
AmandaStretch If Sleepy Dwarf and Sneezy Dwarf had a baby, it would be me. Except that I’m tall for a dwarf. Wait . . . am I adopted?
joshjs Mom, Sorry I ruined your hoo-ha and then became an atheist. Love, Josh
thebookpolice I can’t take Jamie Lee Curtis seriously on child Internet safety PSAs when I know she likes to talk to strangers about their poop.
MarinkaNYC Every time I see “Instagram” I think “Orgasmatron” So your photos have a lot to live up to.
heyrenees Guy next to me on bus has devil horns tattooed onto his forehead. So that’s how the day is starting.
joeltalks Today my dad is 90. I called and as expected he was in the gym as he is every day. I called him from the gym where I am only 3 days a week.
louisvirtel It’s drizzling inSouthern California. Ugh, our flowers will be ruined.
PopCulLibrn Apparently the streets of Burbank near IKEA are one of the best places to find groups of young men in ironic eyewear.
inktwice Got blocked for highlighting the irony in someone’s tweet. Guess she didn’t appreciate…[takes off glasses]…what followed. YEEEAAAA!
scd If I have one bit of advice for media scholars on Twitter, it’s to interact more with folks who aren’t media scholars on Twitter.
AmberRose What a great, productive day on Twitt– I mean, at work!
joeywags It’s so cold in my office, I’m thinking I should probably put my clothes back on.
Jim_Hamilton When a girl talks to me, I think it’s pretty safe to assume she’s an undercover cop. Nice try, Sgt. Flirty!
slackmistress Every time you think something is impossible, remind yourself that “Arli$$” was an actual thing.
antigone_spit “Umm Korinne I need to check your sources. I don’t think Macbeth assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand.”
rolldiggity “I think my student is cheating on me.” -School desk
CanuckMackem Game of Thrones = The Sopranos in Middle Earth
michaelianblack From a writer’s perspective, the main problem with “Country Strong” is that it’s terrible.
cathycrea People on camera would wave and say “Hi….” and then stare blankly. #IfThereWereNoMoms
johnmoe Kids would play Stranger May I. #IfThereWereNoMoms
MikeMallow Scott Pilgrim is trending! This is the best Sunday night news I’ve heard since bin Laden.
louisvirtel Happy birthday, Mom. My fave restaurant is still your womb.
Will_Bunch Anyone know why “Presidential Speech” isn’t on at 10:30? I really enjoyed the first episode last week.
MeatPants Pop Tarts, Top Parts. Whatever. You know what I meant.
danforthfrance Maybe you can’t get over the Lakers being assholes, but I’m still hung up on the fact that LA has no lakes.
LouisPeitzman Maybe I don’t know exactly what it’s like to be a mother, but I’ve had a headache for three days.
wordlust Your mom is intended for mature audiences only. She contains adult gerbils and strong sailors.
NickSchug Every day, Kid Rock eats Cheetos flavors that we can’t even IMAGINE.
shinyinfo Librarians should have MLIS showers where people bestow gifts of cardigans & sweater vests upon new graduates
MrWordsWorth Women’s Day magazine is sold year-round. I call shenanigans.
shinyinfo Knowing people with gardens is like being a Freegan but without having to jump into dumpsters.
Gen_with_a_G That hip skinny chick over there, she is really shoving that sandwich in her mouth. There’s hope for us yet.
Zaius13 Is it “Cuntess” or “Cuntress”? I want this Mother’s Day card to be fridge worthy.
editorialgirl Also found a text file called “to do”. Inside: one line. “1) move that paper clip that I keep mistaking for a spider”. #wtf
aspaul My cat didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day. This is bullshit.
1ofManyLaurens The best way to add insult to injury is when signing somebody’s cast.
hemantmehta Happy That’s-What-Happens-When-Republicans-Defund-Planned-Parenthood Day!
aleah This Celebrity Ghost Stories show is hilarious. Alice Cooper saw “ghosts” for reasons unrelated to paranormal activity. Pretty sure.
ProfessorSnack Whenever my boys ask me about a bird I can’t identify, I just call it Larry.
tommycm Right. My new project ‘Moby Dick 2: failwhale’ isn’t going to write itself. Laters, Twitter.
jendenbrat I’m already placing bets that the next Fast & Furious movie will be called Fastier & Most Furiousest.
BenMcCool Ice Cube starring in Coors Lite commercials: about as gangsta as that time I bought flowers for my mum.
Mister_m00n “Ladies, Don’t get your panties in a bunch!!” — Supervisor at the panty factory.
slackmistress Right this very second, Jessie’s Girl is probably wishing she picked Rick Springfield.
bibliophagist Look, we can either sit around and moan or we can come up with some useful false dichotomies.
Mister_m00n I’m not one to blow my own horn, but with lots of yoga & practice I’m hoping someday I will.
LaurelSnyder My son has a habit of dropping his trousers in public places & then, mid-stream, screaming, “A little privacy, please!”
loganfountain The only thing I do strategically is eat nachos.
heyrenees Few things in life better than seriously funny people with Photoshop.
BabsGray This pizza tastes as good as being thin feels.
Mister_m00n I just drafted up a design for a combination cell phone / dildo. I’m calling it *The Sexophone *
ScrewyDecimal I told a kid to have patience as she waits for a hold to come in. She said: “I’m not really a ‘have patience’ kind of girl.” Word, sister.
sarcasmically Now that I can eat more than popsicles, I am on a binge. So hide yo’ kids hide yo’ wife because chances are they look delicious to me.
jonniker I’ve swaddled Brobee ten times. This is who I am now.
juicymorsel The best time to admit you are wrong is when you are all alone and no one can hear you.
mrpilkington Should have brought a Mexican-Coke with me to work today. Now THAT’S how you celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
goldengateblond I told Monster.com I’m a writer. Naturally, it suggested jobs in food service.
sween My wife just called her privates her sniddle-snatch-snoo. It’s like I’m married to Dr. Seuss.
NASeason Wait – Dyson makes a cordless handheld? I think I just came all over myself.
swedishpancake in my world every pair of shoes is comfortable, eyeliner is always perfect and stupid people can’t speak.
ladybirdj If a man says, “I don’t trust anything that bleeds once a month and doesn’t die” you should marry him because he thinks you’re immortal!
feistylibrarian Just let the pigeon drive the bus.
iasshole Reading Reader’s Digest is like letting your grandma drive the internet.
bazecraze Those commercials are more fun to watch if you pretend “going to Jared” is code for anal.
KeepingYouAwake My lawnmower has two speeds. One for chasing turtles and one for chasing bunnies. Does anyone else find this troubling?