I’m severely late for any meme-type year end posts. I have no excuse for this. Each year I look forward to the year-in-review posts from my favorite blogs, the photo videos, the questionnaires. This is the first year I’ve had a blog, and yet I eagerly awaited others’ end of the year posts with no thought of my own. By the time I realized that this was something I should participate in, too, well, Christmas had been put away and everyone moved on.
I did manage to cobble together a year-end photo set of some of my favorite photos from 2010, and it is available on my flickr. While I was putting it together I decided that my yearly tradition will be a giant Follow Friday wrap-up with some of my favorite pictures. In this 2010 edition, I’m including the Tweets of the Week and some of my very, very favorite tweets. Most of these tweets I still think about and appreciate from time to time, and many of them made an impression on me.
I should also mention that I’ve been nominated for a Shorty Award in the Social Media category for my Follow Friday posts. I have a very specific goal in mind for this contest, and it’s not so much to win (because, let’s face it, that’s not happening) but I just want to beat the dude with the Bieber avatar. (We’re currently tied.) If you could take a moment to vote, I’d be grateful.
And now, please enjoy the very best tweets 2010 has to offer.
neiltyson Alas, Isaac Newton died a virgin. A fact offered without further comment.
badbanana Can’t help but think a new British government would have been formed by now if Dumbledore was still alive.
LaurelKS Major props to my intelligent auto complete for making my drunk tweets possible.
feministhulk: HULK STRIVE TO RESPECT RIGHT TO SELF-IDENTIFY, BUT HULK COMPASSION STRAIN AND BREAK UNDER WEIGHT OF SARAH PALIN’S BULLSHIT
sween One does not simply walk into Mordor. It’s a gradual slide. Life choices mount up and then one day you look around and realize, “Huh. Orcs.”
juliasegal When bees see something that is awesome, I wonder if they think, “That’s just like my knees!”
apelad The new iphone contains a tiny beating heart, so at last it can love you back
michaeljnelson Just discovered that vuvuzelas sound AMAZING in a crowded elevator!
mathowie If I ate at a Cracker Barrel, I’d get tons more stand-up jokes. Like when I watched the Godfather triology and The Simpsons made sense.
JerryThomas I was so angry about the state of the world I picked up my guitar and wrote this song. LOLJK I sucker punched a guy on the Metro.
shinyinfo MC Hammer should be knighted or something. Or whatever we do over here, name a sandwich after him.
misternaxal I might buy a house in the Fall. A house complete with a workshop, lathes, a band saw, and a hand mill! I shall call it Isengard.
FakeAPStylebook “Taco” has of late taken on a sexual connotation. When referring to the Tex-Mex food dish, instead use “Hot, Meat-Filled Tortilla Vagina.”
palinode A dream is a wish your boss eats.
mrpilkington Where the hell is this UPS guy. Can I get a 4 square update from him? “location: six flags. Mayor.”
hellobigfoot camping cooler strange mix between oyster and piñata.
bookgirlsb Unsurprisingly, the baby does not respond to my command of “roll over!” any better today than yesterday.
ApocalypseHow Vatican declares ordaining women to be morally comparable to pedophilia. So that means they’re going to do it!!!
louispeitzman Why do children scream so much? I’m consistently horrified by life. I hardly ever scream.
Lord_Voldemort7: Saw a girl wearing an “It’s Bieber’s world & we all just live in it” shirt. Needless to say, she no longer lives in it.
Zaius13 Dropping the cats off at the pool. (We don’t have kids)
louisvirtel Who can ever replace Ellen on “Idol”? It’s really a toss-up between amplifier feedback and grim Chekhovian silence.
capricecrane Snooki says she’s only read two books. Actually, she answered the question by tapping her hoof twice on the floor.
mrpilkington Saying the word “pecan” both ways over and over again. Kind of creeping out coworker. Its okay. I’m a trained professional. Pecan.
Zaius13 Whenever guys suggest I check out a woman’s ass, I nod my head and say “Aw, yeah. I’d wipe that.”
IMayBeNaked Bieber is writing an autobiography? Chap 1) From the fallopian tube to the uterus. Ch 2) Through the birth canal. Ch 3) Gerber: Stages 1-4
SarrahPalinU5A Hot day today. Is it just my imagination, or is the world getting warmer on average?
PROMO_TWEET SOME FUCKING CHIPS: THEY’RE DELICIOUS OR WHATEVER
trelvix Cat was like, “I’ve been trying to call you all day. 88888888888888888888888888884. That’s you, right?”
NathanFillion Had a guy approach me on street. All he did was nod and say, “Captain.” That’s all he needed to say.
lafix Nephew: What’s a nooner? Me: Uh…lunch. Nephew: I need to thank mom for the delicious nooner. Me: Wait until her mouth is full.
PROMO_TWEET THE TEA PARTY IS HORRIFIED THAT “PROJECT RUNWAY” WOULD WORK WITH MUSLIN SO CLOSE TO GROUND ZERO
blainecapatch ed hardy shoes make your feet look like dicks.
sucittaM Drunk on about 7 bottles of wine because What Would Jesus Drink? AMIRITE?! UP TOP DRUNK JESUS!
apelad Facebook is a big party where the host is in a back room going through all the coats.
louispeitzman If I had a daughter, I’d name her after a flower. But something unique, like Bladderwort.
stray If current intellectual property trends continue, by 2045 the only non-trademarked word will be “zesticles”.
lowcardigan I’m excited to see what Twain’s new autobiography has to say about the time he saved Data and Picard from the shapeshifting aliens.
BackpackingDad As far as uninspiring car names go the Mazda “Protege” is second only to the Honda “n00b”.
danforthfrance Too much coffee means frantically singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes” until the crying starts.
hurtling I’m hungover and piecing together the details of last night one by one. So far I’ve confirmed that I didn’t eat any asparagus.
val_forrestal When I die, I want someone to take over my twitter account. I’d like to be the Dread Pirate Roberts of twitter.
FakeeEtiquette If a Facebook friend announces some bad news in an update, it is polite to like that status to cheer him/her up.
badbanana Daughter’s soccer season starts today. I don’t have a vuvuzela so I’ll be taking my trombone.
BackpackingDad About to meet my mom’s boyfriend. Will try to refrain from shouting “She only loves me!!!!!” at him. I’m 33.
PROMO_TWEET PIRANHA 3D: BECAUSE THE STUDIO WOULDN’T LET US CALL IT “FISH N’ TITS”
stevelibrarian Glenn Beck shows that every good Tea Party needs a Mad Hatter.
inversejaik My car is become Shiva, destroyer of butterflies
danharmon Converting to Intelligent Design because I see God in nature. Now worshipping nature. Fuck. Okay, burning self at stake.
ThatKansasLady In my day zombies didn’t run, they walked. Uphill, in the snow. They ate what brains they could find, & they liked it.
PROMO_TWEET THE WEEKEND: BECAUSE FUCK THIS WEEK. FUCK IT IN ITS EARS. YOU HEAR ME, THIS WEEK? OH, RIGHT. YOUR EARS ARE FULL OF DICKS.
English50cent I’m serious. I will have you murdered.
owlpacino it should be a law that artificial lighting can only be so bright. “soft light is calming and better for the eyes”, probably says doctors.
Phineas Fashion Report! This fall is going to be plaid like a motherfucker.
nicpiper When my grandchildren ask “Why is Britain ‘Great’ grandad?” I shall point my withered finger toward Wallace and Gromit and say “those two”.
DamienFahey If Meg Whitman loses will she have to go back to being the guy on the Quaker Oats box?
thejohnblog Email from family: “Bored while Facebook is down. Don’t you have a blog and one of those Twitters?” FACEBOOK! RIGHT THAT SHIP, PEOPLE! NOW!
dughall Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
JerryThomas The very best puns always end with somebody dying.
CMastication “I can hardly check email because Bittorrent has totally saturated my bandwidth.” #talkLikeAPirate
librarianearp Dammit Jim, I’m a sexy doctor, not a sexy scientist!
English50cent I enjoy blowing up poos. I have the ability to be an adult-film actor. I am having a cerebrovascular accident.
Bagyants She told me she was a social butterface. What? Butterfly? I like the other way better.
yowhatsthehaps You can’t just stand on the sidewalk and hold the Little Caesar’s sign, lady. You gotta put your back into it..
louisvirtel My fave Barnes & Noble section is “Christian Inspiration.” I’m learning how to make a chic ascot out of this tattered old dogma!
apelad It’s been great getting to know all the new neighbors and finding out what the names of their wireless networks mean.
saraschaefer1 When the voice in my head tells me I’m not a beautiful snowflake I try to imagine it’s the voice of Brad Pitt. Total hotty up in my brain!
louispeitzman I find it hard to believe that something as awesome-sounding as fantasy football only allows you to draft humans.
zombiesitcom The saddest instrument is the clarinet. I think his mom died.
TheBloggess Just discovered a blog plagiarizing a post I wrote about being plagiarized. This is how wormholes get started, people.
jezebelsadie The real question is not why I have a “Gnomes” category in my Google Reader feed, but why new items appear daily.
smileydooby Geez I look down at my phone to play ONE game and now everyone is going the wrong way on the highway! Learn how to drive and quit honking!
OngoingBS Do you know we lose 100,000 brain cells a day? Mainly to immigrant workers! #glenbecktweet
midwestgrrl My mom still has a hard time with texting. They’re on vacation at the beach & she just texted YAY WE ARE ON THE BEE
apelad My ears are burning. Is one of you talking about me? Also my nose is tingling. Is one of you recreating my aroma?
Jesus_M_Christ Oh, that’s cute Lord Voldemort thinks our resurrections were similar. I’m sure coming back after a baby kills you is super tough.
rrrobbed I don’t know what is up with the follower count, but I’m suddenly feeling very liberated. No followers to offend! Here I go! … BUTTS!
danforthfrance Got hit on today by a sexy Jehovah’s Witness lady. Wait. Aw, man… This is Jesus’ phone number.
JerryThomas My favorite Peanuts cartoon is the one where Linus is waiting for the Great Pumpkin and Godot shows up.
Sigafoos Scam at a French Star Trek 2 gathering: Cannes Khan Con Con. #whydoihaveanyfollowersatall
thinkBIG_blog “The problem with quotes on Twitter is that you can’t always be sure of their authenticity.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
BadAstronomer Had to type the word “gauze” for a post going up tomorrow. The word looks wrong no matter how I spell it. Gauze. Gawz. Gouze. Snooki.
SquiggleJay didn’t have time to get coffee or breakfast, so it’s a pretty safe bet someone’s getting beaten to death with a 3-hole-punch.
gabedelahaye This 65th wedding anniversary is about to get REAL hyphy.
shinyinfo Librarians need to declare Martial Law on Yahoo Answers.
sween As Winston Churchill once said, “Wait a minute — I never said this.”
jszyd I’m not saying your great, great, grandma was a gold digger, but she did move out to California in the late 1840?s.
adamisacson I try to savor every bit of this magical part of the evening between when my kid finally falls asleep and when I f
peterbyrnes TSA guards don’t like it when you bite your lower lip during the patdown and lean into it.
DadsAwake Before we make a radical decision at the last minute, maybe we should consider the people who have to do the work. Said no executive ever.
KeepingYouAwake Just had an idea for time-travel, then I arrived in a cowboy outfit and black eye and talked myself out of it.
unschool Teen to his brother: “We are so close, we can even finish each others’…” His brother: “…sandwiches.”
davidlubar If you have any friends who think the earth is 6,000 years old, remember to warn them that voting is a sin.
Tweetin4Palin Can’t wait 2 see if my candidates won cause I’m influency or lost cause I’m persecuted by media bastards. Either way, hellooo TV talkin’!
TheRedQueen Twitter is mostly my outlet for complaining. It’s cheaper than therapy.
pistolval my humble modesty is just one of my many, many great qualities.
CanuckMackem My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
apodixis My safe word is “The goddamn cats are on the bed.”
danforthfrance Stranger heard me say “Go on without me! I’m done for!” to myself when I missed the crosswalk to tie my shoe.
jasonmustian Has anyone reminded Flava-Flav to turn his necklaces back an hour?
pealmart Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
pnkrcklibrarian Men de-pant. Women de-tight.
wawoodworth Beer: HELLO ANDY. Andy: Hello beer! BEER: DRINK ME. Andy: As you wish! BEER: THEN BLOG. Andy: Wait, what? BEER: I SAID DRINK ME. Andy: Ok!
3x About to use a neti pot. Or as I call it, hippie waterboarding.
chickenscottpie This cold progressed very rapidly: from “Hmm. Am I getting sick?” yesterday, to “I think I’m dying” today. Tell your mom I loved her best.
squeekzoid Shall I compare thee to a summers’ day?/You are not as hot./…That came out wrong/Wait, come back, I’m sorry! #wanepoetic
iasshole I love that no matter how batshit someone is, they can still take the Kleenex boxes off their hands & judge you on the internet.
zombiesitcom She said “I love you.” And his heart jizzed a little. #TheAwesomestRomanceNovelEver
danforthfrance My stages of drunkenness: 1. Hello. 2. Chatty. 3. Rants about historical popes 4. Talking in Maggie Smith’s “Miss Jean Brodie” voice.
thejohnblog I want to make this Chipotle burrito a sister wife.
BridgetCallahan Dear girls around the world: Please stop using the word fierce unless you have actually killed someone.
DamienFahey When I’m laying in my casket, I’d be okay with you guys picking up my arms, moving them around and doing impressions of me.
bobpowers1 Why doesn’t Netflix Watch Instantly have a category called “Are You Drunk Right Now?”
liussharpe Revenge plan: 1. Buy a bird a car 2. Shit on it
DarbySmash If you don’t have kids, don’t give parenting advice. You sound like an idiot.
michaeljnelson Bella and Jacob are among the top baby names this year. As were Harpo, Mustache Dad, and Clown-headed Vampire Chick. Emmett, not so much.
apodixis I would have thought all ponies were one-trick ponies. I mean who goes back to a pony for a second blow job?
PopCulLibrn Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. When the Internet delivers that, then I’ll be impressed.
ApocalypseHow This Saturday is the Video Game Awards. Paparazzi plan to ask, “What food are you wearing?”
yowhatsthehaps I’m doing just fine with one less blogging platform. I just narrate all my activities to a small dog. When she barks it’s like a heart!
dejah_thoris Cop spots a woman knitting & driving. He pulls beside her & shouts “Pull over!” She shouts back, “No, it’s only a scarf!” #knitting
StephenAtHome Now I only have to interview Chevy Chase and I’ll have pulled off the coveted Triple Amigo.
TheNextMartha I’ve downgraded my xmas from the Martha Stewart level to the Woman’s Day level.
L0NZE I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my wife. She said, “I don’t follow you.”
TheOnion Census Finds Enough Homeless People Living In Public Library To Warrant Congressional District
davepolak If I’ve learned one thing on the twitterz this year it’s that dead hipsters like coconut. And the rest of you can fuck off.
swamibooba I suspect my appreciation of jazz was ruined by the SimCity soundtrack. It all sounds like I need to build more police stations.
Zaius13 If I didn’t wear socks with my sandals, everyone would be able to see my gross ankles through these assless denim stirrup pants.
thejohnblog Quality assurance is recording phone calls at work today, so while my line rings, I whisper “where are you mommy?” in a ghost child voice.
robkroese Boss just walked by and said, “You still work here?” Probably not a good sign.
LisaMcIntire My name is Lisa. I’m a grown-ass woman, and I love baby otters.
corycavin Final season of Oprah starts now. This season…SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.
robdelaney “Without exception, I kill and eat each baby I photograph.” – Anne Geddes
songsstuck In those sunglasses, Bieber looks like the coolest mom ever.
thejohnblog ARE YOU READY FOR INDIFFERENCE TO SOME FOOTBALL?
palinode If mushrooms used the internet, I’d say to them “LOL mushrooms! You’re so slow and you live in poop!!1!”. I’d be a mushroom troll, I guess.
PROMO_TWEET FRIDAY NIGHT: BROUGHT TO YOU BY “WOO!” WITH A GRANT FROM “FUCK YEAH!” AND FUNDING BY “YOU’RE A COP? SO WHAT- OW MY FACE
AKbirder The bartender asks “what’s that steering wheel doing in your pants?” The pirate answers, “Aaaarg, it’s driving me nuts”.
stevelibrarian According to Star Trek: TNG, the Slow, Sarcastic Clap survives into the 24th century.
Jesus_M_Christ And the Lord said unto all his haters, “Fucketh ye all of ye. If ye don’t like me bloweth me.”
MaxKalifornia Baby Polaroid is revealed: Olivia Julieta Madrigal Born at 2:42 PM 6lbs 14oz, 18 & 3/4 inches.
adamisacson I was writing a long story about a guy returning from the Trojan War, then I realized “The Odyssey” had already been written. Epic fail.
shinyinfo How boring is it here in my hometown? My parents have a home made video of a nearby barn burning down titled “Barn Fire, 2009?
badbanana Morning has broken me.
eshep either our cat is throwing up less after the arrival of our new kitten, or the new kitten is eating it. great news either way.
louispeitzman I’ve been humming “I Dreamed A Dream” all morning. I’ve never had to give up a kid or sell my body to survive, but I’m totes a miserable.
shinyinfo Why do some people make it so easy to hate them? Easy and enjoyable, like a hater twinkie.
apelad The joy of unsolicited enthusiastic conversation is 100% of the reason this guy got into bus driving.
wordlust You’re a smelly pirate hooker, Charlie Brown.
badbanana He’s been marinating in honey for years. Don’t tell me a rack of Winnie the Pooh ribs wouldn’t be tasty.
JerryThomas With a margin of error of plus or minus three percent. That’s how I poll.
wishing4horses The best thing about being born on this planet? They give you a hat! Automatically. “Hey kid, welcome to Earth, here’s your hat!”
steve_librarian I said earlier that a good leader sees the forest AND the trees. This is also an indicator of a good park ranger.
@palinode: Someday we’ll find it, the Rambo connection, the prisoners, the bastards and AGGGGHHHHHGHGHGHH
thejohnblog Jesus’ bland tamales is the reason for the seasoning.
th3jm4n When it rains, it pours. Then it hails. Then it starts snowing. Then hypothermia sets in. Then you freeze to death.
louispeitzman I’m changing my Facebook picture to a piece of shit to end irritable bowel syndrome.
Mattfraction The Fifth Loko is love.
antigone_spit The cat is locked in an Epic Staredown with the humidifier. WHO WILL EMERGE THE VICTOR?
SuburbanSnaps Generally speaking, you don’t want to emerge from the shower to find your toddler crawling back in through the doggie door.
ryanqnorth How did I get this far without describing Riker’s portrayal on TNG as “Frakespearean.”
shinyinfo There comes a time in every young librarian’s life where she has to shave the balls off her sweater-vest. #NotaEuphemism
someecards Women say size doesn’t matter but I have yet to meet a woman that owns a 3-inch crooked vibrator.
Jesus_M_Christ Fundamentalists are right, I used to ride dinosaurs. Not because evolution is wrong, but because I’m a bad ass.
saraschaefer1 Tiny print in the Lunesta commercial: “The exact way Lunesta works is unknown.” Duh, it is known. Magic butterflies nose-rape you to sleep.
cakewrecks From what I hear, “pooped a pumpkin” is the new “OMG.” Tell your friends.
RailbirdJ This better be a good day, my AK is in the shop.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.
Do you follow me on twitter? Would you like a follow back? Say hi! I stopped following people back when my stream was filled with robots.