Anthony: I don’t need to get boots to climb Half Dome. But I’ll get them if it’ll make you feel better.
Me: Don’t come home unless you buy a pair of boots.
Anthony: I’m buying them now.
Me: Okay, good. My blood pressure is dropping.
Anthony: That’s just that low-sodium diet I have you on secretly.
Me: So you won’t slip and fall to your death if you have boots, but what about the lions?
Anthony: What lions?
Me: The ones that live in the mountains. The mountain lions. They are going to eat you since you are wandering around at night.
Anthony: They are not going to eat me.
Me: Not at first. They play with their food you know. That’s what they do. What are you going to do if a mountain lion attacks you?
Anthony: I saw a video about a guy who fought off a mountain lion. He stabbed it in the side with a knife and it ran away.
Me: Do you have a knife?
Anthony: …I have a pencil. I could go for the eye.
Me: You’re going to die, aren’t you?