What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

mathowie If I ate at a Cracker Barrel, I’d get tons more stand-up jokes. Like when I watched the Godfather triology and The Simpsons made sense.

LaurelKS My scorn is legendary. #woman

hellobigfoot Not clapping to praise you. Clapping to distract you to get close enough to crush you with claps. My greatest hunting tool is your ego.

minamiyo It’s a noodle dancing kind of morning.

annakarenine PULLED PORK IN MY MOUTHOLE.

TheRedQueen The baby wants to play with cat toys and the cats want to play with baby toys.

lilpyrogirl Holy Crap! That was my 2,000th tweet. I meant to use that to apologize for the first 1,999 of them.

wordlust There *is* a method to my madness. Sadly, the method consists of stuffing Cocoa Puffs down my pants. The milk is the worst part.

wordlust I think it’s time to grant legal personhood to burritos. Any one of them could become a food baby, you know.

AKRyder I spent the last 10 minutes looking for the kid’s toy that was playing the music…turns out it was the ice-cream truck outside the house.

phaemarie Sometimes life makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Repeatedly.

mrlasertron if MMOs were theme parks: “You must ride that small ride over there 50 times before riding this ride.”

unrealsnow I never want to get punched in the stomach by a hobo boxer. #justsayin #hoboresearch

drewtoothpaste I’m pretty sure they designed the iPad to be used while you crap. I’m also pretty sure I’m not going to be allowed back in the Apple store.

JerryThomas I wish I was special. But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? Oh wait. This is Twitter. I belong here.

 

JerryThomas I bet the government is behind all these conspiracy theories.

CorporateMonkey Whenever I start to forget how awesome I am, I should make jam. I’d take myself to Vegas and wife myself right now if I could.

maplemuse Teaching my two year old to do a Vulcan salute. Ah, parenthood.

diremofo WOULD YOU CARE TO BE EVIL OVER PIZZA?

happyrobot You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your friend’s friends (on facebook)

fierceflawless FYI, (my) iPhone autocompletes ‘motherfucker’. So that’s fun.

sockington shhhhh doing technical support DOES THIS FIT IN MY MOUTH y/n

badbanana If a mime performs in the forest, and nobody is there to see him, it’s all for the best.

JerryThomas I was so angry about the state of the world I picked up my guitar and wrote this song. LOLJK I sucker punched a guy on the Metro.

FakeAPStylebook food pussy – Synonym for “mouth.” Ex.: “The victim was punched repeatedly in the food pussy, police said.”

MeganBoley Salsa: 3 White dress: 0

notbrandoncrane Wait, my phone battery is still alive after a day of work? It’s a GD miracle!

@shinyinfo MC Hammer should be knighted or something. Or whatever we do over here, name a sandwich after him.

neiltyson If you removed all arteries veins & capillaries from a person’s body & tied them end-to-end then…that person would die.

badbanana He’s been marinating in honey for years. Don’t tell me a rack of Winnie the Pooh ribs wouldn’t be tasty.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.