Jury Duty – I was once summoned to regular Jury Duty and Grand Jury Duty at the same time. I get called each and every time my number comes up.
When it’s Wet Outside and the Hem of Your Pants Get Soaked, also, Wet Socks – Wet socks are among my least favorite things ever. I have a specific hatred of wet socks. Up there, very close, is when the hem of your pants gets wet and then you must suffer through work or school catching a chill from your pants. This often leads to wet socks, which sends me down the vicious hate spiral.
Running Out of Coffee At Work – It’s a horrible thing to wake up on a Saturday and start to make yourself coffee only to realize you’ve run out. It’s completely unforgivable to run out at work when there is no hope for caffeination.
Salad Served on a Too Small Plate – Why do restaurants do this? I’ve noticed it’s a serious problem with side salads. Dinner salads seem to get all the plate you could ask for, often arriving in hulking tureens. I’m almost too embarrassed to order a dinner salad in some places, because I know they’ll have to rearrange the table to accommodate it. But the real tragedy is when you order a glorious side salad, and it’s the proper size and filled with lovely greens (none of that iceberg bullshit) and they serve it to you on a bowl that’s practically a teacup’s saucer.
Turning Off My Workday Alarm on a Holiday – I usually don’t remember to turn off my alarm the night before and anyway, I rather feel it a luxury to wake up and turn off the alarm and drift blissfully back asleep. It’s like a fantasy come true. I’m living the dream. And then I’m actually dreaming.
Frozen Thin Mints – I discovered frozen Thin Mints while trying to make the bounty last well into the fall. I stashed as many as I could in the freezer and one day, hungry and too impatient for them to thaw, I took a bite. I now know no earthly reason as to why I’d eat a non-frozen Thin Mint.
Checking My Email and Discovering I’ve Made An Etsy Sale – Remember when you were teased for liking old junk? Validation, baby. This feeling never gets old.
Answering the Library Phone, Expecting a Telemarketer, and Hearing My Husband’s Voice Instead – By far I get more telemarketers at the library than I do at home. Partly this is because we turned off our landline, and partly this is because I get a shit-ton of telemarketers at work. When they call I have to wait for them to give me their speech, and at the end I tell them I’m sorry, I’m not interested because I don’t have a budget. I haven’t had a budget in quite some time, and have been told it will be years before I’ll have one again. The budget situation was so bad, however, I was laid off. My job was saved at the last second. After I explain all this most of them ask, “Can I call again in two months to see if things have changed?” I WAS LAID OFF, YOU IDIOT. THEY ARE NOT GOING TO LET ME BUY YOUR STUPID PAPERBACKS. It’s pretty wonderful when I’m expecting the pointless back and forth with a telemarketer and I hear my husband’s voice instead.