Life List: Fill a Garden with Gnomes

How very fortuitous that in my last post about our cozy backyard Death Trap, Sara mentioned using the waterfall as a gnome stand. I already have a garden full of Buddhas, and just recently I started fulfilling Life List item #107: Populate the garden with a village of gnomes.

A couple weeks ago we were roaming the aisles of Costco, looking for firewood because the heater was out again, and I believe I threatened Anthony by saying that I was going to spend the weekend in the shower unless we got a fire going. Costco was totally out of firewood, but I did find gnomes. I was ecstatic and naturally told Anthony I was going to spend the weekend in the shower unless he bought me garden gnomes, but he didn’t even hear me—by that point he was already loading the gnomes into the cart.

We put one by the front door because he looked so welcoming, holding his little lantern as if to say, ‘Come on in, friends!’ Although I’m going to have to teach him to bite the shins and headbutt the groins of solicitors. Isobel likes to greet him and pat him on the head when we come home. I like to think of him as our woodland bouncer.

I told Anthony that they needed names, but since Isobel already refers to them as “Santas,” it’s kind of a lost cause. And oh, look! They came with care instructions!

I found a gnome last year while thrifting, but he’s vintage and delicate and we keep him inside. I’m really not even sure I can defend his gnomehood, because an equally valid argument could be made for him being a dockworker or a fisherman. He’s playing the concertina, so the argument could be made either way. Isobel is obsessed with him and calls him “baby.”

 Costco only had two models of gnomes. I’m going to have to go out searching for more, because two gnomes isn’t so much a village as it is a domestic partnership. If anyone has seen some cute gnomes for sale, let me know.

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  1. Dana says

    We have a gnome garden with three gnomes, but I may have to replace or repaint at least one of them, since I accidentally left them out this winter. They look so nice amidst the rocks, trees, and bird bath!

  2. Jenjen says

    We need to address the gnome’s right to be recognized as a married couple. They deserve the same benefits as the rest of us.

  3. says

    i lost my gnome in the move to CO. :(
    or rather, he escaped to journey on to more exotic, faraway places. i wish him the best.
    and you also. good luck in your quest. they are wily, those gnomes.

  4. Sara says

    Awesome! I loves the gnomes. Not only are they fun to look at, but apparently, when you’re not looking, they do all sorts of work for you…”helping out” and such. Or at least, that’s the intention anyway. :P

    Okay, so gnomes-for-sale alert: Target, garden section–MINI gnomes for $3.99. I bought some for my mom at the Riverbank Target and placed them strategically in her garden (without telling her–because gnomes like the element of surprise). They’re doing helpful activities like “shoveling something [probably poop] into a bucket”, “holding a mighty stick”, and “sitting on a stump while admiring a bird”. The Target in Turlock had like one of each kind left (hurry, run, ahh!)…

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